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year 5, quarter 3
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I did a thing. Kind of boring, but hopefully it gets this started. xD
Use your own eyes, and see for yourself which side I'm on.
It had been a long time since Celes had last bathed. A long time of hiking, camping, monster-fighting, and dragging herself through the ashes of a flaming city. She thought that it should have made her feel better to strip away her armor, let herself slip beneath the water's edge, and simply think, but it didn't. Not really. Her throat was still tight as she ran her fingers through wet tangles. Her breaths came uneasily as she immersed herself in fragrant bubbles. The water stung the scrapes on her knees and palms where she'd fallen, and she washed her wounds without looking at them. She didn't want to think about where they came from.
Through the haze of bath soap and shampoo, she could still smell the damp must of the forest. Beyond that was the arid sting of wind, the click of hard ground beneath her boots, and water laced with the copper tints of blood. She could remember them both just as strongly as the other. One second, the chirp of songbirds over an ominous fog. The next, the howl of wind across a dusty wasteland and that laugh.
Only one could be real. But which was it? She wanted to sink into the water until her mind flooded and she didn't have to think anymore. She wanted to close her eyes and pretend that it had all been a dream, but that would be giving up, and she would never stop fighting. She couldn't if she wanted to keep her mind straight, and she wouldn't let him Him win. Not now. Not ever again.
The water had cooled by the time she left it. She brought magic to her fingers and let it trail across her skin, seeping into bruises and stitching together cuts until she looked as though she'd never scraped her palms or tramped through thick underbrush or crawled through fire nearly choking on the smoke. She left her armor where it was -- so dirty and stained that she'd have to get it cleaned before she bothered to dress like a soldier again. Instead, she opted for a more casual set of clothes, one she hadn't worn when paranoia kept her armor on practically in sleep. She slipped into a familiar set of yellow pants, a black tank top, and a matching jacket etched with beading on the edges. Her hair took fifteen minutes to work through with a comb. She'd forgotten what it looked like when it wasn't tangled together in matted strands, but a little work brought it back to her natural curls as though she hadn't spent several months completely neglecting it.
The room was empty when she crept back in, perching awkwardly on the edge of the single bed while she ran her fingers through the wet ringlets of her hair. Zack must have left to busy himself with something or another -- he'd said he needed to have his armor cleaned, and Celes considered joining him. Upon emerging from the forest, they'd decided that they were both too weak and too rattled to part ways. It had simply made sense to continue on together, at least for a day or two. She'd proven she was willing to follow him across half a country anyway, though as to why she still wasn't sure. With her head mostly cleared, she chalked it up to a moment of pure insanity. The trauma in Torensten must have done something to her. There was no reason for it otherwise.
Of course, Zack had tried to be a gentleman. He'd offered to pay for two rooms on their return to the city, and Celes hadn't thought to object. However, once they'd approached the counter, Zack had patted his pockets with panic in his eyes. He'd lost his gil somewhere in Torensten, he'd said. And so Celes had used the last of her remaining money to rent one room -- the only one she could afford. They'd both argued vehemently over which of them would sleep on the floor that night, but Celes had a suspicion that Zack's stubborn will would win out over her's. He'd take the floor even though she'd offered just as strongly as he had. She'd been the one to pay for the room, after all.
With nothing to do but idle, Celes slid into her boots and started for the door. If she was going to wait for him, then she might as well do it downstairs. She felt vulnerable without her armor, but left it behind. She was unlikely to run into trouble here. 'You have your magic,' she told herself quietly, 'So calm down and try to act normal.' She longed for her sword as she wandered out of the inn and to the dusky street beyond. Even as she perched on a bench to watch the sunset, her hand still gripped vainly at her hip, subconsciously stroking the blade that wasn't there.
'You're safe,' she repeated. 'Just act normal.' But it didn't matter that this was a civilian's city. It didn't matter that even if someone did attack her, they wouldn't stand a chance against her magic. It didn't matter what she told herself because she wasn't used to safety. Not in her ruined world and certainly not here. As she waited, she closed her eyes, took a breath, and tried to distract herself with the chatter of passing crowds. 'Just act normal.'
