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year 5, quarter 3
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It wasn't the first time Terra had been alone. In some ways, it was her default state of being. She had been alone when she had been a prisoner of the Empire. She had been alone after the world fell into ruin and she had nowhere to go. But back then, she had a purpose. With the Empire, she had done as she was told, and later been forced. In the ruined world after Kefka's cataclysm, she had been briefly alone, but the damage to Mobliz had seen her quickly find a purpose. And the children who needed her. So she hadn't been alone for long.
This was the first time in what might have been ever that Terra was alone, and directionless. Another word for it was free, she supposed, but she wasn't sure that she liked it. She missed Mobliz. She missed the smile of her children, and even though they weren't biologically hers, they were her children, and she missed knowing what she had to do. She had been a weapon for so long, somebody to be used or prevented from being used, she had felt that she had spent her entire life being pulled in one direction or the other. Not that she resented the Returners for using her. She owed them for helping her find herself, to find her purpose, and she wouldn't have done anything differently given the chance again.
It was just... well, this was the first time that wasn't happening. She didn't know what to do.
People in the city that she had learned was called Torensten were polite. They didn't stare at her hair, now returned to its natural, magical green hue, nor was there any gossip or shock at her ability to use magic. But at the same time, there wasn't much for her to do. No children who needed care for, no world that needed saving, no magical problem that needed solving. They needed adventurers, but that meant riding out into battle, that meant fighting, and Terra hated fighting. She'd do it, when needed, of course she would, but not by choice. Not as a chosen profession.
But then her talk had led to a discovery. Somebody had spied the sword by her side and suggested she speak to the Dragonblades about work. Terra had been quick to dismiss the idea. After all, anybody who called themselves the 'Dragonblades' were more than likely mercenaries. (She supposed the possibility existed that they were some very poorly named florists, but it seemed unlikely). She had no desire to sign up with mercenaries. Until she had heard the name of the woman leading them.
Celes.
After that, Terra had become very interested. Yes, her and Celes were perhaps never the BEST of friends. They had gotten off to a slightly frosty start when Terra had assumed that Celes, like her, had trouble with her emotions, and then Terra had always struggled to show how much she appreciated everything Celes had done for her, but the two WERE friends. Celes might have been part of the Empire once, but so had Terra. They had a lot in common, a shared past, and Celes, like Terra, had chosen to rebel. And exactly like Terra, said rebellion had gone wrong until Locke had shown up and rescued her. Terra knew better than to mention that similarity to Celes. Celes didn't seem the type to like to be reminded she had been rescued by the thief. Terra didn't see the problem. As far as Terra was concerned, she was getting rescued by people all the time, and frequently told she was the most powerful person on the planet. It was nothing to be ashamed of.
She didn't feel particularly powerful, however, as she approached The Wyvern’s Rest. The rain was coming down heavily, turning the path outside to thick mud, which the heels of her boots cut through like butter. Her silky cape, pulled up over her hair, offered practically no protection from the rain, and she was soaked to the skin by the time she made the door. She pushed it open and hurried inside, dripping wet, having to struggle to extract her boots from the mud, which had built up around the entrance to the tavern. She shivered, pulling down her cape, which she had fashioned into a hood, and letting it hang limply, so damp that it was nearly transparent, behind her soaking clothes, the sash around her waist so wet that it was nearly hanging off, barely held together by her jewelled belt. She shivered. Her green hair hung in strings, ragged and rough, down her face. The light mascara that she wore, something that she thought usually looked dainty and cute, was currently making its way down her face in long black streaks.
But suddenly, it was worth it, because she saw a blonde figure at the bar. Taking a muddy step forward, looking very much like a green haired drowned rat, Terra reached out gently. "Celes...?" she said hopefully.
Why would Terra possibly want to go back? It's not like she was parenting children or anything.
Use your own eyes, and see for yourself which side I'm on.
It was a slow day. It always was whenever the rainstorms rolled in. It had been over a week since they’d last had one of these flash showers, there in an instant then gone just as quickly. If Celes had known about it, she might not have bothered leaving her bed. Hardly anyone ever came in on a day like this. She wondered why.
