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year 5, quarter 3
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Post by Caius Dragelion on Apr 15, 2021 13:39:32 GMT -6
The Dragonglaive
They had, hadn't they? Celes sounded so different from how she used to describe herself, and Caius... He could never have imagined being surrounded by people like Celes, Yuna, Jessie, Sabin, Mu, the whole lot of them. Years ago, he would have thought it impossible. And yet here it was. Here he was in a relatively peaceful, unruined world, where he had choices that didn't just involve his survival. And gave him the room to become... This.
"Sometimes it still doesn't feel real" he admitted softly. "Like one day I'll wake up and be in the barracks again. I'll look outside and see grey, and brown, a lifeless landscape full of people just trying to desperately rebuild their lives in a world that even with the daemons gone, still only had faint hopes. It's nothing like here, and in a way, the thought of all this being a dream is... Discomforting to me. I know it's real, but it's just... So different from the life I'd become accustomed to. I don't know how I could ever go back to that, or go back to the person that I was. It's not something I like to think about, and yet the change is so drastic, that sometimes... Deep in my mind, it gnaws at me every now and then."
Perhaps he was rambling a bit, but the drink had done its duty and this was the result. Celes admitted she could have never seen him be that way. He had been quieter when they had first met, though even that felt like almost a lifetime ago in of itself. It may have only been just over a year, but it felt like they'd been doing this forever. Though he supposed with him trying his best to keep conversation through telling stories, just testing the whole thing out at the time, he managed to hide that well.
Then again, he'd been able to speak more comfortably around Celes in particular from pretty early on. He'd never really understood it. And he doubted he would even if he tried.
"Before I joined the Kingsglaive, I had.... Things, happen. Things that made it hard to trust people. Made it hard to even want to be near people unless it was necessary. I never stayed in the remaining settlements for long" he admitted, taking a decent swig as the thought creeped up. He had told Celes the heroic side of the tales of Noctis and their broken world. The impersonal stuff. But there were things he had kept close to his chest, and for good reason. They were things he'd sooner rather forget. "I was on my own for pretty much the entirety of my teens. I was a hunter, but I never shared a brotherhood with them. Nobody had time, and even for those I did, I just... Couldn't ever look them in the eyes. I took my contracts and I left, returning only for the next one. When I joined the Kingsglaive, I had no reason to live on the roads anymore, but... Even if part of me perhaps wanted to try people again, I didn't know how. And I was too afraid to try. It's really only been during my time here on Zephon that... It just kind of came to me. I don't know for sure how, I didn't... Exactly wake up one day and decide I was going to do it. It just... Happened."
That was a lot. He didn't know how much would be understood, but he supposed it was nice to get it off his chest in a way. But Celes had asked a question, and boy was that one loaded. Caius took another sip to prepare himself for that one.
"Hmm. That's... Complicated. Noctis is here, I don't know if I've had the chance to mention. As is one of said confidantes of his in Ignis. But... Gods, I don't know how to explain this in a way that makes sense. But long story short, they don't know me. My own King didn't recognize me one bit after two years of service. Which... Well, I guess you can imagine how that felt. But their story doesn't line up with my own, nor does the story from anyone else I've met that came from Lucis. The only guess I've got is that they're from a different variant of my world, and the variant I come from just... Happened to get the short end of the stick for sending people here. If I had a chance to meet someone I know like Vanora, I guess I'd... Like that. I'd be excited, even. A chance to make right all those years of being the way I was, the chance to finally take that dive that I really did want to take but never had the chance? I'd like that. I'd like that a lot. But by the looks of it, the odds are pretty slim."
He looked to her, and gave a bittersweet smile. "But I think it's great. That you get to see Sabin again. I think it's a wonderful opportunity. And I guess you never know. Maybe one day I'll have the same chance."
Final Fantasy VI
22
YEARS
Female
Complicated
Heterosexual
429 POSTS
Fin
Use your own eyes and see for yourself whose side I'm on!
[attr=class,bulk] Caius spoke and Celes drank. She didn’t drink much, mind, but it felt better to have something to do with her hands. The wine might have tasted like thick, fruity syrup, but it was better than nothing so she kept on with her little, wincing sips. Caius was Caius. He was easier to talk to than most, but easier was relative, and she was still missing sleep.