There was always an overabundance of people that needed help with something.
And boy, was Zack all the happier for it. A small helping hand here and there had granted him a decent set of clothes to wear while his was being washed, fixed, and cleaned. Hard work rewarded him with a quick, hot shower. A favor had earned him a little bit of gil in his empty pocket.
“Thanks again, I really appreciate it!” Fair waved a friendly, thankful hand to one of the vendors in downtown Provo who had allowed him to do some quick, simple tasks in exchange for something in return. As it turned out, the people in this city really favored bartering, and while Zack had no possessions he could trade, he did have something that many people in the trade business did not; ungodly strength. It took him little time at all, maybe an hour and a half, to accomplish a lot of little favors in return for the things he desperately needed.
As Zack made his way back towards the meager inn that he and Celes were staying in, his pace slowed. Though it may or may not have been necessary, he wanted to give her some time and space away from his, likely abrasive optimistic attitude. The incident in the forest had definitely had a different effect on the both of them. Strangely, Zack had come out having been more helped than harmed – mentally, anyway. Celes, on the other hand, had apparently experienced something horrific. Mind altering. Bone chilling. She had been pretty shaken up, and as they had managed to make their way out of the forest and towards town, there had been a long, uncomfortable silence.
Silence didn’t bother Zack, however. He somewhat recalled carrying around a comatose Cloud Strife for weeks or months.
The awkward air of quiet was easier to ignore once they’d entered Provo. The town was hustling and bustling with activity, and Fair already had eyes for a few places to stop at after they’d found a hotel to stay in. Celes didn’t particularly argue against traveling together, but the Soldier could feel she was maybe needing some time to herself. After embarrassing himself with having lost all of his gil, arguing to secure his sleeping spot on the floor (Celes paid for the room for god’s sake, she bought the rights to the bed even if he wasn’t being a gentleman!), Zack began considering his options. He’d needed clothes to change into, money, a hot shower. He left the Buster Sword behind, propped up against the wall by his “sleeping area”, let Celes know he would be back soon, and left with nothing more than a couple of materia in his pocket.
But now, with everything he needed secured and making his way back towards the hotel, Zack had to consider what to do next. This feeling of normalcy almost seemed … foreign, now. The city was fine, it’s inhabitants cheerful and hustling and bustling with their daily lives. Nothing was crouching around the corner, waiting to leap in and kill him. There were no illusions before his eyes. Though his skin still burned from various scrapes, and his limbs still ached from the beating they got in the forest, for the most part, Fair was in decent shape. The sense of impending doom was ever present on his shoulders, but that had been there for a long time. Much longer than when he’d woken up in this strange place.
Zack swallowed a hard lump in his throat. He had to relax, but it was difficult after having spent so long being on edge. Even before his death and “rebirth”, his life had been nothing but stress. He could slap on a smile, a laugh, tell a story or a joke, but would it be obvious that it was empty, worried, and stressed? Would people see right through his happy grin?
The Soldier did his best to shake those thoughts from his mind. He could brood on his own time, before he went to bed or something. For now though, it was a beautiful, sunny day and he was surrounded by, what appeared to be, very kind and happy people living their normal lives.
Then, she appeared. Like a ray of golden sunshine. It caught Zack off-guard, since he’d expected she might still be in the hotel room, that Celes was suddenly in front of him. He stopped in his tracks, boots loudly thudding against the cobblestone and he, rather unintentionally stared. There were a lot of new things he quickly noticed about her. He’d never seen Celes without her armor, which had been stained, scratched and dirtied by all their death defying adventuring. Her long, blonde hair was practically shimmering in the light, clean and straight, fighting to curl over her shoulder or remain down her back. She was clean from all the blood, ash, debris and dirt.
Realizing he was staring, Zack quickly scratched his head and tried to will away his embarrassed blush.
“Hey! Didn’t know if you’d, uh,” Fair stammered a bit, a friendly smile on his face as the red slowly drained from his cheeks, “Made your way out of the hotel yet.”
Of course she did. She was a grown woman that could take down monsters and drag grown men out of burning buildings when they rushed in like idiots. Zack’s heart was beating, suddenly, much faster than he realized it should have been. Celes was likely to believe he was an even bigger idiot than he actually was, if something intelligible didn’t come out of his mouth sometime soon.