The outdoor training yard was off limits on a day like this so Celes sat at the counter instead, sipping every now and then at a glass she’d poured from a bottle she’d found in the back room. She didn’t know exactly what it was, but it was heavy and spiced and not exactly to her taste. She waited just long enough between tastes to forget how much she’d regretted the last one. Then she remembered, and the cycle started all over again.
Celes sat with her legs dangling off a stool. Outside the shuttered windows, she heard the rain slam down in oppressive curtains. She was bored.
She didn’t hear the footsteps approaching the door. The sound of clicking heels was entirely lost to the storm until there was a woman standing there in the doorway, framed by dismal, clouded light. Celes jumped on instinct -- she didn’t like being snuck up on -- and felt all manner of things at once. There was relief at being interrupted, disappointment that she had to actually do something today, and then a kind of embarrassment at being caught drinking in the early afternoon. Celes moved to stash the bottle away, but then stopped.
That red dress. That green hair. Celes knew her.
”Terra?” For a long time, Celes could only stare. The girl was drenched in rainwater, her hair limp and her heels coated in mud. Her dress hung in heavy curtains around her knees, and a basin of water had collected between her shoulders and her cloak’s hood. Still, she was exactly as Celes remembered her, and as Celes met her unearthly blue eyes, she felt the space lengthen between them.
Terra, the half-esper rebel. Terra, the empire’s weapon. Terra-
”It’s you, isn’t it?” What a stupid question. Of course, it was. Celes had eyes, after all. ”I can’t believe it! Do you know how long it’s been? I-” Celes was off the stool in an instant, clearing the distance to the door in seconds. And as Celes looked her over, she couldn’t help but smile.
A real smile. A warm smile. It wasn’t like her.
”I’m so glad to see you,” she said. ”And to see you here. Isn’t it wonderful?” That might have been insensitive to anyone else, but to Terra of all people, she must have understood. That terrible, ruined world had been nothing but cruel to Terra. From the moment of her birth to the day that magic left, Terra had never known love. But maybe here...
”You’re the second one I’ve found. Sabin should be around here somewhere. Or maybe he’s left again? You know how he is. Here one moment then the next he’s made it halfway across the country to go punch trees and wrestle bears!” She hoped he was nearby. It would be nice seeing them both together. Though she knew Sabin didn’t share her ideas about their new world and just how lucky they were to have found it.
Celes stared at Terra for so long that the young half-Esper girl had to take a quick glance over her shoulder to make sure there was nothing lurking behind her that Celes was staring at. When she realised that Celes was looking at her with astonishment, Terra wondered if this was how she had looked when Celes and Sabin had first walked back into her life in Mobliz, shocked and barely able to believe that they were there. But Celes was happy, whereas Terra had been-
Well, Terra still wasn't sure what she had been. She had been thrilled that her friends were alive, of course she had been, but she had had so many complex emotions that she still struggled to put them into words. Sadness for the people missing, confusion over what to do now, puzzlement over why she felt she couldn't leave. There was none of that here. Being reunited was so much simpler. It was cleaner. The appropriate emotion was obvious, and it bubbled up, without Terra even having to think about it.
She smiled back at Celes, a shier, softer smile, and one that caused her to glance away, but she was obviously pleased to see her friend. Emotions came more naturally to her these days. She didn't feel the need to over-analyse every feeling, but it still felt good to feel something so simple, so pure, and so easy, devoid of complication. "It's me," Terra smiled, a pure and honest, if innocent smile. "I know it's been a few months. I'm sorry, it's just, the children have been growing up so fast, and Katarin and Duane's baby still needs a lot of attention. They're doing their best, but... well, it seems young couples spend a lot of time together and they've been asking me to look after the baby while they do," Terra explained. She was unsure if this revelation about young couples was unique to Katarin and Duane or not. She still had a lot to learn about love. She didn't go on to add that she hadn't been confident about travelling alone. Not without her magic. The world was much safer with Kefka gone, but journeying between towns without her friends and no spells still didn't seem safe.
