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Post by Caius Dragelion on Feb 6, 2021 12:08:52 GMT -6
The Dragonglaive
There was no way that Caius could regret this more than he already did. If it wasn’t clear, Caius wasn’t exactly the most accustomed to actual dates in the world. He’d gone to dinner here and there since coming to Zephon, and at the least he knew some of the machinations of a date now. But Caius didn’t know how to get into the mindset needed for a date proper. How could he? This was something for more… Civilized people. Not a lifelong wanderer like Caius. He had no idea how to approach it, and honestly? The entire thought put butterflies in his stomach.
So how had he gotten into this mess? Well, it had started with this whole date complex thing going on in Torensten. Caius needed to rest after the whole Kraken thing, so he hadn’t shipped off to god knows where just yet. It was there where Sabin approached him. Apparently he’d wanted Celes to do this dating game thing, but with her nerves, he wanted to sign up in support of her. Caius, while hesitant, eventually agreed, but then it turned out that the one to mastermind the whole thing? Celes herself.
Caius was… Well, he didn’t know what to think about that. It was a flurry of mixed emotions. He was hurt, but also understanding. It wasn’t like they were… Well… You know. And she’d been here a few years, it made sense if she wanted to try her luck at meeting someone. On a logical basis, it made sense. But it didn’t stop the flurry of emotions. Still, Caius did what he did best apparently, and pushed them aside best he could. Telling himself that… Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe he could figure this out, it was just… Talking, right? Just talking. But with more expectations… More analysis. And maybe this would be healthy for him too. Probably not, but if he himself hit it off with someone, who knows? Not that he was expecting to. Caius was fully aware that he wasn’t exactly boyfriend material. But, well, he’d agreed to this. So the least he could do was try to make the most of it.
That’s what he’d kept telling himself, anyway. It settled him at least a little, bringing a small string of calm to the whirlwind of anxiety that was Caius. Worst case scenario, he told himself, it’d be like that thing that his co-worker had signed him up for. Relatively uninteresting and he probably wouldn’t see the person again. That wouldn’t be a problem, just a minor inconvenience at best, right? He could deal with that. People came and went in his travels all the time. This could very well be no different.
At least this time he knew for sure that this was an affair to be a bit more formal for, unlike the whole Jessie incident. So at least this time he wouldn’t embarrass himself the second he walked in. Unlike the Masquerade, Caius had bought something a bit less… Flashy, for times he needed to go formal. This go-round, Caius wore a black suit, with a blue, collared shirt. He had tied his long and wild hair back and combed it as well as he could. Apparently first impressions were everything, according to co-workers he’d asked. Yes, this time Caius had actually gone and asked for advice. A far cry from the wreck of last time, but still needing some work. He’d thought of wearing a tie, but when he looked into the mirror, it just looked… Too stiff. This was meant to be a social thing, right? Not for a job. Dressing to impress was good, but something told him that he would look like he was dressing for work by going with the tie. So he left it.
He even managed to button the shirt properly this time. It took a handful of tries but he pulled it off! If he was going to do this ridiculous blind date thing, he might as well go all in.
With that, he was ready to go. At the appointed time, he caught the Voyage de Torensten train that had been designated for this dating thing, which would allow for him to meet with his “date” and then be taken to their assigned destination. Caius had previously been mailed a form along with a number. The number would tell him where to sit on the tram, so he’d be able to meet his date properly. But the form…
It held information submitted by the one he’d been matched with. No name was given, they didn’t want to spoil the surprise. But if Caius had put any thought into the identity of his date after reading it, perhaps he wouldn’t be about to walk into potentially a worse trainwreck than actual trainwrecks. Or at least not unprepared.
