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year 5, quarter 3
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Celes blinked and looked behind her, eyebrows raised in surprise. It was Caius. Part of her knew she should have expected this -- or at least expected she’d run into someone she knew -- but she couldn’t say she’d thought Caius would have ended up somewhere like this. Yuna, maybe. But Caius felt like an odd fit for somewhere as quiet and delicate as this. He didn’t seem like the type for flowers.
Maybe she’d been wrong.
”Oh,” she said then gave him an awkward smile. ”I guess you were sent here too.” She hadn’t known whether he’d sign up or not. She’d wanted him to, and Sabin had made the suggestion to him specifically because she’d mentioned her concerns. Unfortunately, he hadn’t understood when he was meant to listen to her feelings and when he was supposed to take action. Sabin was simple that way, and it seemed like both she had Caius had paid the price.
She’d hoped he would because it was someone else she knew that she could add to the pile. She’d wanted him to because she thought he might be happy if he met someone else, and then maybe she could lower her defenses. She’d also felt a little relief that no matter how much this night might crash and burn, at least she could come back to Caius and they could share their stories together.
No matter what happened, she’d be a little less mortified if he’d had as terrible a night as she’d had. Which sounded a little selfish now that she thought about it.
Hm.
’You look wonderful.’
”Oh. Um. You too.” She didn’t really think about what she’d said until it was out of her mouth, and then she just let it sit there because she was still preoccupied with looking at the small crowd behind him. No green badges. Celes twisted her hip scarf a little tighter around her finger.
She liked seeing Caius. She really did, but right now it felt a little strange when she was all dressed up with her makeup and curled hair and corset. It wasn’t the kind of context she wanted with him, and she was still on edge. Any other time and maybe his comment would have bothered her. Now though? She supposed that looking nice was kind of the point, and she was too preoccupied with her own nerves to let it get to her. Caius himself looked fine. He’d cleaned up for this which said a lot. His suit wasn’t quite for her, but she’d seen the style often enough to know that some woman out there would probably be glad to see him. She hoped it went well for him. She really did, and as he bowed his head, she smiled back nervously, glad that he felt the same.
Then his eyes landed on her chest and he froze, a look of horror in his eyes.
It was almost comical, just how quickly he could change expression. His mouth fell open. She thought she saw the color drain from his face. Celes followed his gaze towards her pinned badge. Her brow knit with confusion.
”Caius? What’s wrong?”
But he didn’t answer. Not at first. She touched at the badge as her thoughts slowly caught up to her.
He’d been happy to see her.
Then he’d seen her badge.
Now he was horrified.
”Caius?” she said slowly. ”Where’s your…?” She didn’t see his badge pinned on him. They must have given him one, hadn’t they?
”Wait…” Realization came to her slowly, so clear and yet terrible enough that she hadn’t wanted to believe it. It was like the rising moon -- cold and familiar and entirely inevitable. ”Your badge. It’s green, isn’t it?”
She didn’t need to see his face. She didn’t need an answer at all. It was all so obvious. ”You’re really my…?”
She couldn’t finish the thought before she’d burst out laughing.
It wasn’t how she’d expected she’d have reacted if you’d asked her that morning. If she’d been asked, she would have guessed that she’d have frozen the same way Caius had, horrified and mortified and wanting to sink straight into the ground. But really, it was all so predictable that she couldn’t help but laugh even as the corset constricted her stomach and she had to grasp it in her hands, nearly doubling over with her efforts.
”Of course it’s you!” She was vaguely aware that other couples were looking at them. She saw a few men shoot Caius deeply sympathetic looks. ”We’re so much alike, and we both sign up for a date based on what you have in common!”
Celes wiped at her eye and straightened, trying desperately to regain her composure. She didn’t want too many men to think Caius had struck out, after all. ”Well. I guess this won’t be too bad.” She shook her head, smiling wryly. ”Though I guess I didn’t need to dress up so much.”