At this time of day, the bar still had that awkward quiet to it that felt like anyone could be listening in if they really wanted to. Not that she thought that anyone would really want to, but it was the thought that counted.
”They have amnesia then?” Celes glanced at Caius, head slightly tilted. It was a crazy claim, no one remembering him, but then again it felt like nothing was truly crazy anymore. ”That’s common enough. I’ve seen people who can barely remember their own names.”
So had Caius, she was sure, but there was something else to it as well. ”A different...variant?”
Now that felt just a little crazier.
”I don’t think I understand.” Celes stopped to think on it a moment longer before she shook her head, settling the matter. ”It sounds like a misunderstanding to me. One person remembers one thing, forgets another. And the other person remembers and forgets the opposite. That would make for a completely different story, wouldn’t it?”
Now that she was talking, it sounded a little like she was trying to pick an argument. She really was a bad listener, wasn’t she?
”It’s funny,” she went on. ”Everything with Sabin. I just don’t know how to make it fit. I think you’ve seen him more than I have lately.” Off on fights. Battling sea monsters. All of that.
”Do you ever get stuck in a routine? And it’s like every day’s the same, one thing after another?” Celes sighed and set her glass back on the counter. ”I think I feel...all washed up.” Her lips twitched with a smirk. ”And not just because of the floods.”
Post by Caius Dragelion on Jun 12, 2021 21:30:31 GMT -6
The Dragonglaive
“It’s possible, but… This might be a bit much for just placed amnesia” he admitted with a bittersweet smile. “In their story, Noctis still saves the day and all that, but it costs him his life. Meaning as far as they know, all that time I spent as a Kingsglaive? Didn’t happen. You can’t have Kingsglaive without the Lucian bloodline to act as a conduit for our abilities. There’s also the issue of Ignis. I never knew him to be blind. But the Ignis I found here had been blinded, and only seemed to have just arrived here. I told the King about it, but he wasn’t surprised at all. Said he’d been blind for years. So far, everyone's story lines up except mine.”
Celes’ theory did have merit, of course it did. Even with the drink she was still one of the most resourceful people that he knew. But as much as he hated to say it, it was unlikely. This was such a drastic branch in events, and for everyone to remember things the same except for him? He still didn’t know how to respond to that. Celes kept going, and he listened, gingerly drinking along the way. She talked about how she couldn’t make things with Sabin fit, so to speak. And expressed she felt like she was stuck in a routine.
“I don’t feel that way, no” he admitted with a small smile. “Then again, this is the first time I’ve done something because I want to. Not to survive or out of obligation. I wanted this. Haven’t gotten tired of it yet.”
But her circumstances were different, he understood that. He gave it a bit of thought.
“It sounds like maybe you need to mix it up more” he brought up. “I think we have enough in the coffers to afford some help with the papers. In the meantime, we can switch off more until the help’s hired and trained and knows what they’re doing. As much as I resent paperwork, you getting to see the world or do whatever you want to do, is more important.”
Vordun would be bored. Perhaps he could bring him, if it was just to the Rest and back? He'd talk it over with Celes when they were more... Sober.
Final Fantasy VI
22
YEARS
Female
Complicated
Heterosexual
429 POSTS
Fin
Use your own eyes and see for yourself whose side I'm on!
[attr=class,bulk] ”Oh,” Celes said because she was listening, and she didn’t know enough to argue. Caius didn’t think it was just amnesia. Which was a funny thought now that she really thought about it. Just amnesia. Like complete memory loss was entirely commonplace! But it was now (at least to her) and what Caius was suggesting wasn’t, and it was all so complicated that Celes didn’t really know what to add. She thought that maybe his friend being blinded recently but also years ago could be explained by memory loss, but she didn’t want to suggest that again. So she stayed silent. Mostly.
”That sounds hard,” she added when he’d finished. That was all she could truthfully say. That it sounded hard. Because it did and she was glad that she didn’t have to deal with it and she wished that her friend didn’t have to either.
”None of this makes sense, and none of it’s fair.” She eyed her wine moodily before glancing at him. ”You don’t deserve this.”