He hadn’t been on Voyage de Torensten before, he typically preferred to walk, and he wasn’t here long enough typically to need it. But perhaps if he began a routine here, that might change. So this was as good a time as any to get familiar with the Voyage de Torensten, he thought. The mercenary stepped onto the train and submitted the forms, confirming his participation before being led to a booth. Two sets of seats, across from each other with a space that could be occupied by a pull-down table if they wished. Curious, Caius pulled down the table as he sat down once he found the one with the number he’d been assigned to. As he did, he noticed a slip of paper attached that detailed where they were going. Caius picked up the slip and began to read… Interesting, didn’t the form talk about a dislike of…?
Well, that could be… Interesting. And going to a beach in a suit? Well, it wouldn’t be the weirdest thing in the world. He could always pick up a change of clothes at a place nearby, if he recalled his maps right, if it came to it… Ok, so this was salvageable. Probably. Hopefully.
With a deep breath, Caius steeled himself. He settled something he'd been clutching onto his lap, hidden under the table. The worst case scenario couldn’t be that bad, right?
Final Fantasy VI
22
YEARS
Female
Complicated
Heterosexual
429 POSTS
Fin
Use your own eyes and see for yourself whose side I'm on!
Celes stood in the quiet hush of the botanical gardens, considering the topiaries beneath a lush of wide-leaved trees. It was all rather quiet here despite the nearby tram stop and the several prospective couples drifting down its steps. She saw men and women approach each other awkwardly, making small introductions and commenting on the respective colors of their badges. Celes had her own pinned to her chest like a military honor. Not far away, the trams hummed by on their continual loop, dipping in and out of the sky on their railway path. One of them must have carried the man who she would see tonight. Or maybe he was still on his way.
She felt sick with nerves.
She didn’t know what had possessed her to do this. Maybe it was Yuna’s excitement to meet someone new. Maybe it was the list of potential destinations. Maybe it was the free gil. Either way, she’d decided on it and now here she was, dressed in such a way that she could hardly recognize herself. She’d done her hair in rivulet curls, half pulled back into a golden clasp. Her waist was cinched into a black corset over a lacy, rose-embroidered top. She wasn’t dressed in the local fashion She’d had to assemble it all herself, but all of it from the scarves to the cape to the magic-infused battle earrings were well and truly her. Even if her mirror hadn’t been so certain of that.
Her stomach turned, and she found herself twisting one of the scarves tied around her hip. She wished that Yuna or Jessie was here. They’d helped her buy all of this after all, and it was only right that they see what she’d done with it all. It was strange, thinking of someone like that. Were they friends? The only girl she’d spent much time with before was Terra, and they’d never exactly been close…
Her thoughts were wandering. She moved a little farther down the hedge rows.
’Is that a red badge? Looks like I have one too. My name’s-'
’It’s nice to meet you. I heard you like-?’
’You’re beautiful. I hope it’s okay if I say so.’
Celes had a green badge. She didn’t see anyone else who matched so she simply stood there, waiting. She stopped by a particularly stunning topiary of a woman in a thick ball gown. It was carved from the hedges and colored with a woven arrangement of flowers in yellow, red, and blue. The petals intertwined into a kind of crown of petals in her hair as she gazed upwards hopefully into the night sky. Celes reached out and touched one of the strange, tropical flowers.
They smelled of soft lilies and moonlit paths.
”I can do this,” she whispered to herself. The man on the matched form had sounded simple and rough and maybe a little boorish, but she thought they might get along. She hoped they would. She tried to imagine some strong and hardened monster hunter who liked camping under the stars. Her mind kept drifting to rogues and teasing smiles. An idiot with his heart set in the right place. Her fingers trembled.
”I can do this.” She grabbed her hand tightly in the other and took a long, steadying breath. She wanted to meet someone new. She wanted to take a chance.
And if it all turned out disastrously, at least she had the flowers.
Post by Caius Dragelion on Feb 7, 2021 13:52:49 GMT -6
The Dragonglaive
The tram started moving, but he didn't see the person he had been assigned to. At first, Caius figured perhaps he'd been stood up. He bit his lip. Well, it couldn't be help, he supposed. That just happened sometimes, right? Maybe they saw his form and lost interest. No big deal, right? It hurt, but...
