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Garnet looked slightly ashamed when Hilda pointed out that she could make the changes she wished for. The problem was that Garnet didn't know if those changes were correct or not, and when she was Queen, it was almost impossible to find anybody to have a conversation with about her doubts. People always sought to reassure her, to tell her she was right to rule, but Garnet was so afraid that in her heart that wasn't true. She felt like she never knew what she was doing, like she was too young, too inexperienced to lead. But she knew now that airing those doubts to her Auntie would have the same impact as airing them to Steiner or Beatrix. They were doubts she had to keep private, for now.

"...I guess it's a concern for another day. It is fairly impossible right now, after all," she tried to joke lightly. "Alexandria is far from here." She still wondered what was happening in her absence. Maybe all of her doubts about whether or not there should be a Queen would now resolve themselves, since she had vanished and there was no heir. Maybe in that way, it would be better if she never went back...

She sighed. No, that was her wishful thinking again. Trying to find an excuse to stay when she knew her duties still awaited her back in Alexandria.

Hilda's faith in Mikoto was a surprise, given that she didn't know the genome. In fact, Hilda's faith in general never ceased to amaze Garnet. How could somebody have been through what her Aunt had been through and still believe in the good in everyone? She realised that, somewhat ironically given how differently they presented themselves, Hilda was a lot more like Zidane than Garnet ever was. Zidane would have had the same faith. Garnet... did not. She was afraid, she realised. She had seen too much and lost too much and she was terrified of it happening again.

"I will trust in your faith in Mikoto," Garnet nodded, wanting to mean the words she said, but knowing that her fear would threaten to overtake her.

The change in Hilda when Garnet spoke about Kuja was palpable. Garnet felt her heart tear in two. She felt awful. She knew first hand the trauma that Kuja could put people through, and she realised she had, inadvertently, opened that old wound for Hilda. She moved, her eyes glistening and damp from shame, and sat next to Hilda, where she placed a hand on her lap and looked utterly ashamed.

"Oh, Auntie, I'm so sorry..." she said quietly, and Garnet looked truly ashamed of herself. And maybe she was right, maybe treating Kuja as a monster was the mistake. But, Garnet couldn't help it. She was terrified of him and she always would be. And she felt the burden of responsibility pressing down upon her. She had to bring him to justice for all the people he had hurt. That was her responsibility, wasn't it? Not only as monarch, but as the person who's power he had used to carry out his wrath.

When Hilda rose to leave, Garnet hesitated, but rose with her. She didn't want her Auntie to leave. If anything, she needed her, now more than ever. She felt so lost, and Hilda was the closest thing Garnet could get to the advice of her elders, whether it usually have been her mother, Beatrix, Steiner, or Cid. She had always had guidance. And now she had none.

"Auntie, please... wait," she said. Garnet paused, looking at her for a moment, and then she reached forward and embraced her in a hug. It wasn't a gesture most made in public, not really, but the kind of thing a child might do to her Auntie behind closed doors. Or a peasant girl named Dagger who didn't have to follow formal etiquette. She held Hilda close, and became teary eyed. She breathed in that scent, Hilda's expensive perfume, the one that Garnet had always loved but never tried because it was so much her Auntie's scent. "I'm sorry. I'm just so scared of him. You're so kind and wise to rise above your fear, but..." Garnet hesitated. "He... violated me. He took my power and he used it to kill thousands. And every time... every time I close my eyes, I see those people dying," she explained, her eyes damp and tears flowing freely now. "A-and it's like, part of me is the one killing them. And in some ways, it is. Because it's my power. It's part of my soul. And I... I let him take it from me because I was scared and stupid and I went home when I shouldn't have. If I'd just been a bit stronger, I could have used my summons earlier. If I'd just been a bit smarter, I'd have stayed in Lindblum where I was safe. Instead, I walked into his trap and I gave him my power and he used it to kill so many and there's nothing I can ever do to make that right again." She released her Aunt, although her eyes were still damp. She brushed away the tears the best that she could.

Hilda was right of course, that when a war ended, kingdoms usually made peace. But there were negotiations. There was process. War criminals were tried by the winner. Kuja was doubtlessly a war criminal.

"I don't think anything will bring me peace," she admitted. "Zidane thinks as you do. That... Kuja is family. He... risked his life to save Kuja, back at the Iifa Tree. I didn't understand why then. I'm not sure I understand why now. I think that both you and he are so much wiser than I am." Another reason Garnet wasn't sure she was actually fit to rule, but that wasn't a debate she wished to continue.

"Please don't go," she said earnestly. "I-I mean, I do not think that you would appreciate the accommodations here. We all share a dormitory and there is rather a lot of snoring, although I am still certain Grace was wrong when she accused me of doing so..." Garnet trailed off for a moment. As if she snored! But that was a debate for another time. "But with your abilities, you would be most welcome here if you chose to stay. But even if you do not... your company... is appreciated. I have not seen any family for... a long time."



