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Post by Caius Dragelion on Sept 30, 2020 16:03:32 GMT -6
The Dragonglaive
Celes Chere Word Count: OOC: Dialogue Color: 196fd1
No matter what he did, it didn't seem to be helping at all. While he calmly listened to what she said after that, it was clear that Celes was getting frustrated. And quite frankly, so was he. But while she elaborated a little, she suddenly began to talk about how she must be acting unreasonable, before standing and trying to dismiss the meeting. Caius shook his head, his expression turning completely serious, his gaze piercing as his tone regained some of the luster it had lost from his previous nerves.
“Yes, it does matter” he spoke up. “Celes, if it bothers you, I want to hear about it” he brought up in earnest. “What kind of friend would I be if I didn’t try to understand? Do I have complete clarity on the situation? No, I don’t. But I want to, that’s why I asked you to elaborate. I care about you, and about whatever’s going on right now. It doesn’t sound like it’s going to be the easiest thing in the world, but I don’t care. It’s worth it.”
He sighed, sounding perhaps a little annoyed. Perhaps he hadn’t been the best friend or working partner he could have been. But she was so quick to try to just give up on expressing what was wrong when things didn’t go the best the first time. It wouldn't get anything done. They'd just be right back to where they were at the start of this, and he'd still know nothing, no leads on how to even begin to make things right.
He took a drink. He should have brought something stronger. He tapped his glass a few times more, considering what she had said again in a bit more detail.
“What I can make sense of, at least… Perhaps my wording was off. Again” he remarked, letting out a short groan at the fact he’d done it again. Bloody hell. “Yeah. If you died, I think this operation would fall apart for awhile. You’re invaluable to all of us here, and nobody could do what you do anywhere near as well as you. I’d like to think I could get my s*!t together, but things would never be the same without you.”
He swore. He never swore. This was serious. But he stayed calm, serious. He needed to be.
“As for me… I don’t think I expressly said I’d die if I lost you, though whatever I tried to do after the cave incident would probably have wound up with me dead if you hadn’t spoken up… But… If I lost you? No, I don’t think I’d know what to do with myself for awhile. How could I? I said you were important to me. And I know that when things aren’t going well, or trouble comes around, you’re always there. I can always rely on you, and I've always appreciated that" he brought up. "This is understating it, but if something happened to you, it'd... Well, it would suck. "I would die" might be overstating it, but important people are important for a reason, right?"
Even while correcting things and trying to piece it all together, he still wanted her to know that she was important to him. The magnitude of that could never be understated The part about the people she had spoken to though, was a little bit harder, since he didn't expressly know what they had all said. He was definitely going to try, though. He mulled it over for a bit.
"I've definitely spoken of you when talking about the Dragonblades. Called you capable, reliable, talked you up a bit. Don't know anything about the keeping my life together part, but as far as saving me goes..." he mulled over again. "Hmm... I do recall way back, around when we first formed. There was a storm and an inn, keeper offered drinks in exchange for stories. And there was this girl I traded stories with, named Cissnei. For the excitement factor, I started with the whole Chosen King story. Then got in the Dragonblades plug, said my co-leader saved me from doing something I'd probably regret, we formed the Dragonblades, said Dragonblades have given me purpose, something like that. I do recall talking you up... Maybe a bit too glowingly, so that might have been on me. Perhaps I even did so with others, without realizing" he remarked, perhaps a little sheepishly towards the end as it came to him. God, that was so long ago. Had Celes met Cissnei? What in the world had she said? What had -he- said?
But...
He exhaled, taking another drink. "In the end though, I can talk about what I may or may not have said ages ago until my face is blue, but it doesn't really matter. The way I spoke of you has given an impression to people that's made you uncomfortable. That's what matters, and that, I apologize for. And that, I can make a serious attempt to rectify going forward."
Final Fantasy VI
22
YEARS
Female
Complicated
Heterosexual
429 POSTS
Fin
Use your own eyes and see for yourself whose side I'm on!