“Sorry. Long morning,” Zack laughed off his embarrassment, “I managed to earn a little bit of gil helping a few folks out. Want to grab something to eat?”
He wasn’t sure why that was the first thing out of his mouth. Maybe it was the grumbling in his stomach – when was the last time he’d eaten anything, anyway? – or maybe it was simply that he wanted to have some kind of calm, normal moment with Celes. A shred of time where they weren’t running, fighting, throwing themselves at some kind of danger. They could talk, if Celes wanted to. Or they could just sit in comfortable silence. Anything.
Maybe Zack just didn’t want to be alone.
If it was up to me. I'd rewrite history, and change my destiny. One last time.
This might be the most awkward thing I've ever written in my life. I hope Zack isn't CRUSHED.
Use your own eyes, and see for yourself which side I'm on.
Celes felt eyes on her. She grasped for her sword, cursing quietly as her hand slipped through empty space, before looking up. At first, she caught only a bustling crowd of unfamiliar faces. Then she saw him.
Zack had changed since they'd last met. His hair was cleaner -- still ridiculous, but cleaner at least -- and glistened in dark rows. He'd switched out his armored plate for a pair of dark pants and his heavy pauldrons for a jacket with the collar popped and the sleeves rolled up. This particular jacket came equipped with a zipper down the front that he hadn't bothered to secure more than halfway. Beneath it was a tight cotton t-shirt dipping several inches below his neckline.
Their eyes met. Zack's cheeks flushed.
“Hey! Didn’t know if you’d, uh." Zack swallowed. The pause was just long enough for Celes to raise an eyebrow before he continued, "Made your way out of your hotel yet."
"Oh." Celes didn't know what to say to that. It was the kind of non-conversation that she'd never been good at. Back in her army days, she would have turned on Zack and asked why he insisted on wasting her time with idle nothingness. But then, a lot had changed since then, and she found that she didn't particularly want to yell at him. Instead, she sat there with her mouth shut, uncertain of what was expected of her. Heat crept up her neck and into her cheeks.
Neither said anything for far, far too long.
Zack laughed uncomfortably. "Sorry, long morning." His shoulders bulged through his jacket as he reached up to rub at the back of his neck. "I managed to earn a little bit of gil helping a few folks out," he said. "Want to grab something to eat?"
"Huh?" Celes' eyes shot open. Whatever she'd been expecting, it hadn't been that. Suddenly, everything fit into place. Zack's uncharacteristic nerves. His change of clothes (who wore a half-zipped shirt anyway and why couldn't she stop glancing at it?). Even their rooming situation had suddenly become suspect. What had he meant by that? Had he really wanted to grab something to eat or was he...?
Was he...?
Celes bit her tongue and forced her heart rate slower. She was being ridiculous. The man just wanted food. It didn't matter that he was nervous -- so was she for some reason she couldn't explain. It didn't matter that his arms were straining at that too-small jacket or that the lowest corner of the zipper didn't quite meet the hardened muscle over his belt. It didn't matter because he was just hungry. She was also hungry. And she was, once again, being ridiculous.
"Oh," she said again as though that would somehow mask her horrifying overreaction. She tried to regain some dignity by straightening her posture, but she could still feel the heat in her face. "Right. That sounds..." She trailed off, suddenly unsure how to answer. "...Good," she finished lamely. Her palms were sweating.
'Oh god, think of something to say.'
"Well." Celes rose to her feet and tossed her loose hair back, nearly balked at the unfamiliar gust of perfume and bath soap. "Let's, uh. Do that then." She glanced at him, accidentally met his eye, and her stomach lurched. It was a moment of pure panic, like tripping off the side of a ravine or forgetting the lines of an opera under the heat of a dozen lights and a thousand stares. She could feel his eyes on her, and in that moment, she'd never wanted anything more than to run.
'Please, let something burst from the crowd and attack me,' she prayed. But for once, nothing tried to kill her while her guard was down, and she was left to deal with something far more painful -- friendly conversation.