Celes stood in the quiet hush of the botanical gardens, considering the topiaries beneath a lush of wide-leaved trees. It was all rather quiet here despite the nearby tram stop and the several prospective couples drifting down its steps. She saw men and women approach each other awkwardly, making small introductions and commenting on the respective colors of their badges. Celes had her own pinned to her chest like a military honor. Not far away, the trams hummed by on their continual loop, dipping in and out of the sky on their railway path. One of them must have carried the man who she would see tonight. Or maybe he was still on his way.
She felt sick with nerves.
She didn’t know what had possessed her to do this. Maybe it was Yuna’s excitement to meet someone new. Maybe it was the list of potential destinations. Maybe it was the free gil. Either way, she’d decided on it and now here she was, dressed in such a way that she could hardly recognize herself. She’d done her hair in rivulet curls, half pulled back into a golden clasp. Her waist was cinched into a black corset over a lacy, rose-embroidered top. She wasn’t dressed in the local fashion She’d had to assemble it all herself, but all of it from the scarves to the cape to the magic-infused battle earrings were well and truly her. Even if her mirror hadn’t been so certain of that.
Her stomach turned, and she found herself twisting one of the scarves tied around her hip. She wished that Yuna or Jessie was here. They’d helped her buy all of this after all, and it was only right that they see what she’d done with it all. It was strange, thinking of someone like that. Were they friends? The only girl she’d spent much time with before was Terra, and they’d never exactly been close…
Her thoughts were wandering. She moved a little farther down the hedge rows.
’Is that a red badge? Looks like I have one too. My name’s-'
’It’s nice to meet you. I heard you like-?’
’You’re beautiful. I hope it’s okay if I say so.’
Celes had a green badge. She didn’t see anyone else who matched so she simply stood there, waiting. She stopped by a particularly stunning topiary of a woman in a thick ball gown. It was carved from the hedges and colored with a woven arrangement of flowers in yellow, red, and blue. The petals intertwined into a kind of crown of petals in her hair as she gazed upwards hopefully into the night sky. Celes reached out and touched one of the strange, tropical flowers.
They smelled of soft lilies and moonlit paths.
”I can do this,” she whispered to herself. The man on the matched form had sounded simple and rough and maybe a little boorish, but she thought they might get along. She hoped they would. She tried to imagine some strong and hardened monster hunter who liked camping under the stars. Her mind kept drifting to rogues and teasing smiles. An idiot with his heart set in the right place. Her fingers trembled.
”I can do this.” She grabbed her hand tightly in the other and took a long, steadying breath. She wanted to meet someone new. She wanted to take a chance.
And if it all turned out disastrously, at least she had the flowers.
Post by Celes Chere on Feb 3, 2021 10:28:30 GMT -6
[attr="class","oneword1"]
[attr="class","fromyou1"]@jessie
Just two girls bonding over weaponry
Use your own eyes, and see for yourself which side I'm on.
”With the Dragonblades? Oh about…” How long had it been? It felt like forever. ”A year?” She’d go with that.
”We started it together. It was hard, living as a mercenary on our own. We’re not from here. It was a shock.” To say the least. It had taken her longer than she wanted to admit, getting used to the clean air and green earth. Even the quiet chirping of birds or the rustle of leaves had set her on edge. It had all felt like a surreal dream -- a product of her broken imagination.
At this point, she didn’t much care if she’d gone crazy. This was her life. There was no way she would ever let anything drag her back into her old one.
”But we worked together for a while and eventually decided that we’d try to make something of it. Most of the men who come by are just trying to make a name for themselves, but we’ve been able to help plenty of people like us. Even if it’s just to orient them a little.”
That was the best part, Celes thought. She’d had the ’this is where you are, this is what’s happening’ talk more times than she could count, but it always felt a little rewarding, guiding them through it. She wished that she’d had someone to do the same. Instead, she’d woken up in a forest that shouldn’t have existed and had wandered her way out into a confusing world which meant absolutely nothing to her. She wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
Or most anyone at least. She knew a few people who she’d rather like to get dragged into a dimensional hole never to be seen again.
Celes laughed at Jessie’s assessment of their training yard. ”That’s us. Nothing fancy.” Celes wouldn’t have known how to be fancy if she’d tried. She’d grown up in the military, after all. Even at its flashiest, it was all about practicality.