Use your own eyes, and see for yourself which side I'm on.
Celes didn’t want to hear this. She really didn’t. What she really wanted to do was leave. She wanted to hide in an empty room and lock the door and never come out again. She didn’t want to feel like a child. She didn’t want Caius, who felt so sorry for making her feel the way she did, to keep telling her why she was wrong for feeling it. She didn’t want Caius.
”I don’t care.” She felt almost strangled by herself. Something inside longed to be free and to lash out in anger. No, she wasn’t a child and she wasn’t imagining anything. Unreasonable or not, she had every right to be angry. And he was wrong.
”I don’t care!” she said again, louder. She felt herself slipping into her general’s persona -- straight-backed, cold, and unwavering. The more he spoke the more he irked her. The more he explained himself the less she understood.
”Whether you realize it or not, you keep doing this! You just did! If you feel so practical about it then why don’t you act that way? You told me that you’d fall apart! No matter how you meant it, you keep doing it! And you always have this look in your eye! This soft, awful look that tells me everything you’re not saying!”
She turned away from him, arms crossed. ”I used to think you must be in love with me. That night at the masquerade you looked like it. You had that look and what you said…” She tensed. ”I don’t want to mean the world to you, Caius. I don’t want to stand for something that you have to protect. Whether you say it or not, I can see it, and I hate it. And when Yuna and Cissnei and everyone else keeps telling me that I ’saved you’ as the first thing after I say hello then what am I supposed to take from that?”
She shook her head. ”I don’t want you to tell me that you never said it. I was paying attention. I’m not stupid. I want you to tell me you’re sorry and that you’ll knock it off. Even if you didn’t realize you were doing it, I want you to realize it now.”
Post by Caius Dragelion on Oct 1, 2020 11:15:21 GMT -6
The Dragonglaive
@tag Word Count: OOC: Dialogue Color: 196fd1
Caius was typically stubborn. He wasn't one to give up on something that was important to him. But now, it was more than clear that he was just making things worse. He endured another verbal lashing, and the more it went on, the more frustrated he became. He was trying so hard to make this right, but he didn't seem to be able to just do it right. His fingers gripped the edge of the table tightly as his annoyance slowly grew into anger. Why was this so complicated? Why couldn't he seem to do this right, and why did this continue to escalate no matter how much he tried? In the end, he'd spoken what had been on his mind all this time, and all it had done was cause more anger.
He bristled when she said she had thought he was in love with her at the Masquerade. His eyes stopped meeting hers at that moment, preferring to stare at his drink. Caius wasn't a good liar. But it kept going, and going, and going. And when she finally got to what she actually wanted? For a moment, he was angry at her. Why didn't she just say that from the beginning? Why did it take this long for her to just say that? Hell, hadn't he done this already? Sure, he hadn't exactly been simple about it, but he had apologized a hundred times now, and had done his best to make it very clear that he'd knock it off. This should have been handled by now, but no, she had to keep going off! For a moment, a small part if she just wanted to go off at him, or anyone really, and nothing else. But this flare of anger only lasted a moment as he took a breath and let himself settle down, swallowing his emotions as he would on the battlefield. No, she wouldn't do this unreasonably, he told himself. Perhaps her behavior was a bit much, and avoiding him instead of handling this ages ago was a problem, but he had clearly not been helping with what he had been saying. There were things he wanted to say. He wanted to tell her that yes, he wanted her to be safe, but he knew she could handle herself. They were partners in this business, they did the protecting together. That was literally their job. But he knew that anything he was going to say would just make it worse. There was little else left he could say. So he left it be.
Perhaps he had bared his soul a bit too much. Been too open, to the point it just made people uncomfortable. Perhaps all the way back then, he'd had the right of it after all. He didn't know. There were a lot of things running hot through his mind right now. It hurt hearing this from her. Her, of all people. It hurt that he wanted to make this right, and yet all he seemed to do was make it worse. He was frustrated that no matter what he did, the drama didn't stop. He was hurting her even more the more he spoke up, frustrating her even more, and he in turn was growing frustrated himself.
