Welcome to Adventu, your final fantasy rp haven. adventu focuses on both canon and original characters from different worlds and timelines that have all been pulled to the world of zephon: a familiar final fantasy-styled land where all adventurers will fight, explore, and make new personal connections.
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year 5, quarter 3
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Terra didn't pretend to always laughing at someone when they were uncomfortable. A lot of the time it seemed cruel or mean, but she couldn't resist a giggle at Celes's sudden protest about her singing. It was adorable and funny all at the same time. Maybe it was because she had only heard the others singing her praises (no pun intended) about her voice work. Or maybe it was just because it was so hard to imagine Celes had this hidden talent. Or maybe it was because it wasn't actually that hard, because Celes was beautiful, and glamorous, and could teach Terra all sorts of things about accessorising, but pretended she wasn't as if nobody else would notice.
She laughed lightly, placing a hand in front of her mouth as her eyes closed and she giggled. "No, but I heard about it. Edgar was sure to tell everyone," she laughed. "I heard you looked amazing! And sounded even better! You should be proud! I'd love to be able to sing," Terra remarked, smiling still, trying to encourage her friend. She didn't know why she had been so embarrassed. It sounded great. Terra just wished she had a chance to see it. "So... does this mean you won't sing for me? It's not fair that I missed it," she said playfully, a teasing smile still on her face.
"People could always use a song," Terra said when Celes tried to claim that the world didn't need opera singers. Not out of any desire to make her friend uncomfortable, but Terra believed it. Wars and fighting and hurting people only ever ended one way. But singing? Singing could only make you feel things. And feeling things was a rare gift. One that Terra didn't intend to squander.
The moment regarding Shadow was awkward. Celes seemed to accept it easily enough. It wasn't like anybody had ever really understood Shadow, but Terra had thought she would be sadder. Instead, she went onto the next topic. How she had moved on. How she had found a purpose.
She admitted it wasn't easy, and that was both nice but upsetting for Terra to hear. On one hand, it meant Terra wasn't unusual in her concerns. But on the other, well, it meant that she had a long and difficult road ahead of herself. It seemed that it wasn't easy for anybody. And given how well Celes appeared to keep her life together (at least through the eyes of Terra), it meant that Terra felt like she had something of an inescapable challenge.
She listened attentively to Celes's story. So she at first had been lost too, until she had met somebody. A man named Caius. A naïve man, or so she said. Terra smiled a little at that. "You call everybody naïve," she replied. This wasn't true of course. She called Terra naïve. And now Caius. Which was two people. But Terra was only partially teasing and partially making herself feel better. Besides, it wasn't her fault she was naïve! Sex and humans were weird and nobody ever explained it to her...
"I'm so happy for you, Celes," she smiled. "You found something that makes you happy. You have a home," Terra paused, looking confused. "I don't know what would make me happy. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I don't want to fight... Dragonblades... That isn't me. But... I don't know. I had a purpose with the children but..."
She trailed off. She paused, considering what Celes had said. What would she do if nothing was stopping her? Nobody had asked her that before. She thought for a moment, and then, suddenly, she decided.
"I'd have a boyfriend!" she decided excitedly. "I-I mean, or a girlfriend. I think I like boys more but... I'm not sure I know why. Maybe a nice girl would change my mind. But... I want to know what it's like to be in love with somebody. I want to know why people cuddle or what's so appealing about kisses because it just seems kind of gross to me? Especially when people like, kiss lots, and it's like, they're trying to eat each other? I mean, what are they doing? I don't understand..." she asked, her face looking confused. "I know what it's like to love friends and to love the children you look after but I still don't know what it's like to love a person with, you know, romance. I'd like to try that," she finished, determined.
[attr=class,bulk] Celes told Terra all about her very stable, very fulfilling life, and Terra believed her. Celes hadn’t wanted Terra not to believe her, but there was something about the way that Terra was looking at her that made her feel strange. It felt like being caught in a lie. ’And this is how you find yourself outside of the empire or a war.’
’I absolutely know what I’m talking about.’
As Terra struggled with the idea of what to do with herself, Celes fought the urge to squirm. Part of her wanted to reach out and assure her that she had time to think. Part of her wanted to let her in on the secret that Celes herself was eternally on the brink of disaster. Terra had said that Celes had found something that made her happy. That wasn’t wrong. Celes had said it herself, hadn’t she? But did the Dragonblades make her happy?