Curious, Caius looked to the form again. And then he rolled his eyes. There was a specific meeting spot at the destinations, identified by badges. Well that explained the badges. Apparently he had misread the form. Figures. He had been so jittery about the whole thing, of course he was going to skip over a detail or two. Alright, that's fine... Maybe they're already there, or they'd be on the tram after him. It was worth a shot, he supposed. Still wholly possible he was stood up, but he tried not to think of that possibility. Caius pulled something from his lap and examined it as the tram went. Good, he hadn't accidentally destroyed it with his gorilla hands in all of the pre-date drama. First impressions were everything, he'd been told over and over again. Funny, he'd memorized the form on this blind date of his, but not the information form. Ain't that a kick in the betweens?
Caius wiped the beading sweat from his brow as the tram came to a stop at his destination. He took one more deep breath, doing his best to settle his nerves. He'd done this before, he could do it again, right? Sure, last time he didn't have much understanding, and circumstances were different, but... He could pull this off. A date was just talking. A date was just going to places, getting to know each other, and talking. Nothing to it. He'd literally just been through what might as well have been the same thing with Jessie, and that had gone fine, right? Sure the circumstances were different. It had started as a celebration for her play succeeding, and then turned into her dragging him around because he didn't know how to have fun. But it couldn't be all that different from that... Right?
You can do this, he told himself. You can do this. What's the worst that could happen?
Caius stepped off the tram, hiding the object behind his back. It would go over better if it was a surprise, right? He looked around as he stepped off, acclimating to the seaside air. The crowds made him nervous, but he did his best to steel himself. There were so many couplings, so much chattering, and his shoulders closed in a bit as he tried and tried to keep his cool. But one thing he didn't see in all of it was a green badge. Perhaps he'd wait a bit longer.
Looking around once more, he was surprised to see a head of hair he knew well. His heart skipped when he saw the face belonging to it.
"Cel?"
Caius stepped over, looking her up and down. She was...
"You look wonderful."
She really did. He couldn't help but blush just slightly at the sight of her, scratching his head sheepishly. Caius smiled warmly, even as the mix of emotions returned. Part of him pained knowing what it was all for, but there was also the comfort in knowing she was here at all. Perhaps he could do this, after all. At least if things went wrong, he could talk to Celes about it on the way back. A comforting presence might be what he needed to put this whole thing behind him when it was over.
He bowed his head respectfully. "I wish you the best of luck with your-"
Then he saw it.
The green badge.
Caius stopped mid-sentence, his mouth hanging open and his pupils shrinking as the realization slowly started to hit him. He almost dropped what he'd been hiding behind his back. He'd almost been tongue-tied at the sight of her before, but now? Caius had been rendered completely speechless.
Oh god no.
Oh god please no.
He was not ready for this. Nothing in all of the worlds that crossed into Zephon could ever possibly prepare him for this.
Final Fantasy VI
22
YEARS
Female
Complicated
Heterosexual
429 POSTS
Fin
Use your own eyes and see for yourself whose side I'm on!
Celes blinked and looked behind her, eyebrows raised in surprise. It was Caius. Part of her knew she should have expected this -- or at least expected she’d run into someone she knew -- but she couldn’t say she’d thought Caius would have ended up somewhere like this. Yuna, maybe. But Caius felt like an odd fit for somewhere as quiet and delicate as this. He didn’t seem like the type for flowers.
Maybe she’d been wrong.
”Oh,” she said then gave him an awkward smile. ”I guess you were sent here too.” She hadn’t known whether he’d sign up or not. She’d wanted him to, and Sabin had made the suggestion to him specifically because she’d mentioned her concerns. Unfortunately, he hadn’t understood when he was meant to listen to her feelings and when he was supposed to take action. Sabin was simple that way, and it seemed like both she had Caius had paid the price.
She’d hoped he would because it was someone else she knew that she could add to the pile. She’d wanted him to because she thought he might be happy if he met someone else, and then maybe she could lower her defenses. She’d also felt a little relief that no matter how much this night might crash and burn, at least she could come back to Caius and they could share their stories together.