And she meant it. There were people who deserved this, people like herself who could go either way, and people like Caius who’d never done anything wrong but were stranded here like all the rest of them. Celes’ world didn’t need her in it, but Caius’...?
No, that didn’t matter. Caius wouldn’t have wanted to go back anyway.
Caius told her that he didn’t feel washed up at all which just made her feel worse. It was just her then? Getting bored of their scheme to make the world a better place? Feeling like her boredom was somehow more important than helping people? Celes tapped her finger on her wine glass as Caius told her to mix it up more.
”Maybe,” she said then sighed. ”Alright, maybe that isn’t a terrible idea at all. Maybe we should hire someone to help us with everything I’m getting sick of, and then I could...I don’t know.” What did she want to do? Really?
”Maybe it would do me good to get out a little more.” She smiled at him sheepishly. ”I feel like I’m always working.”
Post by Caius Dragelion on Jul 13, 2021 11:21:26 GMT -6
The Dragonglaive
"That sounds hard" she said. "That's an understatement" he responded with a bitter smile. Caius didn't really know all the details. Heck, some of the details were becoming hazy already, as if the world was actively working to make this even harder. Could also be the alcohol. This entire thing was complicated and it made his head hurt. And sometimes he wished he could just forget all of it. But it was hard to serve a King for all those years and not have them even remember you, and on top of that, for them to recall a completely different set of events from what you had lived. As if you had never existed at all.
He bit his lip as she said he didn't deserve this. He didn't know if that was true. But he didn't voice it. He just emptied the rest of his drink down his throat as though it might make him feel better somehow. He knew he couldn't, though. What in the world could make you feel better about not only being disjointed from your world, but being further disjointed from what remnants did follow? Celes had Sabin. Caius had no link to his world that actually knew him. And while he couldn't prove it, it was very likely that he would never find one.
The only way to go was to move forward. And that... That was hard. Even if he didn't want to go back to Lucis, it was like Lucis had closed its doors to him in every way possible. To those who came from it... He had never existed.
So he did what he did best. He buried himself in other people's problems so he didn't have to think about his own. While drink-addled, he did his best to consider the specifics of how to help Celes with her issue. Celes agreed with the idea of hiring someone on and training them to help out with the paperwork. It would do the both of them good, surely. But especially Celes. And that's what was important.
"There's no harm in getting to enjoy the world you've worked so hard to protect, once in awhile" Caius brought up, with a sheepish smile. "I wouldn't know the first thing about how. But if you feel like you're always working, maybe you need to put down the pen and the sword and just... Be for a good while."
Boy, wouldn't it be nice if Caius took his own advice? Yet somehow the thought never struck him.
Final Fantasy VI
22
YEARS
Female
Complicated
Heterosexual
429 POSTS
Fin
Use your own eyes and see for yourself whose side I'm on!
It was a strange thought, wasn’t it? Getting to enjoy the world? It was even stranger coming from Caius who she knew couldn’t take his own advice if it killed him. He was as much a soldier as she was even if their circumstances differed, and they’d both been raised as weapons of war. His war had been against a horde of bloodthirsty daemons while hers…
Hers had been against the rest of the free world.
”I don’t know if I deserve that,” she said, perhaps too honestly. Now he’d tell her that of course she deserved it, and she’d say she wasn’t sure, and he’d tell her that she’d risked her life gods knew how many times for the sake of others, and she’d hum and tell him something noncommittal like ’Maybe.’ This was why she hated being honest with herself.
”I mean, what would I even do for one thing,” she asked, scoffing. ”It sounds so easy to ’just be.’ It should be the easiest thing in the world, shouldn’t it? All you have to do is simply exist.” Somehow a bar napkin had found its way into her hand, and she twisted it around her index finger, turning it slowly.
”But I don’t think I’m very good at it. Somehow I manage to screw even that up.”
’You don’t screw everything up,’ he’d say. ’I rely on you. You’re competent and good and-’
Celes took another drink of her wine. She didn’t like the taste, but it gave her something to do with her hands, and that was something.
”I could...go to Provo,” she said slowly. ”Maybe I could help Yuna for a while if we hired someone here. She offered to help me with my white magic. We went shopping together.”