But at the least, he understood what needed to be done now. He finally met her eyes. His tone was calm, but flat, serious. Nothing behind it but a business-like blunt edge.
"Understood" came his answer as he rose to his feet. "I apologize. It will not happen further."
Holding his emotions back wasn't the easiest thing in the world, but his expression had reverted to something more neutral, hiding it all. He slid the chair in, seeming to call that the end oft the meeting.
"Thanks for listening" he spoke up, then. He picked up what was left of his drink and quickly downed it, not wanting to waste it. He then moved to business. "I meant to ask when I came back, do you want to switch off for a bit? I've been meaning to work more with the recruits once I finished my business in Sonora."
A business trip that hadn't gone the way he had hoped, as it was. It seemed his homecoming wasn't going much better.
If she chose to switch off, hopefully whatever she chose to do would go better than it had gone for him recently. It sounded like she did well enough on her last job, hopefully that streak would continue.
Final Fantasy VI
22
YEARS
Female
Complicated
Heterosexual
429 POSTS
Fin
Use your own eyes and see for yourself whose side I'm on!
Use your own eyes, and see for yourself which side I'm on.
There was a long silence. Celes felt her heart pounding in her chest. She felt her hands sweat as the hot anger rolled in the back of her throat. She’d really done it, hadn’t she? There it was all out in the open, and there was no taking it back. Was she in the wrong? She didn’t know, but it hardly mattered now. She only knew that she’d said what she’d needed to. She only knew that if he said anything else, she might scream.
She wanted to run. When had she ever felt this strongly about anything? About anyone? She’d never known anyone well enough for that, and now it felt like torture. She gripped her arms tighter.
If he tried to explain himself again, she’d leave. They had a new base in Provo, didn’t they? She could stay with Yuna and help her get the project off the ground and not ever have to deal with another second of this agai-
”Understood.”
”Huh?” Celes looked up in surprise. Caius had a neutral expression. A too neutral expression that was obviously suppressing something. She didn’t know if she liked it, but he said he apologized, and that he wouldn’t do it again. ”O-oh.”
She stared at him. Was that really...it?
He stood, pushing in his chair and the one she’d roughly thrown back herself. He finished his drink in one solid swallow. She’d entirely forgotten about her own.
"I meant to ask when I came back, do you want to switch off for a bit? I've been meaning to work more with the recruits once I finished my business in Sonora."
”Switch?” The word didn’t quite land the way it should have. Why was it suddenly so...normal? She felt like she’d been turned upside down. ”Oh. Right. Yes. I think I’d like that.”
Stop staring. Stop staring.
”I um…” Celes felt her cheeks turn hot. ”Well. Thanks. I didn’t think you’d-...”
Listen to me.
”I didn’t mean to...I mean…”
She was blushing. Damn it.
”Thanks,” she said again. Then her words ran out. She wished she had more of them, but she didn’t, and she felt their absence like a suffocating weight.
”Well, I’ll um…” She waved her hands, gesturing towards the hallway. ”I’ll go now. I really am tired, you know. It was a long trip from Provo. I don’t think I’ve slept in about two days so…”
Words? What were they?
”Bye.” She let out that final, terrible squeak as she scurried off into final, blissful silence. She didn’t know where she was going until she found herself in one of the spare rooms meant for tired recruits. She closed the door, locked it, then stepped back, wondering if she was going to cry or scream.
She decided to scream. Quietly. Into both of her hands.
”Damn it!” she cried out then fell roughly on the bed. Why was she still mad? He’d given her exactly what she’d wanted, and yet…
”No. You’ll go out and do some missions. You’ll go with Sabin. Sabin’s here, remember? You have someone you know now. Not just Caius.”