No matter what happened, she’d be a little less mortified if he’d had as terrible a night as she’d had. Which sounded a little selfish now that she thought about it.
Hm.
’You look wonderful.’
”Oh. Um. You too.” She didn’t really think about what she’d said until it was out of her mouth, and then she just let it sit there because she was still preoccupied with looking at the small crowd behind him. No green badges. Celes twisted her hip scarf a little tighter around her finger.
She liked seeing Caius. She really did, but right now it felt a little strange when she was all dressed up with her makeup and curled hair and corset. It wasn’t the kind of context she wanted with him, and she was still on edge. Any other time and maybe his comment would have bothered her. Now though? She supposed that looking nice was kind of the point, and she was too preoccupied with her own nerves to let it get to her. Caius himself looked fine. He’d cleaned up for this which said a lot. His suit wasn’t quite for her, but she’d seen the style often enough to know that some woman out there would probably be glad to see him. She hoped it went well for him. She really did, and as he bowed his head, she smiled back nervously, glad that he felt the same.
Then his eyes landed on her chest and he froze, a look of horror in his eyes.
It was almost comical, just how quickly he could change expression. His mouth fell open. She thought she saw the color drain from his face. Celes followed his gaze towards her pinned badge. Her brow knit with confusion.
”Caius? What’s wrong?”
But he didn’t answer. Not at first. She touched at the badge as her thoughts slowly caught up to her.
He’d been happy to see her.
Then he’d seen her badge.
Now he was horrified.
”Caius?” she said slowly. ”Where’s your…?” She didn’t see his badge pinned on him. They must have given him one, hadn’t they?
”Wait…” Realization came to her slowly, so clear and yet terrible enough that she hadn’t wanted to believe it. It was like the rising moon -- cold and familiar and entirely inevitable. ”Your badge. It’s green, isn’t it?”
She didn’t need to see his face. She didn’t need an answer at all. It was all so obvious. ”You’re really my…?”
She couldn’t finish the thought before she’d burst out laughing.
It wasn’t how she’d expected she’d have reacted if you’d asked her that morning. If she’d been asked, she would have guessed that she’d have frozen the same way Caius had, horrified and mortified and wanting to sink straight into the ground. But really, it was all so predictable that she couldn’t help but laugh even as the corset constricted her stomach and she had to grasp it in her hands, nearly doubling over with her efforts.
”Of course it’s you!” She was vaguely aware that other couples were looking at them. She saw a few men shoot Caius deeply sympathetic looks. ”We’re so much alike, and we both sign up for a date based on what you have in common!”
Celes wiped at her eye and straightened, trying desperately to regain her composure. She didn’t want too many men to think Caius had struck out, after all. ”Well. I guess this won’t be too bad.” She shook her head, smiling wryly. ”Though I guess I didn’t need to dress up so much.”
Post by Caius Dragelion on Feb 7, 2021 15:21:33 GMT -6
The Dragonglaive
She was laughing?
He didn't know what to think of that, but at least she didn't seem upset at him. And actually seemed to accept the whole prospect well enough. Caius released the breath he'd been holding. Okay, yeah, the more he thought about it, the more it did make sense, didn't it? They'd paired based off things they had in common, and, well... Caius couldn't think of anyone more like himself than Celes. She wasn't upset, so he supposed it wasn't the end of the world, but dear god, he was not ready for this. Caius was not ready for this at all.
But he was certainly going to try. He straightened up, letting his overflowing nerves settle down as best he could as he cleared his throat. He promptly gulped. This was still terrifying, but he was going to do his best. Caius pulled back his suit jacket a bit to reveal the green badge on his shirt. Yup. There it was. It looked exactly like hers. This was going to be... Well, interesting was certainly one way to word it.