Celes called it wonderful, and Terra knew that she meant the world they were in. Terra paused, and looked back out of the door at the rain soaked street, and then back down at her sodden clothing. And then back up at Celes. "Uh, I'm sure it's... lovely here... when it's dry..." she ventured. Evidently so far she was unimpressed. "Although, I don't... understand where here is. This is another world, isn't it? Like the Esper World? Except, I didn't pass through a gate. I don't... think? I can't remember. And this definitely isn't the Esper World. I'd sense it if it was," she went on, frowning a little as she tried to understand.
"Sabin?" Terra asked, and she smiled, letting out a dainty laugh as Celes explained what he was like. "He hasn't changed then," Terra added. Fighting bears sounded like Sabin. He was built like one, after all. Maybe that was why Celes had brought him up, actually? "Thinking about Sabin fighting, with all his muscles bulging, it usually makes me feel very warm inside, sometimes, really hot, but I don't think it's going to help me dry out," she said, assuming that Celes was being helpful. She followed Celes over towards where she had suggested she sit.
She moved over, sitting down. She could have conjured a flame to dry herself off, but Terra wasn't sure how she felt about her powers being back yet. In the past, her magic had done nothing but bring trouble. She wasn't sure that it being back again was such a good thing, even if she was more at peace with what she was than she had ever been. Instead, she just removed her sodden cloak. "Um, can I hang this up somewhere, please?" she asked hopefully. "Can you tell me what's going on? I don't... think I understand. This is a whole new world. What happened to our old one? Where is everybody?"
Celes should have expected it. She had expected it, really, but that didn’t make it easier to hear. For Celes, it had been a lifetime since they’d last spoken, but to Terra? Only a few months. She was worried about those children she’d left behind. She supposed that was fair though really she thought that Terra needed to get out and live for herself for once. Staying here would be good for her. Whether she saw that immediately was…
Well, it was maybe a little doubtful.
Terra certainly hadn’t had a good time so far. The rain appeared to have dampened her spirits as much as the rest of her, but then, she didn’t know this place well yet, did she? Terra was reminded of the Esper World, and it honestly surprised Celes that she hadn’t thought of that herself. Terra had a connection to that place. Celes, well, didn’t.
She considered herself far too grounded to speculate on the wild realms of magic. Ironic, really, given her magicite-granted power.
”You must have questions,” Celes said then shook her head. ”Why don’t we get you dry first? There’s no rush.” She led her to a chair by the fireplace, smirking at Terra’s thought on Sabin. For all her talk of love, Terra had never really shown an interest in men. At least not that Celes had seen.
”I suppose he is well-defined,” she said. ”Though all of those muscles aren’t really to my taste.” No. If she was going to melt into mush over some man, she’d prefer him to have a sense of style. And a thin stature. A pretty face helped and maybe some jewelry and scarves…
Celes took Terra’s cloak, careful to hold it away from her as it dripped steadily onto the floor. Terra was dripping too, absolutely sodden with rainwater. Celes wondered why she’d bothered traveling through the storm -- couldn’t she have waited it out somewhere dry? -- but she couldn’t exactly complain. With the day to herself, there wasn’t a better time Terra could have chosen to intrude.
Celes listened to the usual confusion as she hung the cloak on a hanger then returned, stopping a little while away to consider her. She was hopeful. She was expecting some kind of concrete answers. Celes sighed.
”It’s not...that simple.” Celes glanced at the fireplace then brought a hand up to her lips, one finger pointed in concentration. There was a shiver of magic and then the hearth was lit, crackling with a soft and persuasive warmth. Fire magic was far more Terra’s element than Celes’. Celes’ blood ran cold with a natural propensity for blizzard, but she knew the basics of the rest. Magicite had helped with that.
”I don’t know what happened,” Celes said as she lowered herself into a chair. ”I was there one moment and then gone. My memory was foggy at first. I didn’t even remember…” She smirked dryly. ”Well I still don’t remember fighting Kefka, but I’ve been told we won. That was a surprise.”
Which it shouldn’t have been. Celes had been the one to lead the charge after all, but some part of her had always considered it something of a suicide mission. It was a part of her she hadn’t acknowledged at the time, but that was the thing about expectations. Sometimes you didn’t know you had them until they were broken.