”You want to learn a sword?” she asked, mildly surprised. She’d offered, of course, but she hadn’t expected her to agree. Most people didn’t. Particularly not someone with training in something else like magic or guns. Celes straightened. It wasn’t often that someone took an interest in what she did. Not willingly, anyway.
”It’s not a problem at all,” she said, smiling. ”Like I said, I didn’t have much to do today anyway. I usually train the mercenaries in combat, but they’re…” She searched for the word. ”Stubborn.”
Indignant. Prideful. Unwilling to properly listen or even fully believe that she had skills to listen to.
Men.
”We have plenty of extra swords if you want to start now. There’s longswords, shortswords, rapiers…” She gestured to the storage space where they kept them. ”Well, they’re over there if you want to look at them. Some are easier to handle than others.”
I'm starting to get the feeling that Celes pushes people away
Use your own eyes, and see for yourself which side I'm on.
”Cel?”
Celes looked at him. She already had a sinking feeling about what he would say next. He had a certain tone that wasn’t helped by his preface that he wasn’t good at speaking and that this would be abrupt. Caius was about to talk about his feelings. For her. She shifted preemptively, hoping that her discomfort would be enough to dissuade him. He was never the most observant of men, however.
Few men were.
”Oh,” she said as he continued. She didn’t like how he said it. Irreplaceable. Grateful. Partners. Part of her wanted to blame her rising dread on those old suggestions that he might be in love with her. It certainly sounded like it, and hadn’t she told him to knock that off? But another part, a part that surfaced somewhere between her waking and sleeping mind, told her that it wouldn’t have mattered.
She didn’t like those words because they frightened her. She wasn’t special at all, really. Not to herself, and certainly not to anyone else.
”Well.” She struggled for appropriate words and settled on, ”Thank you.”
Then she fell into silence. What else was there to say? What could anyone say to that?
”I should sleep,” she said as she stood, forcing weight back onto her protesting feet. The wind whistled through the window’s broken glass, and she shivered as it caught her nightdress. She must have looked a mess with her uncombed hair and bare socks. Had he ever seen her like this? Probably, but that didn’t mean she had to like it.
”It’s been a long day. For both of us.” She stopped again, unsure what to say. Should she reassure him about the drinks? Tell him she was glad he was safe? She pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ear. ”Goodnight, Caius.”
With that, she walked past him, heading back to the guest room she’d claimed for herself. Already, she longed for its plush warmth. She wanted it to engulf her. She wanted more than anything to return to her quiet cocoon, unbothered and safe. Still, something uneasy rose inside her at the way they’d parted. She didn’t like leaving Caius alone like that. Not after everything he’d been through.
She’d make it up to him in the morning. Or the day after. They’d have drinks and she’d pretend that nothing had happened and everything would be okay again. Tomorrow.
Use your own eyes, and see for yourself which side I'm on.
Nyx. Celes hadn’t heard the name before, and now she was certain that she’d never bothered to ask during the flood. She felt a pain of guilt again at her own panic. She should have asked, shouldn’t she? How would she have felt is Caius had only dropped that he’d seen someone who knew her without telling a single other thing about him? It had all worked out in the end, she supposed, but it still left her feeling stupid.
Why hadn’t Caius told her about this other kingsglaive? She guessed this was what she got for barely talking to him for weeks.
Drinks it was then. Celes laughed weakly, pushing her hair behind her ear. It was funny to her that she’d even be thinking about something so silly so soon after she’d nearly drowned. Then again, if it could help Setzer cope then it must have done something for trauma. ”I more drank around them,” Celes said. ”I never wanted to go. And usually they didn’t want me around.” Who would want drinks with their commanding officer, anyway? Particularly one with such a cold reputation as she had.
”Drinking superpowers?” She raised her eyebrows, smiling despite herself. Oh Caius. ”You know, I think I’ve known a few people with those.”
Drunkards, that was. She thought Edgar would have gotten a kick out of that.
”Sabin’s....something,” she said then shook her head, laughing. ”I’m too hard on him. He’s a wonderful person. Brave and strong. He cares about his friends. But we’re not much alike, I don’t think.”