Could anything?
Terra thought for a long time while Celes tried not to look as uncomfortable as she felt. Finally, Terra snapped up, eyes bright and determined. ”I’d have a boyfriend!” she declared. Celes blinked at her.
”A...A boyfriend?”
”I want to know what it’s like to be in love with somebody. I want to know why people cuddle or what’s so appealing about kisses because it just seems kind of gross to me? Especially when people, like, kiss lots, and it’s like they’re trying to eat each other? I mean, what are they doing? I don’t understand…”
Oh.
Oh no.
Celes felt suddenly like she was back on stage, suffocating under the heat of a spotlight. She knew she should say something, but her head had gone totally and mysteriously blank, and all she could let out was a frightened squeak.
”Ah…”
Did Terra...Did Terra really want her to explain?
”That’s very nice, Terra.” Celes smiled at her uncertainly. ”I mean, it’s not uncommon to want to find love. And you’ve always been interested in that sort of thing.”
Since the first day they spoke to each other as Returners, actually. Celes had tried to strike up a conversation about their magic, and Terra had asked her if she knew how to love someone. It had been an awkward reintroduction to say the least.
”Personally, I think that any kind of love is worth having. A friend will always be there for you no matter what happens. Whereas some boy might…” She struggled to find the right words. ”Well, some of them are only after one thing. And then you get so attached to them that once they’re gone, you’re useless.”
Celes felt heat rise to her cheeks. ”Not that I’ve ever felt like that,” she said too quickly for her own good. ”I mean, I’ve never…”
That was a lie and they both knew it. Terra had already called her out over Locke. That stupid rogue-ish treasure hunter with his stupid, beautiful hair, always saving the lives of perfectly capable young women who didn’t have time for something as silly as love.
It wasn’t that he’d had the time for her either, really. Between the rebellion, the apocalypse, and Rachel.
”Just be careful. That’s all that I’m saying.” Celes wanted to fall straight through the floor never to see the light of day again. ”Love might be nice, but it can also hurt, and that’s not to mention all of the terrible men who might try to take advantage of you. You’re pretty and you’re sweet and just make sure that if anyone tries to hurt you, no matter how nice they seemed, that you set them on fire. Alright?”
That would do it. No matter how vulnerable either of them might seem, there was always magic on their sides.
”Not...Not to discourage you or anything.”
[attr=class,ooc-notes]
[attr=class,tagline]@terrabranford
Sure, Celes. Just channel my feelings today. Why not?
Had Terra always been interested in love, as Celes asked? Terra supposed it was the question that had always loomed over her. It had always defined her. Could she fall in love? What even was it? She had thought that she had learned. And in many ways, she had. She had learned to love a family. She had learned to love her friends. But the romantic love? The kind that Edgar was always chasing and she thought she saw in Celes and Locke's eyes so many times and that Katarin and Duane had at all times. She still wasn't sure she could feel that kind of love. But she wanted to experience it.
So yes, she supposed Celes was right. She had always been interested in that kind of thing.
She began to speak about how any kind of love was worth having, and Terra nodded. "I know that. I don't want to ... replace... the love I have for my friends. For the kids I look after. I'd just, if I could do anything, I guess I'd like to experience it, just once. Romantic love. It seems different. You know?" she asked. She wondered why Celes seemed so against the idea. She had always been prickly when Terra brought the subject up. But she thought Celes loved harder and stronger than anybody she knew really, underneath all of the stoic attitude and swords and armour.
"Boys are after one thing?" she repeated. This information sounded helpful. "That sounds SO much easier than dealing with most people. After a year of raising children, one thing sounds easy. What's the one thing? I never knew romance was so simple!" she said eagerly, of course completely oblivious.
She talked about love hurting too, and Terra looked away, her eyes moving back to the fire as she thought. "Maybe that would be nice though. To feel that hurt. I mean... I spent so long feeling nothing... So long... being scared that I couldn't love... I'd even feel that pain. Just to... know that I could," she admitted awkwardly, staring at the dancing flames.