Yes, Sabin was here. How would he feel about disappearing with her in the night? Probably thrilled if she found a nice cliff at the edge of a mountain and parked him in front of some bears and a nice tree to punch.
She could use a tree like that.
Celes shoved her face in her hands and screamed again, breathy and quiet and not quite as satisfying as she’d hoped it would be. Then she shoved herself onto her back and watched the ceiling.
It wasn’t particularly interesting.
”Everything will be okay,” she told herself. ”You’re here. And Sabin’s here. And you can figure everything else out later.”
Later. Part of her hoped that ‘later’ would never come at all.
Post by Caius Dragelion on Oct 1, 2020 17:04:14 GMT -6
The Dragonglaive
Celes Chere Word Count: OOC: Dialogue Color: 196fd1
That... Was that, wasn't it? It was over, it was done. The soul baring, the arguing, this nonstop cycle back and forth was finished.
"Thanks" she said, and he managed a curt nod. "Yeah."
And then she was gone. He couldn't even watch her go. He held that neutral, hardened, almost vacant expression for as long as he could. And when she was gone, he put the mugs away, placing her drink in a storage unit magically empowered to keep it fresh. In Sonora, they'd call something like that a fridge. Here he had no idea what it was called. With the room tidied up, Caius settled himself down at the desk, staring down at the papers that needed to be handled for the day. He picked up a pen and just... Stared.
He let out a seethe as he dropped the pen, and slammed his hand down.
He couldn't hold it anymore. His elbows propped on the desk as he buried his face in his hands. How could he have been so stupid? All he had to do was apologize, say he wouldn't do it anymore, and bury it. That was it. That was all he had to do, and he could have avoided all of this. Why had that been so hard? What about her made this so hard? Why did she then make this so complicated? Why couldn't he do a damn thing without hurting her further? It was the last damned thing he wanted, this was the opposite of what he wanted! He'd wanted to make things right between them, he didn't want to be a burden to her anymore. And he'd hidden... That, because it would do nothing but cause her pain. So what the hell was this, then? He'd done everything except the one thing he was trying to do. Why was he like this? Why couldn't he just be... Well... Normal? Why couldn't he understand these things and know what to do when it needed to be done? What in the world had possessed him to just keep talking when he shouldn't have? Why did he bare his soul like that? There were just so many questions and he didn't know where to begin on answering them.
He hated what he had done. And he hated himself for doing it. He felt helpless, stuck somewhere between frustrated, horribly angry and just wanting to break down into sobs.
Why did he feel this way?
Yuna and Aera had said that strong feelings were associated with... Well... But Caius didn't know how to make sense of it all. Was this what they meant? He didn't know. He wasn't sure if he wanted to know. And wasn't he supposed to be pushing it down? Not letting it be a problem? She didn't... She didn't feel that way. She didn't even like that kind of thing period, by what she had told him. And he'd likely dodged a bullet by not completely betraying his feelings. Dodged a bullet in causing her even more pain. He knew he needed to push it down, forget about it... But it was hard. Especially now. All he wanted was to make it right, get things back to the way they were. She was happy back then. Sometimes she even smiled. That was all he wanted. He was fine to squash it all down and never breathe a word of it if need be, her being happy was enough for him. And yet... He couldn't even do that. And it hurt. It hurt more than anything associated with someone should hurt.
His chest felt heavy, his breathing wasn't the most regulated, and he felt like he just wanted to fall over. This shouldn't hurt this much, should it? This was territory he didn't know. And honestly, part of it kind of scared him. He thought he had everything figured out. Today had proven that was far from the truth.
Part of him wanted to run. Get the hell away from Torensten for awhile. Go to Provo, work on that expansion project they talked about. Help Yuna make a name for them over there like they'd planned on. Lose himself in the action, in the battles, in the thrill of the fight and the satisfaction of a job well done.
That was his element. This? This was the furthest thing from it.