”This world, it’s never even heard of Kefka. There aren’t any wars -- not major ones, anyway -- and everything’s still alive.” Her words were choked with passion, and she looked away, shaking her head. ”I don’t know how it happened,” she said. ”I don’t know what this is, but I don’t care. This is a second chance. No one knows me or the empire or any of it.
”I’ve built a life here. I think I might be happy.” Or close to it. Closer than she’d ever been before. ”I wouldn’t go back if I could.”
Terra approached the fire, watching as the flames danced. She didn't feel cold, but Terra rarely felt the cold or the heat. But she was wet, and being wet wasn't a fun experience. Terra didn't consider herself vain, but she also didn't like having her appearance ruined. She didn't enjoy getting dirty and she didn't enjoy being wet. She hoped that she could dry out, and perhaps do something to save her hair, which she could feel was stuck to her face. She looked back over at Celes. "Thank you," she said with her politest smile as she sat down. She held her hands out to the fire, not because she was cold, but because she had seen other people do exactly that when sat by the fire. She could feel the heat on her palms, and it reminded her of how magic felt when it danced across her hands. Only different, somehow more primitive, and with no sense of her control over it.
She made a bit of a face when Celes mentioned how 'all those muscles' weren't to 'her taste'. Terra wasn't too sure what Celes meant by that, but she had a feeling that it was a sex thing. Terra remained curious about love. She knew that she could feel it now, because she had felt it for the children in her care, but she still longed to feel the romantic kind of love, the special kind of love that she had seen Katarin and Duane share (or Locke and Celes, although the two seemed oblivious to that). But she didn't understand what she always termed the sex thing. Oh, she knew what it was. Roughly. She understood the rough biological functions, moreso for the woman than the man, of course. For the man, all she knew was it involved that area that if you kicked it in a fight they claimed it was cheating and they did something with it. The point was, she understood that people did it together and that sometimes it made a baby, but not all the time. Her parents must have done it. She knew that. She knew that other people did it and humans thought about it a lot. She just wasn't sure she saw the appeal.
And she certainly didn't know what it had to do with taste. Or how thinking about Sabin's muscles made her feel. "Do you mean taste as in... taste in boys?" she asked, unpicking the phrase almost out loud as she thought about it. "I didn't mean like that. I don't really- I mean, um-" she paused, trying to think about it. The truth was, she didn't know WHAT 'like that' would feel like, so she was at a bit of a loss. She stared at the fire, blinking, as she tried to think about what she was trying to say. "Is... when you think about boys... and you feel all hot... is that.... love?" she asked after a moment, trying to figure out her phrasing. If that was the case, well, it was very simple, but it wasn't anything like she thought love was. She thought love was caring and being cared for, not, weird warm feelings that made you embarrassed but you didn't know why. "Is that why sometimes your face turned red when you were with Locke? Because you were hot... Because of love?" she asked. Terra was increasingly getting the impression, even before being reunited with Celes, that she wasn't supposed to ask these kind of questions, but it was the only way she'd learn.
She lit up a little more when Celes started speaking about their victory against Kefka, because there were grounds Terra knew about. She had been there for it. She had experienced it, it was fact, and she knew what had happened. "We defeated him, but it was difficult. He had absorbed the power of the Warring Triad. He was so powerful. But... we were stronger." Terra paused. "No. I think he was still stronger, but... we fought harder. We all had found what to fight for, and Kefka... he fought only for power, for greed, for destruction. And that meant, when it came to a battle, we had a stronger purpose. We couldn't lose, because losing wasn't an option. So we won," she smiled at that. She wondered how Celes couldn't remember that.
Celes spoke of this new world with passion, and Terra had to admit, it was hard to argue with her enthusiasm. She did make it sound like a paradise. The world left behind was still a ruin, with much rebuilding to do, the shadow of the Empire lurking over it, and a grim history, for both Celes and Terra, of the awful things they had done. But... "This world does seem better. Happier. Safer. But... I've learned what love is. I mean, a type of love. And it's love for those in my care. And love for my friends. I don't know if I could ever be happy here, without them. Leaving them behind," Terra was surprised by how Celes was speaking. A moment passed though as she processed the information. "Wait a minute, you're talking like... you've been here a while," she looked into her old friend's eyes.