She warned about men taking advantage of her, and again, she didn't really know what it meant in this context, but she looked back at Celes with certainty in her eyes. "Men have taken advantage of me all of my life. I won't let anybody do it again, I promise," she said, even if it was obvious she was more thinking in the 'slave crown soldier' sense rather than, well, the manner Celes meant.
Finally, she finished with her comment about setting things on fire. Terra paused, frowning. She wasn't very good at understanding emotions, she knew. It wasn't her area of expertise. She still had so much to learn in that area that she didn't entirely understand it in other people, but she was beginning to feel that maybe Celes was speaking from another place than just friendly advice.
Had she wanted to set Locke on fire?
"Celes. Did... somebody... hurt... you?" she asked delicately, her voice full of concern. She didn't understand that pain, but she knew it must be bad if it was enough to fell even Celes and make her suffer. She wanted to help her friend, even if she had no idea how.
[attr=class,bulk] It occurred to Celes, listening to Terra’s defenses, that she might have gone too far.
It wasn’t that she’d said anything untrue, exactly. It wasn’t even that she regretted telling Terra exactly what she might be in for, but there was a certain vulnerability to Celes’ warnings that reflected more on herself than Terra. Celes wasn’t like that. She wasn’t some silly, love-struck girl in need of some man to validate her. She hadn’t been hurt by love. Of course, she hadn’t. It wasn’t as though she wanted to set a man on fire.
She could easily imagine some smarmy bastard -- Edgar or Setzer probably -- shooting her a little wink. ’Ah, but the lady doth protest too much!’
Terra, on the other hand, was as innocent and forthcoming as ever. For women of similar circumstances, they certainly were different people, weren’t they? While Celes had spent much of her life off in military training yards, Terra had been...somewhere. Doing something. Celes had never thought to ask where they’d kept Terra back in those days, and now it felt insensitive to ask. From what she’d gathered, Terra must have spent the majority of her life under a rock for all she knew about the world.
What was the one thing that boys wanted from a woman? It must be so easy to give it to them!
Celes had really walked into that one, hadn’t she?
”What? Well…” Was she really expected to explain it to her? ”You see, when a man and a woman…” She made a vague gesture then stopped, groaning. ”Oh, I can’t do this! Another time, Terra?”
Another time that would hopefully never come. Maybe she could rope in Yuna or Jessie to help her? And they could sit down Caius and Sabin while they were at it and burst all their clueless bubbles at once!
She imagined Yuna trying to explain the specificities of sexual intimacy. At least they’d all be blushing together.
Terra was optimistic even as she was horribly depressing. She went on to say that she’d rather feel the pain of loss than nothing at all, and hadn’t she been taken advantage of all her life? Celes frowned. ”I know,” she said. ”It’s just…”
”Celes. Did somebody...hurt you?”
”Huh?”
Celes blinked and looked up to meet Terra’s concerned, slightly startled eyes. They were staring at her. Worried.
”What?” Celes said again. ”I, well, of course not!” She’d said it too fast, hadn’t she? And far too loud.
’The lady doth protest too much!’
”I mean…” She looked down and felt heat rise into her cheeks. So much for not blushing. ”It’s the same for any woman, isn’t it? I haven’t been hurt...”
Physically. And not for lack of male interest in trying.
”I grew up in the military,” Celes said bluntly. ”It’s a boy’s club in there, and they’re always sneering and joking and making passes. Thankfully, I had my magic so unless they wanted to be frozen solid…” She trailed off then sighed. ”You don’t understand, do you?”
She didn’t. She couldn’t. Celes didn’t mean it badly. It was just so hard to talk to Terra sometimes.
Celes sat up straighter and made herself meet Terra’s eye. ”I want to protect you,” she said. ”You’ve had a terrible time. There was everything that happened with the Returners, the end of the world, and, well, I should have thought of you more. Back with the empire. I want you to live your own life free of all that, and I want you to be safe. I don’t want anyone to hurt you ever again.”
Celes paused and then glanced away, smiling sheepishly. ”Though that’s a bit silly, isn’t it? I know you can look after yourself. How long did we fight together?”