She said she hadn't had to dress up so much, and he shrugged. "Well, I guess I'll consider this a treat to see you this way" he joked, managing a smile. At the very least he didn't have to worry so much about first impressions anymore. He and Celes knew each other well, so that took some of the pressure off in that matter. Perhaps that was why Celes was so calm? Had she been worried about first impressions as well? Or what the other person would think of her? Considering he had accidentally ruined her chance to meet someone new in this, he figured she'd be a lot more upset, but she actually seemed to take this in stride. He couldn't help but be a little surprised at that. Not that he was complaining.
"Though you're right, you're beautiful either way" he finished his thought with a small laugh. But it was only seconds later when Caius' eyes widened. He didn't need the note to tell him what Celes hated, and hearing the couples around him who had been talking while he had been searching for his date gave him a bit of an idea of what kinds of wordings accounted for this. But it hadn't hit him until this moment -- he was just speaking his mind.
"I um, uh..." he stammered as he struggled to find words to explain. Flattering her and flirting with her was not the meaning of those words, but he knew they were easy to take that way. He'd gotten too comfortable speaking his mind around Celes. "I apologize if that was an overstep. It slipped, I was speaking my mind" he admitted, not sure how to better explain that it was literally just what popped into his head. He hoped she understood.
And this just happened to be the moment he realized he'd forgotten about that other thing. The wretched, nervous wreck that was Caius didn't need this, but there it was. The added anxieties of realizing he'd forgotten with all the surprise that came with Celes being his date, and happening right after he'd blabbermouthed. His hand slowly came up and he stared at it a moment. Somehow it hadn't been damaged at all despite everything. Despite his large hands and all the anxieties, he'd managed to safeguard the fragile thing as though it were the difference between life and debt. At least there was that, if nothing else.
He cleared his throat, trying to assuage his nerves best he could as he looked Celes in the eyes. He'd bitten his lip, but he otherwise did his best to put up some level of confidence. His expression fiercened as he managed to bring some life back to his voice.
"This is for you."
He gently placed a rose in her hands, protected by a clear sealing. It didn't look like any of the ones from the garden, meaning he'd been holding onto it this whole time. He didn't know what to think about it being Celes he was giving it to. Before it was just... A gesture to bring a smile to the face of whoever he might be meeting, maybe help as an icebreaker. But with Celes, knowing she liked them a fair bit, and considering Celes wasn't someone he was just meeting? There was far more meaning to it now. It made him glad he'd protected it this long.
Perhaps if he'd realized they were going to a garden from the start he might have considered just grabbing one from the stalls here though.
Final Fantasy VI
22
YEARS
Female
Complicated
Heterosexual
429 POSTS
Fin
Use your own eyes and see for yourself whose side I'm on!
I can't tell if she's being brutal or forgiving lol
I've met someone who can accept me for who I am.
’This is fine,’ Celes thought, still smiling despite herself. It was a dry smile. The kind that came from nerves being calmed by a swelling wave of disappointment. This was safe. This would be fun. But it wasn’t what she’d wanted, was it? It was like she couldn’t escape the normal, the easy, or Caius in particular. Still, she supposed this wasn’t the worst thing. As long as he didn’t mess up and say something stupid like-
”Well, I guess I’ll consider this a treat to see you this way.”
”Excuse me?”
”Though you’re right. You’re beautiful either way.”
”Um?”
Celes stared at him, not quite sure what she’d heard. A treat? Had he really said that? It was all so audacious that she couldn’t be sure of even her own ears. She was a beautiful treat. Well there was that rage she’d been expecting, only a little behind schedule. Could she blame him for being unwillingly paired with her? No. Could she blame him for starting out of the gate with something like that?
Why yes. Yes she could.
”Hm.” Her lips thinned as he tripped over himself to apologize. You see, he wasn’t flirting. He was just speaking his mind. And his mind, it turned out, though she was a beautiful treat. Why had she ever thought this might go well?
It seemed the cruelest thing to let him continue. So she did. She let the silence speak for her as he tumbled ass backwards over himself to set everything right. She let him look horrified before he finally cleared his throat and worked up the courage to pull something from behind his back. She eyed it skeptically.