And that had been more or less the end of their non-working relationship. Celes wasn’t the best at making friends. Particularly not among other women.
She just wasn’t used to them. But maybe that could change…
”What would you do? If I left for a while?” She glanced at him, smirking faintly. ”I wouldn’t want to leave you on your own.”
Post by Caius Dragelion on Aug 20, 2021 18:23:26 GMT -6
The Dragonglaive
Caius? Take his own advice? Oh no, absolutely not. He had been going stir crazy just sitting around doing the paperwork. It was very unlikely Caius knew the first thing about actually relaxing. He fished sometimes, but that was more for Vordun getting to rest than anything related to him. Also it stocked food for them, so there was that too. Caius taking any kind of vacation almost seemed like blasphemy, so he hadn't ever considered it for himself -- simply put, he had never thought he needed one. But Celes had indicated she needed to rest and settle herself mentally, so of course he would suggest it for HER. Just not for himself. Because that's just a Caius thing to do.
”I don’t know if I deserve that,” she said, and he tilted his head curiously. Didn't deserve? He wasn't sure if he understood that one. Was she talking about her past with the Empire again? She had expressed her guilt on that count a few times now.
"Maybe. Maybe not. But you've certainly earned one" he remarked with a short shrug. Deserving and earning were two different things, right? "Besides. If you're burnt out, it's in everyone's best interests if you do. You're a central piece of this operation, you being at your best benefits everyone."
Leave it to Caius to go for the completely unemotional route and find something practical instead. There really was no taking the workhorse out of this man, was there?
”I mean, what would I even do for one thing,” she asked, scoffing. ”It sounds so easy to ’just be.’ It should be the easiest thing in the world, shouldn’t it? All you have to do is simply exist.” -- ”But I don’t think I’m very good at it. Somehow I manage to screw even that up.”
"Mm..." he mused as he played with his glass. Screw-up this, screw-up that. There was a pattern there, wasn't it? He didn't really know how to answer that. He was definitely not qualified to be a therapist for anyone. "I don't... Really know the answer to that either. As Jessie had made very clear to me. But if I could wager a guess? I think the best thing you can do is try things. Throw knives at the wall until they stick. Take up knife throwing, I don't know."
Celes shot some ideas. Mostly just work. But it was at the very least a change of scenery for her. He smiled slightly. "It's a start" he agreed, finishing his drink. Though he laughed a bit when she asked what he would do without her. "Hmm... Well, once the intern's trained up and you've gone out on your epic quest for a change of scenery, I would probably stick around Torensten to make sure that they settle in fine and I can afford to step out without them setting the city on fire" he remarked, chuckling a bit more at the thought of one intern somehow pulling that off. "Take some more local jobs so I don't get too antsy, without going too far out. Take up your work and make sure those recruits don't get too out of shape without your stern voice to keep them in line."
He looked to her and smirked slightly. "Though I doubt any of them will be as enjoyable company. So try to at least come back eventually" came just a little bit of cheek. He was saying he would miss her. In his own way.
Final Fantasy VI
22
YEARS
Female
Complicated
Heterosexual
429 POSTS
Fin
Use your own eyes and see for yourself whose side I'm on!
[attr=class,bulk] ”Knife throwing?” Celes raised an eyebrow and then snorted in laughter. ”I had a friend like that. Well, he wasn’t exactly a friend. But anything in his hands was a deadly weapon. He’d take any old sword you had lying around, throw it, and-” She made a tossing motion with her hand. ”That was that.”
It wasn’t a bad skill if she could say so herself, but it wasn’t her. She wasn’t Shadow.
”We’ll have to find that intern then, won’t we?” She smirked a little wider despite herself. The word ’intern’ was absolutely ridiculous. They weren’t looking for an assistant. Not a secretary, but an intern. Maybe some kid from Torensten’s University of Magic looking to earn a few extra gil over the summer. They could turn it into a kind of official program. ’Local guild of mercenary looking for plucky young workers, inquire inside!’