He was simple and straightforward and confident. She was...not that.
”If you want to hear about my friends then we’re going to be there for a while,” Celes said seriously. ”I’m not sure if I’d call them all friends, but there must have been over a dozen of us by the end. I guess the end of the world really brings people together.” Not really, but it was nice to think. If left to their own devices, they would have all stayed scattered and alone.
Her throat tightened. Enough of that.
Caius excused himself, and Celes was left sitting by the fire alone. It was funny, sitting there in the night, bathed in that orange light near a shattered window, the humid wind howling. There was something strangely oppressive in it. Something almost suffocating. The fire crackled beside her, and she tried to settle into its heat. She felt suddenly exposed. She supposed it must have been her night dress. She was always composed around Caius. Or anyone, really.
Caius came back better dressed than she was. It made her feel a little more self-conscious. He still looked half dead on his feet.
”You can go sleep, you know,” she said teasingly. ”I’ll still be here.”
Use your own eyes, and see for yourself which side I'm on.
’I doubt it took much convincing.’
Celes wished that it hadn’t. She wished that putting on her general’s confidence worked as well in the training yard as it did on the town streets. There, she came off as abrasive. Confrontational. It was all fine and well in an emergency, but for anyone who didn’t believe it was an emergency, it just put them on the defense. Sure, she’d managed to command more of the people out of danger, but there were still those stubborn hanger-ons who wouldn’t listen no matter what she said.
She was too tired to argue. Let him think she’d done a good job. She still knew the truth.
”Well…” Celes tried to think of the man who’d rescued her. The memories were hazy while she’d been choking, but she knew all the important bits, and as soon as they struck her, she couldn’t believe she hadn’t mentioned them before. ”He was a kingsglaive,” she said. ”He told me he knew you. I didn’t catch his name.”
She should have asked. If she hadn’t been so busy vomiting up river sludge. Stupid.
”Sorry.” Celes rubbed at her eye. ”I thought it was you at first. He used his warping to pull me from the flood. But it all happened so fast…”
She tried to remember. The details floated back like echoes through muddy water. ”He was...big. In a black coat. His hair was slicked back. That’s all I remember.”
Stupid. This must have been important to him. If only she’d been thinking straight.
Once again, Caius told her she’d done well. Once again, she didn’t believe him. It didn’t matter. What was done was done, and it didn’t really matter what they called it. Celes was fairly convinced that Caius would have praised her efforts no matter how badly she’d done. She wondered if that was a ’friend’ thing of a ’Caius’ thing.
”Drink?” She looked up. ”Oh, I don’t really…” She paused. ”Well I have. Before. It comes from being surrounded by soldiers. Then there was Edgar and Setzer…” The two of them hadn’t taken no for an answer. They really were pushy that way. And far too interested in themselves.
”I wouldn’t mind,” she said. ”Though don’t expect much. I’m a lightweight. That’s what they told me, anyway.”
Use your own eyes, and see for yourself which side I'm on.
”Oh. That’s um…A lot.”
She’d asked for the full story, and she got the full story. She couldn’t say she wasn’t interested -- she was -- but her head felt too foggy for this. She could only begin to follow along.
The Kraken was dead. Caius had survived. Sabin had survived. They’d all made it back safely, and the king had even recognized them for it. It was a relief to hear about Vordun though she really hoped that Caius wouldn’t let it get to his head. It had taken far too long to convince him not to parade that dragon down every public street, and now he had a legal excuse.
She was too tired to question the rest of it. There was something about frogs that struck her in particular. Later. After she’d slept for three days, maybe.
Celes sighed. ”What I mean is...You’ve been through a lot. I wish I could have helped.” She knew what he was going to say. ’You were needed here. I’m sure you did fine,’ but that didn’t do anything to make her feel better. If anything, it made her feel worse.
Here you are, killing sea monsters. Here I am, nearly drowning.
”The evacuation was rough,” she said. ”I mean, most people listened, but not everyone. I stayed behind to try to convince them. It felt like talking to a brick wall.” Her lips twitched into a dry smirk. ”I don’t know what it is that makes people think that they’ll be the ones left out of it. Some of them didn’t think there was anything wrong at all! They told me it was just a bad storm. It was their right to stay where they were.”