Celes was a beautiful woman. Terra felt that was objective. Much like how Sabin was perfectly sculpted, Celes was an amazing beauty. Perfect blonde hair, symmetrical features, a body that Terra felt like she should probably be jealous of, toned muscles, and sparkling eyes that you could get lost in. Even if she hadn't been naturally glamorous, and she was, she was a beauty. But Terra could see something was different. Her hair was slightly longer. Her eyes, slightly older. Terra had always had a slightly supernatural connection to living things, and she could sense the truth.
"...How long has it been for you?" Terra asked after a moment. "You're... older, aren't you? It's been... more than a few months." She could just feel it. "Have you been alone, all this time? Except for Sabin?" she asked, worry in her voice. She didn't know much about love or friendship but she understood it enough to know that she didn't like being alone, and she didn't like to think of Celes being alone either.
[attr=class,bulk] Terra was naive. For as long as Celes had known her, she’d been almost child-like with her approach to the world. She thought that was strange (they’d both grown up in similar circumstances, hadn’t they?) but given enough time, she’d simply thought of it as Terra. Whereas Celes had a hardened heart and hands dripping with blood, Terra was almost entirely innocent. Celes knew that about her. Celes accepted that about her.
Still, sometimes it came as something of a shock.
’Do you mean taste as in...taste in boys?’
For a moment, Celes could only stare at her. Then she laughed. Did Terra really not know? How on earth was this all new to her when they’d spent months crammed together in an airship with Edgar of all people. ”Well,” she started, ”I don’t know about…”
”Is that why sometimes your face turned red when you were with Locke? Because you were hot. Because of love?”
Celes nearly choked.
”Oh! Um...what?”
Had she really blushed that often? Had she really acted like that around Locke? Had it really been...love?
”We can, um. We can talk about that later.”
Probably best to save that for a different time. A time that she did not want to think about it. Could she keep putting it off forever?
Celes sat across from Terra on the other side of the fireplace. The flames crackled slowly, casting the room in a flickering orange light. She didn’t particularly like the smell. Not when paired with talk of Kefka.
”I know it’s silly,” she said. ”But I don’t remember. Not really.” She paused, looking down at her hands. It wasn’t silly. It was ridiculous. Completely absurd and more than a little sad. Celes had worked so hard to rally them all together. Confident or not, she’d led the charge into his twisted tower so why was it her that couldn’t remember any of it? ”Kefka. I never knew what he was fighting for.”
Not that he’d ever actually fought much before. His magic was weak, and he was a coward at heart. He acted only in his own stupid self-interest. He was a sadist.
Why had it had to have been him accompanying the emperor to the Floating Island that day? If it had to be someone, why him?
”Losing wasn’t an option.” Celes brushed a few strands of loose hair behind her ear. ”I guess so.”
That wasn’t how fights worked, but she wanted to believe it was true. It felt better to think it was true.
”I know you care about them, Terra. I know they’re important to you, but…” What could she say next that wouldn’t sound callous? That Terra needed to live for herself? That she deserved to live that way? Celes had convinced herself that the friends she’d made were close to her, but really, she’d just needed a reason to keep on living. A drowning woman would grasp desperately onto anything to keep her head above water.
She knew that both figuratively and literally.
Celes sighed. ”It’s been almost three years, actually.” Of everything she’d faced here, the time difference was easily the hardest. She’d never get used to it. ”I was alone until Sabin, and that was...six months ago? About?”
Celes scratched idly at the back of her hand. It sounded sad when she said it like that. Was it sad? She had the distinct feeling that Terra would think so. ”But I’ve made new friends! And I’ve found the Dragonblades, so…”
This wasn’t going well, was it?
”Honestly, I’m just happy to be somewhere else. Anywhere, really. I was out of sorts for a while, but…” She waved her hand in a gesture that could have meant anything. ”Here I am. And I don’t think we’re going anywhere anytime soon so I guess...” She struggled for words. ”Why not?”