Celes opened her mouth, but the words had been replaced with a noise not unlike a very uncertain kitten. She clamped her mouth shut again as her cheeks burned and her mind reeled.
Celes seemed surprised when he gave her the offer of a bite to eat. Zack rose his eyebrows, just a tad, in slight confusion, his head cocking to the side as he watched her struggle for words. There was a blush across her fair skin, her words were unmeasured and somewhat random. She was awfully stiff -- nothing like the warrior he’d seen previously who embodied confidence and strength. As if she was lost in a situation that didn’t require swinging a sword or risking her life.
… Oh. He was coming off the same way, wasn’t he?
Zack couldn’t help but smile, managing to hold back the laughter that threatened to escape his chest as Celes opened her mouth and failed to make any more awkward words. She was completely flushed over again, seemingly terrified at their current situation. And Fair couldn’t blame her. He was forcing conversation now, but maybe she’d loosen up later on.
“Don’t worry, I get it,” Zack explained, his voice unnaturally smooth and calm, “It’s tough trying to readjust. Nothing is trying to kill us, the city isn’t on fire. It’s … weird. Right?”
At least, that’s how he felt. Trying to reshape himself to fit into the mold of citizen life was much more difficult than he felt it was supposed to be. Ever since Zack had woken up on this rock, he’d been on edge, and for good reason. Something seemed to be trying to murder him at every turn, and this was likely the longest stretch of peace he’d experienced in weeks. Impending doom crouched on his shoulders, despite the seemingly near-perfect surroundings, and it was hard to shake off. Celes had been there for a lot of the crazy action as well -- and she, herself, was a soldier. It was hard for their type to shake off the feeling that something was about to happen.
He had to, though. A life of constantly looking of your shoulder wasn’t a life worth living at all.
Zack hooked his thumbs into his pockets, trying to keep the calm, pleasant smile plastered across his face. He got them out of that god awful forest -- surely he could get them to lunch and back in one piece.
He found himself staring again. Something, somewhere, was poking him and reminding him that it was rude to stare, but for whatever reason, he couldn’t help it. Celes hair shone brilliantly in the sun, golden and fair, softly curling over her shoulders. The slight blush across her cheeks made her look so alive, lighting up a softer side of her he’d never really seen. Her eyes, though filled with uncertainty and confusion, suddenly seemed much brighter than his own -- and his glew in the dark.
Fair’s once-hungry stomach immediately twisted into a knot. His eyes fell wide with realization, finally taking his eyes off of her and landing somewhere, anywhere else.
Oh my god. I’m attracted to Celes.
“I saw a little place right up the road,” Zack tried, desperately, to save himself, “It looked nice! Outside seating, so we won’t be cramped. Let’s go.”
Zack forged on ahead, hearing the soft, familiar rhythm of boot steps behind him. He swallowed the large lump in his throat, willing beyond hope to slow his heart rate down. He’d managed to turn in time to hide his embarrassed, panicked blush -- dammit, why was he so terrible at preventing this kind of thing? The Soldier couldn’t remember too terribly much from his past in clear detail, but his brain had been quick to remind him that he had awful luck with women, despite his near constant attempts to land a date. They’d all turned him down, the moment that he’d hit on them.
On the upside, at least he didn’t remember any of his terrible pick up lines.
Zack dared a glance over his shoulder, and the butterflies kicked up a ruckus once more in his gut. Had-- had her figure always been this revealing? As it turned out, hiding underneath that armor was the well-toned, lithe body of a soldier -- imagine that -- and buried underneath all the dirt, blood, and ash had been hiding a beautiful face. Fair turned his attention back ahead of himself, another realization hitting him over the head like a stack of bricks.
The Celes that tracked him into the forest, tired and messy, was just as beautiful to him as the one he’d just dared a peek at.
Pull yourself together, Fair. You’re acting like a love sick puppy.
Thankfully, he had just enough time to stitch some confidence together as they arrived at the small pub he’d seen passing by earlier in the morning. It was a quaint joint, a corner building with outside seating clearly visible, the sign reading “Pub Provo” dangling overhead. Small, simple, and to the point. By the door was a list of specials, written in chalk on a small blackboard, but even if Zack had the ability to read it it likely wouldn’t have made much sense. He opened the door and waved Celes in ahead of him. Inside was another small sign, please seat yourself. Again, Zack took the lead, walking out onto the patio and plopping down into a chair.