In hindsight, maybe it was Caius who should have stayed behind. Leaving Celes to deal with people felt like a mistake.
”The dam broke,” she said. She felt tired. She was tired. ”A boy was swept away in the current. I dove after him. I nearly drowned.” She probably could have left that part out. Now Caius would preen over her like she was the one who needed looking after. She didn’t have the energy to mince words. ”Someone saved me. We gave the boy back. The family left after that.”
After they were told by a man. She left that part out.
”After that, I wasn’t much good to anyone. Eventually the storm stopped, and I came home.” Celes gestured towards the room around them. ”So here I am.”
It wasn’t much of a story. She’d been useless then she’d nearly died. No battles. No heroics. Just a lot of water in her lungs.
”That’s it,” she said bluntly. ”I guess I can help with disaster relief once my magic’s back.”
What would it sound like if both parts of a conversation were barely awake?
Use your own eyes, and see for yourself which side I'm on.
”Celes?” Caius could speak in hardly more than a whisper. His eyes were hollow. His voice like gravel. ”Gods, I’ve never been happier to see your beautiful voice.”
”Huh?”
Celes stared at him, briefly stunned, before she shook her head, smiling weakly. ”You’re tired.” That was an understatement. He looked half dead on his feet. Maybe full dead if she didn’t help him along first. ”Come on.” She offered him her arm, hauling him onto her shoulder and edging him towards the living room like a living walking staff. He was heavy. Heavier than her most definitely, but she was well trained in how to carry someone beyond her size. The distance wasn’t far.
He slouched into the couch, letting it take him completely. Celes stood there, awkward while he shrugged off his armor and undershirt. He was soaked down to the bone, shivering even in the humid heat. She guessed it was less hot now, actually, after the storm.
”Are you well?”
”What?” Celes had dozed off again. She felt nearly as tired as he looked though at least she was still standing. She gave a short, hard laugh. ”Don’t worry about me. You were the one off fighting sea monsters with a sword.”
She wished she could have been there. She wished it now more than ever, seeing him like this. Maybe if she’d been standing behind him, he would have come back a little less wary. Something ached in her chest at the thought.
No. That wouldn’t do -- letting feelings get in the way. She made an uncertain noise, searching for words, before she landed on, ”Don’t move, I’ll get…”
She’d get...what?
Celes turned and left before the words fully surfaced. He needed something to dry off with. What was it called? And...something to get warm. That one lurked just below the fog.
A towel and a blanket. God, what was wrong with her?
”Here,” she said once she’d grabbed both of them and returned. She held out the towel for him then held the blanket awkwardly, suddenly realizing that he’d need that second. Maybe she should have grabbed him a dry pair of pants too?
Nope. Nope nope nope. He could do that on his own time.
”So er. Tell me about it.” Celes slowly lowered herself into a chair she didn’t really feel comfortable in. Her legs ached in gratitude. ”Did you kill it? You must have. The storm’s cleared.”
Was that how it worked? There had been two parties, hadn’t there? She’d wanted to go on the second, but they’d both decided that she’d been needed in the city as the more skilled healer. Really, she’d been more needed with Caius. There was that twinge in her chest again.
”And you made it back alive,” she finished. ”Wait. I already said that, didn’t I?”
Use your own eyes, and see for yourself which side I'm on.
Celes’ bed engulfed her like a living thing. She remembered the days when she’d kept it sparse and neat -- not unlike a military cot or the kind of minimalist necessity from the end of the world. It was what she was used to, but that had slowly faded away in the time she’d spent in this place. For the first time, she had the means to shape her life and the time to make it worthwhile. She could choose for herself how she lived. And in this moment, she’d chosen to make her bed as plush as possible.
There were three blankets all piled up and cocooned around each other. She had two pillows at her head, one to wrap her arms around, and another just for the sake of it. She had a stuffed moogle toy somewhere (one that she would let no one see), and all in all, her bed felt more like a nest than a simple guest space that she only used on late nights working for the Dragonblades. It didn’t matter. The room had a lock. She had the key. It was hers, and right now, she wanted nothing more than to sink into it.