Terra looked a bit sheepish when Celes laughed at her, and then she laughed too, with a light giggle. She didn't really know why they were laughing, but she had found when people laughed at something she had asked if she laughed too it made things less awkward and she felt less embarrassed. And, well, it made the entire situation less awkward. People tended to get awkward when she asked what she thought were obvious questions she had noticed as well.
Speaking of which, Celes certainly looked awkward when she asked about Locke. She looked down, hiding a flicker of sadness. This always happened. Whenever she was getting close to finally understanding what love was, people would change the subject because she'd ask something they didn't want to answer or say something that they didn't want to discuss. "Oh. Okay," she said, trying her best not to sound disappointed but not being able to keep it entirely out of her voice.
"What do you remember?" Terra asked. It seemed strange that Celes had no memory of fighting Kefka. But what did that mean? What did she know? For a moment, it struck Terra as quite funny. Celes had amnesia. Given that Terra's own lack of memory had defined so much of her early experience with the others, she couldn't help but find it slightly ironic that now Celes did. "Battling Kefka was not a pleasant memory. His power was... unbelievable. Sometimes, I still wake up, and I think that I can see his face. Not his human form, but the form he had at the end. Like some kind of... terrible, wrathful angel, staring down at us..." Terra explained with a slight shiver, remembering Kefka's monstrous final form.
Terra looked over at Celes. She didn't understand Kefka either? Terra never had, but Terra didn't understand so much about every day life that she had just assumed it made sense to everybody else. But obviously it didn't. It seemed Kefka was, well, he was just... bad. He was a bad person who did bad things. And nobody really knew why. Terra couldn't understand why Kefka would want to disrupt the Warring Triad, let alone why he then tried to destroy everything at the end. "Usually, when I don't understand something a person has done, I'd ask you to explain it to me. I guess Kefka will always be a mystery to us," she said, with a slight smile to show that she was joking a little. Although there was a sadness there too, because they really didn't know what drove a man to such evil...
Terra was aware that Celes had been about to say something about the life she had left behind, but she trailed off. Maybe she didn't know a way home. That was a scary thought, and Terra could understand why Celes didn't want her to dwell on it. Instead, she moved on to say how long she had been there, and Terra gasped, startled. "Three years? ... Alone?" That was technically longer than they had been together. Celes must have been so lonely. She had been alone in the Empire, alone after the world went to ruin, and alone now. Terra stood up, and moved over to where Celes was sat, and gave her a hug. She had learned a lot about hugs looking after the children, and she knew that they always helped. In fact, Terra had grown to like giving them as much as receiving them. It made her feel happy, and safe, and warm. And she thought Celes needed a hug now. After a moment, she released her, and gave her her best smile. Smiles also helped, she found.
But it seemed that Celes was happy here. That did, in a way, make sense to Terra. Celes had lost a lot too, and there wasn't much for her to live for back home. Unlike Terra, who had found her children, but it still seemed sad to Terra. They had fought for so long to save their world and now they had just abandoned it. "I'm glad you're happy here," Terra said gently. "I think I would be too, if I didn't have the children to look after. Our world... was not a nice one. Even before Kefka, there was so much suffering, so much hurt. Here though... It feels like there is... peace. Of a kind." she remarked, as if curiously trying to sense the mood of the place. "Our world was held together by the Warring Triad. Literally, three beings at war. I suppose it's no surprise that it was a world of fights. I hope now that it can grow into something new. Even if we are not there to see it."
[attr=class,bulk] Terra gasped, staring at her. Three years. Alone. Celes hadn’t really thought about it that way, not until now. She’d thought about it as life. Just her life, moving forward like it always did. There’d been an inexplicable change in scenery, that was all. Celes had been alone, she supposed, but no more than she always had. Until the Returners, she hadn’t had many friends, and she couldn’t say as to how close she’d been even to them. She was far closer to Caius now. She supposed that growing roots would do that to a woman.
Still. She didn’t like the way that Terra recoiled in horror.
”There’s more peace,” Celes corrected her. Whatever Terra thought of the situation, she seemed to understand in her own sad, uncertain way. She was glad that Celes was happy at least. Celes always expected some kind of pushback when she confessed her true feelings about her home -- specifically that it was here rather than there. She supposed that only someone from their ruined world could understand.