It was wrapped in paper and not immediately easy to recognize. But she would have recognized it anywhere no matter how well-wrapped it was. It was a single red rose.
Damn it.
”Well. I guess I won’t have to buy one now.” Damn it, he’d bought it because she’d listed she liked roses, hadn’t he? How dare he be nice. And charming and thoughtful after what he’d said? How was she supposed to be mad at him now?
Celes rolled her eyes. ”Come on. They have drinks. Let’s use some of the free gil at least.” She started off without waiting for him, carefully angling her cape behind her so she didn’t step on it. Her heels weren’t as stable as her normal boots, and the path wasn’t exactly even. She felt a lot more delicate than she’d have liked to have been around Caius. And more vulnerable.
A beautiful treat, I mean really.
”Ground rules,” she said. ”We’re just here to have fun, alright? This isn’t a real date. I mean, you and me?” She sighed. There was that disappointment again. ”Neither of us wanted it to be like this. Not that I’m not happy to see you, but…”
But she’d wanted something else. She’d wanted to meet a strong, beautiful man who said all the right things and maybe had a sense of humor and she wouldn’t have to try with him at all because he just got her heart fluttering just the right way. Caius wasn’t like that. Well, he was strong, but that wasn’t enough, really.
”We’re friends. And we work together. So enough about me being beautiful, alright?”
Post by Caius Dragelion on Feb 8, 2021 11:22:35 GMT -6
The Dragonglaive
That had definitely not been the right combination of words to use. While the treat bit had been referring to the rarity of seeing her dressed up this way (Caius was nowhere near forward or devious enough to call Celes herself a treat), it seemed that everything put together had been taken in a way that not even his attempt to set things right was going to fix. Caius knew Celes well, perhaps a bit too well, but even he was a bit surprised, and even a twinge horrified at the cruel coldness that radiated off her throughout this whole thing. He supposed she could have gone off at him, it could have been worse, he told himself. She could have stormed off right then and there, as he had been half expecting her with the storm brewing.
As they started and she spoke up though, he almost would have preferred if she had. Ground rules, fine, sure. Caius had no problem with respecting her boundaries. But...
“I mean, you and me?”
Caius silently winced and couldn’t meet her eyes anymore. The sigh. The clear disappointment. He’d been holding back the reminder that she had wanted someone else. Perhaps deep down he had hoped… Well…
But while it was likely in her mind she was being firm but otherwise going easy on him, her words cut like a knife.
How stupid had he been?
Caius knew deep down this was likely how it’d end up if he’d ever said anything. It may not have been fear of rejection that had stayed his words. But that didn’t mean it wasn’t there. But perhaps deep inside, in his most shadowed of hearts, Caius really had hoped that someday things might work out. But he had been deluding himself. Nothing more. And now it was time to face that reality.
And god, did it hurt.
For others, perhaps they would cry, or go hide in a hole. And perhaps Caius did want to do those things. But Caius was used to handling these situations a different way. Not a good way, not a healthy way. But it was the way he knew.
His awkward slouch faded ever so slowly as he rose to his full height. He met her eyes again, but the warmth had disappeared from his own. He nodded his head.
“Understood, Celes.”
Perhaps deep down he wanted to try his hand at explaining his previous meanings in a more fitting way, but it was no use. And it was too late. The damage had been done. His tone was cold, not harsh but cold. His features had returned to a difficult to read mask of stoicity that he knew well.
He didn’t speak further until they were able to sit down with drinks. He’d made enough mistakes through his words today. And the gods knew he needed a drink more than he would say.
Final Fantasy VI
22
YEARS
Female
Complicated
Heterosexual
429 POSTS
Fin
Use your own eyes and see for yourself whose side I'm on!
She felt the shift in a second. One moment, it was just Caius exactly as she’d expect him. The next, it was like a wall of ice stood between them, and he’d straightened, the light leaving his eyes in that way of his whenever he was in battle and needed to put his feelings aside. ’Understood?’ It was like a military command. Like she’d just pulled rank on him or something.