[attr=class,ooc-notes]
[attr=class,tagline]@terrabranford
Hoping my migraine-rattled brain can put words together lol
And this was why Terra was always so confused, she thought. Nobody ever actually explained anything to her. In fact, it was always the same. They'd call her naïve, but when she asked questions, she'd never get an answer. She bit back a sigh. It wasn't Celes's fault, and besides, she seemed so flustered, Terra didn't want to talk about love if it made her uncomfortable. So she was willing to move on.
She noticed, however, when Celes got defensive and worried over being hurt, and began to sum up her experiences in the military. Terra could see Celes's frustration that she didn't understand, and she didn't, not fully, but she understood a little. She gave Celes what she hoped was a soft smile, a motherly smile, the type she used on her children when they were upset or frustrated. "I... might not understand fully, but I grew up in the same military as you. Only, I was a prisoner," Terra admitted. "I know that I don't understand love, or... the things people do... but... I am not... inexperienced at men stating their intent to do those things to me. If they made... as you said... passes at you, imagine what they said to a prisoner," she pointed out. She didn't want to make Celes feel any more guilty, but she was hoping it meant that she could relate to her a little more.
"We all had a difficult time," Terra admitted. "Not just me. I was a prisoner and a slave and a living weapon. It was unpleasant, but it means that it was easy for me to see what the Empire was doing was wrong. I was their enemy naturally. You were one of their most trusted generals. And yet, you saw what they were. You did the brave thing. You fought back against them, when it would have been so much easier for you to stay under their command. That must have been far harder than anything I went through," she pointed out.
She smiled a little when Celes said it was silly, her desire to protect Terra. It probably was. Terra was skilled and she was powerful, but it didn't mean that she didn't appreciate it. "Long enough. But it's sweet. It's... nice, knowing that people care about you. It makes all of the battles feel worthwhile," she smiled.
[attr=class,bulk] Terra was smiling at her. That felt...wrong. Not because Terra wasn’t the type of person to smile -- she very much was -- but she shouldn’t be smiling when Celes was floundering her words so much. Yet there she was, smiling away with that strange, motherly patience. Terra could really look adult sometimes when she wanted to.
”I might not understand fully,” Terra said, ”But I grew up in the same military as you. Only I was a prisoner.”
”Oh. Well…” Celes knew that, of course. She knew what Terra had gone through more or less, and she’d always known Terra to be around even if they’d never really talked until they’d both defected. Still, it was different hearing it from Terra’s mouth. In some way, it had felt almost like Terra had existed in a nebulous state of limbo until Celes had met her again in the Returners. Terra never talked much about her past. A side effect of the amnesia, she supposed.
Yet here it was, out in the open for them both to see. Terra had been suffering. She’d been a slave, and of course Celes had known that, but she’d been too wrapped up in her own military career to bother looking at it properly. Terra should have hated her by all accounts, but she didn’t. Of course, she didn’t. Not kind, gentle Terra.
”It wasn’t,” Celes blurted out before adding, ”That hard, I mean. I only left when I was about to be executed. If Locke hadn’t been there, I…” She shook her head. ”I didn’t have a lot of options. And then I went right back once they told me what I wanted to hear. I’m not brave, Terra. I never knew the right thing to do.”
Only that was a lie. She’d known, she just hadn’t followed it. The right thing would have been to take one look at Terra in that ghastly slave crown and to have stolen her away. A brave woman never would have led armies against weaker kingdoms in the name of conquest. A brave woman never would have…
She was losing her train of thought, wasn’t she?
”Of course I care about you. After everything we went through…”
After Kefka. After the end of the world as they knew it…
She looked at Terra, so small but so brave, sitting next to the fire in her damp clothes with her hair half-dried and springing out into loose curls, and felt like maybe it wasn’t too late to do something good.
A clap of thunder interrupted her thoughts, and Celes looked at the shuttered window, sighing. It was always raining here. It was something about the climate, she supposed, that always left it hot or wet or far too sunny. She listened as rain battered the roof like something alive and howling. ”I don’t think the storm will pass anytime soon,” she said. ”You can stay if you’d like. As long as you want, really, though I wouldn’t want to keep you if you have somewhere to be…”
Why did this feel wrong? Celes had never been very good at hospitality.
”I’m, um. Glad you’re here,” Celes added, and then she smiled because that’s what Terra would have done, and it was really something that Celes should have tried to do more often. ”If you need anything, let me know.”