Terra could understand, but that didn’t mean she agreed.
”Of course I want the best for it. I hope everyone rebuilds and can be happy again. The empire’s fallen so I don’t suppose there will be any wars. There aren’t any soldiers left.” None that mattered anyway. No generals or armies or power which only bred destruction. ”But if Kefka’s truly gone then they shouldn’t have any problems. I’m only good in a fight. If there’s no fighting then. Well. I don’t suppose I’d be good for much of anything.”
Celes smirked bitterly. That was just it, wasn’t it? ”There’s nothing left for me to do,” she said. ”There’s no one to go back to and no way to help. You have your children, but I’m not like that. Edgar has Figaro. Sabin’s always been happy on his own. Strago has Relm, and I don’t think Shadow needs much of anything. I can do more good here, I think.”
Celes could imagine it. She wouldn’t be alone, exactly, in that ruined world that was slowly turning to something slightly less ruined. She could always find one of the others to talk to, but she wasn’t part of their lives -- not really. Without a common goal, there was nothing to tie them together. She could always follow Locke, but…
Was that what she wanted for her life? Mindlessly following some man because she had nothing better to do?
”You’ve always lived for someone else, Terra.” Celes leaned forward to look at her. ”For the empire or the resistance or for your children. You deserve a chance to live for yourself for once. You deserve a chance to be free.”
Celes sighed. ”It’s hard. Being lost. But I think this could be good for you. If you give it a chance.”
[attr=class,ooc-notes]
[attr=class,tagline]@terrabranford
Celes is not great at empathizing people's problems lol
Terra wasn't sure why she felt so sad as Celes spoke about the new world. Maybe it was because she could tell Celes was truly happy there, and she knew that meant she'd never come back to their home. Maybe there was a slight sense of foreboding too, in that perhaps Terra couldn't get home, even if she wanted to. But mainly, she felt sad and yet happy, because she knew that Celes was happy. It was strange. Sometimes, Terra wondered if she had been better off when she thought she couldn't feel. Emotions were complicated. This more than ever.
"Celes..." Terra said gently. "What we went through... me and you... and all of the Returners... Nobody would blame you for not wanting to return home. To start fresh, here. To be free. It's... tempting to me too, I admit. You don't need to make excuses to me if this is where your heart belongs. I just... will miss you," Terra explained sadly, but with a surprising emotional maturity given her usual naivete. She had clearly grown a little in her time as a mother.
"Although," Terra let out a childish giggle. "You're better at a lot more than fighting, Maria." she smiled playfully as she called Celes by her stage name. "The Opera House is always looking for more singers," she teased. Terra had heard about Celes's performance because, well, of course she had. And she knew that Celes was sheepish about it, even though it was, by all accounts, amazing. It wasn't uncommon for those long nights in tents camped around the world or sleeping on the airship to be spent speculating what they would do once the world was saved, and nearly everybody agreed Celes should be a singer. Of course. It just seemed natural.
She also knew how much Celes hated the idea. But Terra suspected it wasn't quite true. Like when one of her children would claim they didn't like another THAT much, when they clearly did. She was sure she had heard Edgar say something like 'the lady doth protest too much', and she couldn't help but think that was true of Celes and her singing.
Her expression changed a little when Celes mentioned their lost friends. In particular, Shadow. Sadness flickered across her features, and she looked away. Celes didn't know? Sabin hadn't told her? She stared into the flames, obvious grief overcoming her. "Shadow is... gone." she said quietly. "He... didn't... come with us. After we defeated Kefka. He chose to... stay behind. I'm not sure... I understand why. But... I hope he found his peace in the end," she said sadly, eyes staring into the warming fire, the flames crackling across her green irises, tinting them almost purple.
"...free?" the idea broke Terra from her grief, and she looked to Celes with confusion. She hadn't thought about that. "I... I don't know. I mean, I've always... had a purpose. Whether I was told to do something or chose to do something. With the children... I found... a new one. I don't... I don't know what to do without that. What... do you do? When you're.... free?" she asked, somehow frightened by the idea. She suddenly didn't have a path before her. She had no idea what to do, and that idea was terrifying.