Celes frowned and kept walking, keeping her eyes straight ahead. Something was wrong.
They reached the line of food and wine booths without any incident. They were set up at the edge of the hedgerows right outside the entrance to the nature path, and they were quite busy. There were benches and picnic tables and chairs with umbrellas. The whole place had been lit in blue and violet lantern light, and it gave off an almost ethereal glow against the topiaries. Celes drifted into a line that was about six couples long. They inched forward slowly.
Say something. Celes glanced at him and then looked up quickly at the sky. It was a beautiful night. The skies sparkled like diamonds against a cloudless sea of black space. The moon was about three quarters full. With someone else, maybe it would have felt romantic. Instead, it felt somehow cold.
”Caius…” The next couple left the counter, giggling to themselves. The queue shifted forward. Celes shifted with it.
”You know I care about you. We’re friends, after all.” A few birds twittered above her in a palm tree. The crickets gave a slow and pulsating hum. She wound and unwound the edge of her hip scarf around her finger.
”I didn’t mean...Well, if I said something wrong…”
Far away, she heard the ocean waves crash distantly against the shore.
Post by Caius Dragelion on Feb 8, 2021 17:11:40 GMT -6
The Dragonglaive
Why was he here? Sure, it'd be a waste of the gil, but all he was doing was giving her grief, wasn't it? But if he walked on her... No, he couldn't do that. Even if he felt wounded and didn't want to be here where he was unwanted and honestly, he wasn't sure if he himself even wanted to be near Celes right now after all she'd said, he knew it wasn't the right thing to do. If she wanted to do this, the least he could do was do right by her. As they entered the line, he didn't speak. He bottled his emotions behind an empty mask, as he'd done time and time again. Even if he wasn't afraid of what might happen if he spoke up, he didn't know what to say. He hadn't looked at her since the last time he'd spoken to her. He couldn't. He knew it'd just hurt more.
Why was keeping this mask up harder than it used to be? It was so easy, once. So easy to just... Not feel. To focus on what needed to be done. Even now, as much as he tried to keep that mask up, he could already feel it cracking. He could feel his emotions boiling over inside. But this was not the place to allow them to.
He could hear couples talking, laughing, sounds of bliss, sounds of happiness. It hurt worse. He tried to tune them out.
Then she spoke. He'd hardly even registered where they were, he'd fallen into step with her as though it were a military man's second nature. Without even any awareness of where they were going, he had moved by habit and instinct alone while his mind wrestled with its demons.
She was saying...
He didn't know how to respond. He bit his lip, hard. He hadn't expected her to say that. He slowly turned to look to her, though he wasn't able to look her in the eyes anymore.
"I know you didn't mean to" he managed to speak, softly, quietly. His mask started to fade. His eyes glimmered with hurt but it was quickly shoved down. He gulped. Cleared his throat. Tried to regain some semblance of composure. "Your words hurt, but... I'm not mad at you for taking things the way you did."
He wasn't. He was mad at himself. He may be upset at her for the harshness of her words, but how he felt about them... And led into them... It was nobody's fault but his own.
"And I'm sorry again for what I said. I thought I was..." he trailed off, his expression showing frustration for a moment as he tried to consider how to best put it. "I wanted to reassure you that while you didn't have to dress as you did, as you put it, I still appreciated that you did. I thought it looked nice. While making sure you knew that you're still..."
He couldn't say beautiful. It'd only set her off again. What conveyed his meaning the best? He didn't know. And that frustrated him to no end. At the end of it all, he decided to speak with his heart, watching his words a little better best he could, evidenced by how slowly he spoke in some moments, but otherwise he went with his gut.
"You're still... You. No less, no matter what you wore, you're still you to me. You're still the same strong-willed, courageous, tactically sound, vastly intelligent, and selfless woman that I have always felt fortunate to start a guild with. But I tried to word it lightly, something to keep things light and cheeky and... Make it clear I'm not upset at all about how things turned out with the pairings and really did look forward to giving trying to have fun with this a shot."