@ladyhilda

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Garnet felt Hilda lightly brushing her hair as she held her close. It was such a comfort, and it made Garnet never want to break away. She knew that it wasn't appropriate. She was a Queen now, her days as a child were long behind her. The days of needing comfort from adults. She was the adult now. But, for a moment, it was nice. Hilda would never replace her mother, but it was nice to have an adult female figure that she could look up to. That she knew would love her, if needed.

She listened to Hilda's words. They contained wisdom, yes, but she thought they were much easier said than done. Deep down, she knew that it wasn't her fault so many people had died. It was like she had said to Hilda. Kuja had violated her. Ripped her power from her. How was Garnet supposed to know that would happen? She had no real understanding of her Eidolons back then. She didn't know who she truly was. But the fact remained. People were dead. Her people. Because of her mistakes. She realised that pain would never go away, even if she knew it wasn't truly her fault. She had thought she had beaten it. That she had evolved past it, but, seeing Kuja alive still, it had reopened those wounds. That fear within her of what he may do to her, given the chance.

Hilda was right though. Her concern had to be making it safer for the people who remained. Maybe THAT was why she was so afraid of him?
"But that is why we must stop him. If he... attacks again... Can you imagine? Another Lindblum? Another Alexandria? But here, when we knew what he was? What he was capable of? I was young and naïve when he exploited me before. I am no longer those things. I won't, I can't let it happen again. Not when I know what he is. Not when I can stand in his way," she explained. Not that she had a plan, still. But she knew something had to be done.

Hilda's words about Kuja's power made her feel better, however. She was right. He was just a man. She had seen that. Powerful, but mortal. He could be defeated. He had been defeated. He should, really, be afraid of Garnet. If she united with the others, they could defeat him again. Couldn't they? But it was difficult. It was scary.
"You're... right, Auntie. I will... keep watch on him. I will be prepared. He is at an disadvantage, and I have the advantage. Zidane is here, I am here, you are here, we are ready to stop him again if we need to. I just... don't wish for anybody else to be harmed this time. I wish to stop him before he can hurt others." It sounded naïve, she knew. Of course they all wanted that. But Hilda sounded as if she didn't quite believe that he was going to do anything bad again. Whereas, Garnet had no doubt that he would. It was in his nature.

No, that was too kind. Nature could be defied. Vivi was made as a weapon. Zidane was made as a weapon. Both of them found compassion, love, goodness. It wasn't in Kuja's nature. It was in his personality. In his choices. He wasn't evil by nature, he was evil by design. By his design. And she had no doubt that he would resume his evil ways at first opportunity, if he hadn't already.

She shook her head when they spoke of Zidane, saying how she didn't know his mind. Garnet couldn't hide a small smile and a laugh.
"I love Zidane with all of my heart, but I am not sure I understand his mind either," she laughed lightly. His compassion and his soul would forever be a mystery to her, but perhaps that was why she loved him so much. The way he saw the world, how he helped anybody who needed it, and how he saw the good in everyone, it was so admirable. He was a thief, raised on the streets. By all logic, he should resent a spoiled princess, but he had loved her, protected her, guided her, and shown her so much. She might never fully understand her, but she knew that she would always love him.

She smiled lightly when Hilda told her about the meanings of her name. Not because it was news to her; it wasn't. Garnet obviously knew the symbolism of her own name. But more because it was the sort of story Hilda would have told her when she was little to bring her comfort. It was nice. It made her feel young once again, and that was... pleasant. She smiled, enjoying the story, such as it was. Hilda's name meaning Shieldmaiden was news to her, however, but she admired her Auntie's confidence.

However, she did have a slight correction to make.
"Do not forget, Auntie, I am not just Garnet any longer," she answered. "I hope that you are right. That I spread... love and compassion, and that I can repel evil. But if I cannot, if Kuja attempts to harm anybody again, I am also a Dagger." She left it at that, because Hilda wanted to move on, and Garnet herself wasn't sure what that meant. She felt so much anger towards Kuja, but she wasn't a killer. She just... wanted to stop him. And she would fight if she needed to. She had proven that now, and it remained true.

Garnet smiled and laughed a little at Hilda's reaction to the threat of snoring.
"I once thought the same. But on our adventure, I had no choice. After you have slept through Steiner's snoring, very little will keep you awake. And that's without mentioning the rather bizarre noises Quina could make in the night," she laughed. She wondered what Hilda thought of her, the young Queen, raised a princess, but experienced camping in tents and sleeping with others. She imagined it was a surprise to her. "I am sure that your services will be gratefully received, until you find your position," she smiled, ignoring the light teasing about how she wasn't going to have to save to find some lost love. She didn't want to ask about Uncle Cid. Did Hilda not miss him at all? She knew that their relationship was complicated. It was not... as simple as her own and Zidane's.

She obeyed Hilda's wishes and held her tongue about her further fears involving Kuja. But if Hilda could find her way into the court again, couldn't Kuja? Wouldn't it be possible that he'd work his way back up? Yes, Kuja was down now, but not out. Garnet knew that he could do anything. He had seemed utterly defeated before. And he had always bounced back, more powerful than ever. She would respect Hilda's wish, but her fear remained behind her eyes that their battle with the sorcerer was still only just beginning.