He couldn’t pull out a chair for Celes. He didn’t want her to think he was hitting on her. Something disastrous would happen, he was sure of it.
The pub was filled with the wafting aromas of delicious dishes, thankfully reminding Zack that he was absolutely starving. Food would help take his mind off of needless staring at Celes for long periods of time, shit, was he doing it again!?
A waitress seemed to appear out of thin air, to Zack, anyway, since he’d caught himself staring again, and offered the two water and menus. Within moments, she popped away, promising she’d be back quickly to take their order.
“Can’t remember the last time I had a real meal,” Zack joked, scratching awkwardly at his spiky hair, focusing his nervous blue eyes on the small menu that had been handed off to him, “Way better than guessing if some berries on the side of the road will kill me or not.”
He was beginning to calm down, just enough to joke around and behave like his typically normal self. Zack took a steadying breath, praying that Celes would just mark up his behavior to the whole “fitting in is hard” excuse he’d come up with earlier. Part of him just wanted to enjoy the lunch in awkward silence, but a stronger part of him wanted conversation. He wanted to talk to Celes. He wanted to know her.
Zack suddenly wanted a lot of things he hadn’t thought of in a long, long time.
If it was up to me. I'd rewrite history, and change my destiny. One last time.
Use your own eyes, and see for yourself which side I'm on.
“Don’t worry, I get it."
Celes froze, uncertain what she'd heard. For some reason, the words only made her cheeks burn hotter. “It’s tough trying to readjust. Nothing is trying to kill us, the city isn’t on fire. It’s … weird. Right?”
"Weird." Celes said the word aloud, but even to her, it sounded ridiculous. Was it weird not running for her life or worrying about giant monsters or bandits or death rays from the sky? Celes could barely finish the thought before she was laughing. 'Yes.' For a short answer, yes.
"Something like that," she said before daring to raise her eyes to meet Zack's. Somehow he was just as cool as always, leaning back on his heels with his thumbs looped into his jean pockets. He certainly didn't seem choked for words, and he wasn't looking over his shoulder like she wanted to. No, as far as she could tell, he was the pinnacle of calm and casual, no matter what he said about it. But still...
'It's weird, right?'
No one had ever said that to her before. She didn't think that he fully understood -- how could he, when he'd never lived under Kefka's Light of Judgment? -- but it was good to hear. Validating in a way that she wasn't used to. She should have been more comfortable here in this peaceful town than she'd been anywhere in her life, and yet she felt like a fish gasping air. It didn't make sense, but she couldn't stop her anxiety any more than she could stop breathing. 'This isn't right,' it told her. 'You shouldn't be here.'
'Something's about to go terribly wrong.'
If Zack had the same concerns then he was an excellent liar. He was just standing there, watching her and smiling. For some reason, she found herself shifting uncomfortably under that look. It felt like a spotlight.
Several seconds passed before Zack broke the silence. “I saw a little place right up the road,” he said. "It looked nice! Outside seating, so we won’t be cramped. Let’s go.” And then he was gone, surging ahead without another word. Celes blinked and tried to follow, quickening her step just to keep pace with him. There had been something about his voice that had seemed off to her. It was a sudden suggestion, certainly, and then to just run off? It didn't seem like him and neither had the tension when he spoke, like he was uncertain whether or not to laugh.
Was Zack nervous? But why?
He didn't say anything else for the rest of their trip, and Celes followed suit. She didn't know what she would say, really, and she hadn't the slightest idea where they were going. She walked in silence, eyeing the passing storefronts and trying not to remember the last time she'd come to town. After a few minutes, her neck prickled and she glanced over to see Zack watching her again. He looked ahead as soon as their eyes met, and for some reason his cheeks had flushed. For some reason, hers had too.
Zack led her to an unassuming little pub a little off the main road. It reminded her of the terracotta plazas in South Figaro if she'd ever bothered to mingle there. From the street, Celes caught the wafting scent of coffee and roasted meat, and her stomach twisted in longing. How long had it been since she'd eaten?