He did try to meet her eyes a few times throughout, but each time his gaze fell back down again. He spoke from his heart, but his heart had done nothing but cause pain so far. Caius looked away a little, as if half-expecting her to get mad again. And yet, in the heat of the moment, he confessed a frustration.
"I'm sorry if I didn't and still cannot convey that well. Or anything, really. It's always bothered me. The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you, or make you uncomfortable, and yet... Lately, it's all I seem to do. And I hate it."
Final Fantasy VI
22
YEARS
Female
Complicated
Heterosexual
429 POSTS
Fin
Use your own eyes and see for yourself whose side I'm on!
Celes honestly had no idea. Of course from the second she’d seen him, she’d known it wouldn’t be the night she’d planned. To be fair, almost nothing likely would have been, and it was just as likely that any strange man who’d thought to spend the evening with her would have left her feeling as on edge as she did now. But this was Caius. It was Caius, her friend, and they were out together with a thousand gil between them at a rose garden. Sure, she was dressed up, and sure she was disappointed, but…
Why did he have to make it so serious?
”I know you didn’t mean to,” he muttered. ”Your words hurt, but I’m not mad at you for taking things the way you did.”
”They did?” Her words hurt him? Well, she hadn’t meant them nicely exactly, but he looked like he’d been slapped. Celes tried to run through everything she’d said again, but couldn’t quite catch all the words. If anything, she remembered pointedly not saying anything when she’d had the chance to be nasty.
Because silence was more of a punishment, she’d thought, but really, what else could she have done? Pat him on the head and reassure him that she knew he didn’t mean a single word he’d ever said?
Of course not. She wouldn’t claim that then and she wouldn’t believe it now.
Because that was just the thing, wasn’t it? Every time that Caius let his tongue slip, it was always because he didn’t know any better. He was awkward. He didn’t know what words meant. He was simply speaking his mind. Yet no matter how many times he tried to explain himself, it all circled back to the same thing. It wasn’t that he didn’t know how to express how he felt. It was what he felt that was the problem.
Why did he appreciate that she’d dressed up? Why did he feel the need to reassure her that she was still her. Of course it was still her. She’d thrown on a corset and curled her hair, and she’d never said that she didn’t feel the same. Was she supposed to be flattered that he thought she could still be courageous and strong-willed and intelligent while she wore a bright shade of lipstick?
Where he’d got the idea that she was “selfless” was beyond her.
”The last thing I ever wanted was to hurt you or make you uncomfortable and yet lately it’s all I seem to do. And I hate it.”
Celes let his confession sit. She let it sit for what felt like a long time but wasn’t actually any longer than it took for another couple to pare away with their drinks. She let it sit because she wanted to think and for once not to be blinded by her own impulse reactions. She wanted to know that she wasn’t speaking frivolously. She wanted to know that she wasn’t acting cold. She wanted to know that she was being reasonable.
She didn’t.
”Caius.” She stepped closer towards the counter, carefully holding up her cape so she didn’t step on it. ”You’re my friend. Like Sabin. Or Yuna.”
She tried to imagine being paired up with either of them. Sabin would have taken this all in stride and somehow ensured she’d had a good time even as she’d died of embarrassment. Yuna would have been fun. Obviously not a date, but that was fine. They would have been friends.
Just friends. That was enough.
”Would you act like this with either of them? Yuna? Or Sabin?” Celes looked up and pretended to read the menu. She couldn’t focus on the words. It didn’t matter.
”I can’t just keep ignoring what you say and taking it on good faith that you meant something else. Not when you keep repeating yourself. I told you how I felt, Caius. I told you to stop treating me like I’m...Like I’m special.
”It doesn’t matter if you’re saying how you feel. Because I don’t want you to feel that way. About me.” Celes bit her lip and shoved a ringlet of hair behind her ear. ”Can’t you just stop?”