Celes found that she couldn’t look at Terra as she empathized. Terra understood. She said that Celes didn’t need to explain. It was funny. Celes was always so pointed in her opinions that she hadn’t realized just how defensive she really felt of them. She didn’t have to explain. Not this time. Terra understood.
Why did that make her feel...sad?
”Terra, I…” she started, but she didn’t have much time to dwell on those feelings before she clammed up, cheeks going red, as a small, undignified noise escaped her. ”You weren’t even there!” she cried. ”That opera house. It certainly wasn’t my idea! I was just the only one who could fit in a dress!” She huffed to herself, arms crossed. It wasn’t that she didn’t like singing, necessarily. Apparently she’d been fine enough that they’d let her on stage, but she’d always sang to herself. Far, far away from where anyone else might hear her. ”The spotlight is not for me.”
The people, the lights, the pressure. She’d forgotten her lines the first two opening nights!
”Anyway,” she said. ”I don’t think the world’s in need of many opera singers anymore. It wouldn’t really be doing much good, would it?”
And that was that.
Terra’s expression darkened when Celes mentioned the others. It gave her an uneasy feeling -- like she knew what would come next and would rather not ask. Terra took a long time to herself, thinking, before she finally said, ”Shadow’s...gone.”
”Oh.”
Celes listened, and all she could say was ’Oh.’ She’d never particularly liked Shadow, and she doubted Shadow had ever particularly liked anyone else. He was ruthless and cold and distant, and she’d thought he only cared about money, but he’d stood up to fight where it mattered so she respected him no matter where his heart might’ve lied. To hear that he’d just give up…
”Well,” she said slowly. ”I suppose it was his choice. If he’d rather have…”
She thought of her fall and of cold ocean waves. Her words curdled and died.
She hummed to Terra, trying her best to shake off whatever feeling had come over her. She tried to smile. It didn’t work quite right. ”Well. It wasn’t easy,” she said. ”I was raised in the military then I was a general, a Returner, and it wasn’t long before we were rallying against Kefka. Not for me, anyway.”
For her it hadn’t been a year at all. She’d woken up. She’d found a raft. She’d drifted back to the mainland. She’d wasted no time in what came next.
”When I first got here, I thought I’d gone crazy. I’d thought that maybe all of that magic had decided all at once to kick in and scramble my brain.” She smiled sheepishly. ”It was terrible back then. I was alone and broken and even when someone did come along who wanted know me, I pushed them away. I wasn’t ready for that.
”But then Caius came along,” she said. ”I saw him surrounded by bandits so I ran in to help. A few blizzards did the trick, but I got hurt, and he had to drag me out, and he offered me a potion, and I hated him at first, but we agreed to work together again if a mission called for it. He has a way of going on and on about whatever’s on his mind, and I’ve never met someone so naive! I thought he was trying to flirt with me at first. I couldn’t believe he really didn’t know any better!”
She shook her head. ”But we fought together anyway because we both needed the money, and eventually we decided to do this.” She gestured towards the room. ”The Dragonblades. It’s something we made together. It’s ours. I know it doesn’t sound too off from working for the empire or the Returners, but it’s different when it’s yours. I could walk right out of town if I wanted to, and nothing would stop me!”
Except for Caius. It would hurt him more than anyone, but it wasn’t like he relied on her for his life. He wasn’t a child, and their work wasn’t anything that would leave the world in ruin if she turned her back on it. For the first time, she had a real choice in the matter, and it was nice, she supposed.
It was nice.
”So. What you need to do is find yourself, I suppose.” She tapped at her leg with one finger. Giving advice was so much harder than speaking to her own experiences. ”Even if you decide to go back, there’s nothing saying when that will be, and there’s nothing much to do for it. So why not? It’s a chance to do something you’ve never done before.”
She looked at Terra. ”What would you do? If nothing was stopping you?”
[attr=class,ooc-notes]
[attr=class,tagline]@terrabranford
Celes, giving advice like she's not a total trainwreck