@ladyhilda

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Garnet was glad by Hilda's reassurances that Kuja would never hurt anybody again. She had been worried by her Auntie's thoughts. Hilda had seemed the type to forgive in the name of diplomacy, and Garnet knew that Kuja was no aristocratic noble who would approve of a peace accord. He would use every and anything given to him to his advantage, and she knew that he would exploit Hilda's forgiveness and use it to destroy her, and perhaps, even the world. Still, it seemed that Hilda was set in opposing his ways, and hopefully, she had given her Auntie something to think about in regards to Kuja's actions.

She did look a little sheepish at Hilda's comment about her 'Dagger' retort. Yes, okay, perhaps that had been a little silly. The type of one liner Zidane would have come out with on their adventures, not something a Queen should be saying to her Auntie. She was, truth be told, a little embarrassed. She had thought it was witty when she said it, but now she felt foolish. Like a child again. She supposed it was only natural talking to your Aunt to end up feeling that way, but, well, she was a Queen now. She had to remember that.

Garnet couldn't hide a light chuckle at her Auntie's dismay at shared accomodations.
"Oh, I was quite the same. You should have seen me at Dali, when we first had to stay in an inn. There was only shared accommodations. I thought that I might faint!" Garnet smiled lightly. Of course, she had learned. She had adapted. "But, you may surprise yourself, at what you find yourself doing when you have no other choice. I did... so many things I had never even dreamed of on my journey. After that, sharing a room seems, well, rather pedestrian, if I'm honest," she smiled lightly.

Hilda asked if she could assist with any of Garnet's errands. Garnet paused for a moment, checking her list of what she had to do.
"Well, I was going to head to the local store for some supplies. White Magic is useful, but not all of our members are powerful enough to cast Esuna, so sometimes it's beneficial to stock up on various remedies," she answered. "You are of course welcome to come with me. It's only a short trip to the nearest item store."

@ladyhilda

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Garnet smiled a little as Hilda spoke about how her journey had led her to appreciate what she had and when she had it. She wasn't sure that was quite what she would have taken away from it. Hilda, it sounded, now appreciated the finer things in her life because she had lost them while captive by Kuja, whereas Garnet...

...well, it was different for her. She felt that she had learned what life was really about. She had seen the world. She had seen a better way of living. All the pomp and circumstance of being a queen, all of the formality and the rules, it wasn't what living was about. Yes, she had a responsibility to her people, and she would follow it through, but Zidane had taught her a better way of living her life. She had once told Zidane that without him, she would have lived a meaningless life. She knew that Hilda would probably balk at that sentiment. A royal leading a meaningless life? But it was true. Royalty, rules, leading, even being in power, it meant nothing. Not really. Not compared to the world she had seen. The bonds she had made. She had learned what was important. And it wasn't the fancy dresses or the castles or the plays. It was what she was doing now. Being there, helping people, forming connections, doing the right thing, no matter what.

"Oh, I learned many new skills, but... that's not quite what I meant," she smiled a little. "I mean, I won't pretend there were nights that I didn't miss my bed back in Alexandria, or wish perhaps for a private room... I mean, have you ever shared a tent with a Qu? It is... not for everyone... but, well, for all the hardships... for everything I lost, everything I went through, I wouldn't trade that time for anything. I learned so much. I grew so far. And now I think I know what's truly important." She hesitated. "No, not just important... You can be important, but live a life without meaning. I know now what makes life worth living. Camping... may not have been fit for a princess or a queen, and while I remember... losing sleep on hard floors, laying awake as Amarant snored or trying to pretend Steiner waking up early for guard duty hadn't woken me up by the clanking of his armour.... I also remember... staying up late around the campfire... Roasting food together... Laughing, joking, telling stories... Steiner and Zidane bickering like children, Quina cooking us the most incredible meals, Freya teaching me how to better wield my staff, Vivi and myself becoming rather competitive playing Tetra Master... And then, at the end of each night, resting my head on Zidane's shoulder as the moonlight shone down upon us... And in those moments... I don't think my life has ever felt more worthwhile." She smiled at the memory. It felt so far away now, even here. But even in Torensten, she had had similar moments. Moments of lightness and enjoyment with her fellow White Mages in the Covent, and of course, time with the others she had met beyond that.

"Maybe you will find the same?" She offered. "I know that it can seem absurd now, but I suspect that one day you'll look back on these days with fondness..."

"You can make... remedies?" Garnet paused. It was a silly thing to say. Of course there had to be an alchemical component to most potions and remedies. A way of manufacturing them. They weren't just harvested from dead monsters! But she had never thought about it before. She let out a slight laugh in surprise. "I guess I still have a lot to learn about the world," she laughed a little. "I think that sounds like a good idea. Remedies are very expensive, and the church doesn't make much in the way of gil. Anything to make them cheaper would help greatly," she explained.

"Of course. I'd love for you to come with me. Maybe I can show you how streetwise I've become. I know how to act like a regular peasant girl now, when shopping," she said proudly. Of course, Garnet's assessment of quite how well she'd learned to blend in was, perhaps, a little optimistic as ever, but she was still proud of how far she had come. "Come on, Auntie," she smiled, laughing a little as she led the way out of the church.

@ladyhilda