Life, however, had different plans.
She heard the door slam open. She heard stumbling footsteps, and she was upright in an instant, heart pounding. Her mind was wild with thoughts of bandits and cutthroats, assassins and mad gods. Her sleepy fog was burned away by adrenaline, and she snatched her sword from the wall, not bothering with a holster or even her boots. They were useless now and caked in mud. Not that she had time to think about that.
She charged out the door and crept carefully down the hallway, stopping to peer around the corner with her back to the wall. The living space was empty but for the crackle of the hearth. She’d clumsily started the fire in her exhausted half-haze, and it seemed she’d done it well enough to keep it strong now. Outside, the rain had stopped. She remembered how the wind had rattled the windows, threatening to shatter them. Only two of them had. She’d shuttered those and hoped for the best.
The room was empty. That was the important part. She had to keep her mind from wandering. She was too tired to focus.
Celes gripped her sword tighter. Not in the living room. That left the entrance hall then. Celes sneaked towards it, her footsteps soft without the click of her boots. She reached the open door. There were no voices beyond it. Just breathing, ragged and shaking. Celes frowned.
Maybe she’d misread the situation.
”Caius?” Celes stepped into the open, sword still at her hand. He was there, pressed against the wall with his eyes tightly shut. He looked like a drowned rat with his hair all clumped together and the fur of his armor soaked straight through. He looked a little like she had before she’d forced herself into a bath. Now she wore a nightdress while her usual jumpsuit waited for the wash. Her hair was still damp. It struck out in all different directions, rumpled from the direct landing into her pillow.
That wasn’t important now. Damn her focus.
”You’re alive,” she said because the filter between her thoughts and mouth had apparently broken. ”Sorry. I meant to say…” Her hand drifted up over one eye. She’d meant to say…
Post by Celes Chere on Nov 25, 2020 9:08:21 GMT -6
[attr="class","oneword1"]
[attr="class","fromyou1"]@jessie
This is how girls bond, right?
Use your own eyes, and see for yourself which side I'm on.
Caius had helped Jessie fight monsters along the coast. Now that sounded like the Caius she knew. The girl seemed fond of him, and now that she knew the story, that didn’t seem so strange either. Caius might have been a fumbling mess with people, but he knew how to handle a sword and just about everything to do with it. He was persuasive in a way that she could never be. He knew how to catch someone’s interest, and he was always looking to take them under his wing. She admired that about him, she supposed.
She might have been more logical, but she couldn’t think of a single other thing that she knew better than he did.
”Well, you’re in the right place,” she said. She tried for a welcoming smile. She wasn’t very good at it. ”I used to be a general so I handle most of the training around here. Not that I know much about guns. We have a range out back for archery and things like that. Caius uses it sometimes.” So it must have been just as good for firearms, right? She didn’t know.
”Now, if you want to learn a sword, that's where I can help you. We’re not busy. The rain made sure of that.” She looked out the window towards the cloudy, misted skies. The rain hadn’t come back yet, and with the tropical weather maybe it never would, but that didn’t mean that she was expecting much business either way. ”I’ll show you around.”
She left out the back, making sure that she was following. Really, this was probably the best she could have expected. She was bored. There wasn’t anyone around. She’d just have wasted her time all day otherwise.
”I’m sure you didn’t read it wrong,” Celes said. ”Caius likes people. It’s just that he’s a little clumsy without a sword in his hand.” She smiled, a little more genuinely this time. If he could wield words the same way that he could wield a blade then the Dragonblades would be full to bursting by now. ”I’ll let him know you came by. I’m sure he’ll appreciate it.”
The training yard was a little muddy, but Celes’ high boots kept her dry, and it looked like Jessie was dressed practically enough. They passed the sword-scarred dummies and the ring for sparring before Jessie brought her to the very back where Caius had set up a target range. It wasn’t much -- just a set of circularly carved boards of painted woods kept at a distance -- but Caius seemed to think it was enough so she hoped the girl wouldn’t be too disappointed.
”This is what he uses,” Celes said. ”I know it’s not much, but…”