But he had a duty here. He had a job to do, and he needed to be an adult and do that job. The recruits hadn't arrived yet, so paperwork would need to be done. He tried, but... It was hard for him to focus for a good while. He couldn't stop thinking about what he'd done. The things she'd said about what he had said, what he had done... Some of it still didn't make any sense, but he tried. By God, did he try. He chased loose threads as much as he could. A few things she had said in particular were still strange to him, but there was one string in particular...
He had a pretty good idea, at least, of who had merited a more detailed bit regarding Celes. Cecil, Yuna... Yuna, perhaps he had said some more personal things, but he didn't recall... And then there was Cissnei. The likely source of the bit about giving him purpose. He knew for sure he hadn't said anything of the sort... Why would he? Saying the Dragonblades had given him purpose was a good sales pitch, but as strongly as he felt about Celes... The rest seemed off. If it was her that Celes had met with, that was certainly a weird thing to relay... In general, really. Especially when the conversation had gone on about a year ago. And now that he considered their meeting back in Sonora... And thought back to the story she'd told when they first met, and then the description of their former employment from her co-worker...
Perhaps old habits died hard, after all.
While the blame rested mainly on his shoulders, something about what she had said made a decision for him. He could hear the sound of boots clomping. The recruits would be in soon. He let out a sigh. Perhaps he'd focus better on the paper aspect once he'd cleared his head a little. Where his head had gone though, his first instinct was to throw a business warning to Celes. He considered going up and speaking to her, but...
No. No, he wasn't doing that. He couldn't face her. Not right now. And especially not with anything to do with their previous talk. He couldn't handle that again, not right now. More importantly, he didn't want to put that on her.
Taking a deep breath, he grabbed some pen and paper and decided to just write a note.
"Cel: Something bothering me. If one of the contacts you have happens to be an orange-haired woman called Cissnei, I've met some of her co-workers, found out bits and pieces about the organization she used to work for. Not exactly honest and savory people. The Turks were covert specialists. Even now none of them use their real identities."
No crap. Who names their kid Umbrella?
"I met her again during my trip. She considers us competition for her new business. I'll leave whether that's cause for caution going forward up to your judgement. - C"
He didn't want to distrust Cissnei. He'd trusted her completely on their first few meetings, but meeting the others had started to put pieces together. At first, he had dismissed it, but... Thinking back on her behavior at the Sonora meeting... And now...
It seemed how he treated people he respected was a problem in more ways than one.
Perhaps he was just paranoid. Perhaps she'd simply misunderstood, or maybe it wasn't her at all. But something about her and her co-workers struck at those old instincts. The very ones that had kept him alive after escaping the bandits back in his own world. Paranoid would have to do.
He stuck it somewhere he knew only Celes would find once she was back at work here. As the recruits filed in, Caius took off his jacket. While it was easier to handle in here, the heat had been absolutely atrocious lately. And wearing that big black jacket? He suddenly didn't know why he hadn't fallen over by now.
He hung it up and rose to his feet as the recruits came in. One asked after Celes. Why wouldn't they? How often did Caius work with them?
He wiped his face with his arm, and with it, any signs of emotion. Neutral. Calm. All business. Celes had the job of keeping them together, training them, honing them. Caius had the job of bringing them in and making sure they knew what to shoot for. Warriors, Dragonblades. Both Caius and Celes played their part in ensuring the growth, development and molding these would-be combatants into strong, humane standard bearers of their dreams.
Now it was time for him to play his part. As much as he wanted to, this wasn't the time for tears. That would come later.
Even if he hoped later wouldn't need to come at all. That wasn't a time he looked forward to.
He turned to face them. Calm, collected, stone serious, resolute... Hiding a world of emotions behind a stone mask. He cleared his throat and spoke up, with a voice emulating the blonde general to the best of his ability.
"You'll be training with me today."
His sword materialized in his hand as he pointed it towards the courtyard.