”Of course I’d come back. That’s not the issue.” She twisted the napkin tighter around itself. ”It’s like...Do you ever get the feeling when you’re out on your own that you could keep walking forever? No one knows where you are, and if you really wanted to, you could just keep going and no one could do a thing about it. And you know that you won’t, but it’s nice to know that you could?”
Maybe that was a tad too personal. Oh well.
”I mean…” She tried again, searching for the right words. None of them felt adequate. ”I mean...Well, it’s not that strange, is it? It’s about the choice. I choose to go back, not because I have to, but because I want to. There’s power in that.”
The door opened and closed with the clatter of a bell. Someone else had joined them in the bar. Several someones, it appeared, though she didn’t pay the newcomers much attention. They were just background noise, really.
”That’s why I need to go, I think. I need the space to miss this.” She glanced at Caius carefully. ”You understand, don’t you?”
Post by Caius Dragelion on Oct 14, 2021 15:42:23 GMT -6
The Dragonglaive
He couldn’t help but laugh as she made the tossing motion with her hand to describe her “friend”. “Sounds like a fine person to have at your side. At least when it comes to a good fight” he remarked with a light smirk as he imagined the guy trying to throw some ridiculous looking swords at his enemies. Certainly a visual to behold.
Intern, secretary, whatever worked for him really. Whatever could do all this paperwork so the two of them weren’t trying to do an entire guild’s by themselves. Whatever worked best was fine with him. The bar’s open and close went by without Caius’ notice as he was too focused on listening to what Celes had to say. He tried to imagine the analogy she was making. He had always been free to go as far as he wanted, since usually wherever he wanted to go was where he needed to be. But free to go anywhere at anytime, and having the comfort of knowing you could? He hadn’t really thought about it. But he could understand it to an extent. He had enjoyed that freedom in essence, hadn’t he? He was gone for days, sometimes weeks at a time, free to take whatever detours he wanted on the way back. It was trusted that whatever he did would be for the betterment of the guild in the end, in however way that he did so. If he didn’t have that…
Well, at the least, he understood. So he nodded his head. “Of course I understand,” he spoke softly. “Choice is a powerful thing. And especially with the life you’ve lived before coming here, it makes sense why you’re feeling the way you are now.”
She had been cooped up in their headquarters a bit too long, perhaps. That was on him.
“I’ve been all over the place. And perhaps I don’t come back and relieve you often enough, but I understand the feeling of having that freedom and how big it can be. So once we’re all set, you go and do what you need to do. We’ll be here when you’ve found what you're looking for.”
Final Fantasy VI
22
YEARS
Female
Complicated
Heterosexual
429 POSTS
Fin
Use your own eyes and see for yourself whose side I'm on!
[attr=class,bulk] He understood. Or at least he said that he understood though she wasn’t entirely sure that he did. It was nice to say so at least. That was something.
”It has nothing to do with you,” she said. ”Or how often you come back. I could be doing anything around here, and I don’t think it would make a difference. I just need to leave for a while. That’s all.”
Why did it feel like she was arguing? He’d agreed with everything she’d said. And now she was free to go as soon as they were “all set.” She smirked faintly to herself.
”This certainly wasn’t how I thought today would go.” She glanced at him then shook her head. ”Everything’s been different since the storm. You feel it too, don’t you? Maybe I’ve just seen one too many disasters.”
The roar of laughter came from the bar’s new patrons. It wasn’t late enough in the day to cause such a ruckus, but they seemed to be starting early. The bartender had abandoned Celes and Caius entirely in his rush to keep up with the flood of new orders. From the look of them, this wasn’t the first bar the new crowd had stopped inside.
Celes picked up her glass and downed the rest of the wine in one gulp. There wasn’t much left, but it was thick and spiced and warm in all the wrong ways. She struggled not to gag.
”Well, I think that’s enough of this,” she said. ”Let’s go before things get any louder.”
Louder and more crowded. She hated the feeling of having someone at her back.
She placed the money for her drink on the counter and stood, straightening her jacket and the scarves on her hip. She felt less steady on her feet than usual, but it wasn’t so bad. She’d only had one drink, after all.
”I guess all that’s left now is to find that intern,” she said with an awkward smile. ”And maybe I should send word to Yuna. I don’t think I’ve seen her in a few months at least.”