Zack approached the door and then stopped to wave her inside. Celes gave him a sharp look and nearly said something scathing, but bit her tongue and accepted the pointless gesture of chivalry. There was no point in making a scene, not when her dignity was already in tatters.
She'd stared down dragons and behemoths without batting an eye. Surely she could be expected to handle her own doors.
Zack fell into an open chair on the patio, and she perched carefully in the one across from him. His eyes followed her movement until she'd settled, and then he just sat there. Watching her. Celes met his strange blue eyes then quickly glanced away. Heat crept up her neck like tendrils of fire. 'Say something,' her thoughts demanded, but her throat refused to cooperate. 'Something. A greeting. A compliment. Yell at him. Anything!'
Celes jumped as something knocked into her chair. The waitress. She said something about their orders and left waters on the table before disappearing back inside. Celes snatched her glass and drank as though she'd gone thirsty for days.
When was the last time she'd had water? That morning maybe? She couldn't say.
“Can’t remember the last time I had a real meal,” Zack said. Celes' stomach clenched as he tussled the irregular locks of his hair. “Way better than guessing if some berries on the side of the road will kill me or not.”
Celes laughed. It came out weaker than she'd wanted, but it was something. "You have no idea," she said, and then paused because he certainly had some idea. They were stuck here together, after all. "I mean. Well, where I'm from, berries are a little hard to find." She stopped. Her fingers had gone cold. 'Don't think about that.'
"Ah." She replaced the water cup on the table and folded her hands in her lap. Her fingers tapped at the top of her thigh. "So. Where are you from? You're certainly not from around here." She regretted it as soon as the words left her mouth. 'Stupid.' Her question was pointless -- ridiculous even when none of that mattered here. She'd met enough people like him to know that she wouldn't understand a word he said. And she wasn't exactly eager to answer the question herself.
"Sorry." The word escaped before she could stop herself. Once it was, she froze, took a slow breath, and tried again. "I didn't mean to pry," she said. "I just...Well, you're interesting."
Her cheeks burned. That was not what she'd meant to say.
"Strong, I mean. You have a way with disasters." Was that supposed to be a compliment? Even she wasn't sure.
"Thanks for that. You...helped. A lot." Celes glanced at him, bit her tongue, and decided to cut her losses. She grabbed the water glass and drank before she could say anything else. Her heart raced in her throat.
As soon as Celes spoke, Zack’s eyes were torn from the little menu in his hand.
His fingers wrapped around the cool glass in front of him, bringing it to his lips to quench the thirst of his suddenly dry mouth. Fair listened to Celes stumble over her words a bit, and he couldn’t help but find himself smiling despite the stiff awkwardness in the air. It was impossible not to, really. She’d say one thing, blush, try another, blush harder. How long had it been since she’d had a normal conversation with anyone?
Though, he had no idea how to really approach her question. It was the second time Zack had been asked where he was from. It was becoming, slowly, more and more obvious that many people he’d been meeting on his travels were not originally from this world, but he’d never really garnered a guess at where they were from. Before Celes had even hinted that she wasn’t from this world, he would have guessed as much. Not that he had much of a basis for thinking that other than, she seems to strong for this world.. Maybe it was the look in her eyes in the midst of a disaster, or her cool temperament in the face of danger. Celes had seen things. Celes had done things.
Maybe she was from a den of monsters, too.
All of that, however, was shadowed by a different realization. Celes thought he was interesting! And strong! And good with disasters! … Those were all really weird compliments, but he’d take them.
“I should be the one thanking you,” Zack stated, a little laughter in his voice as the placed the near-empty glass of water back on the table, “You saved my life during all that, remember?”
To be honest, a lot of that particular experience back in Torensten was a blur, but he remembered the important tidbits. It was just best not to dwell on it. He pushed it back into his already abused memories, not letting it darken the small smile on his lips. The Soldier had a lot of nasty memories he could easily recall, and a lot more that he couldn’t, but they seemed so trivial in this moment. All he could really focus on was the sunshine on Celes’ golden hair, and her still red-tinted cheeks.
“You’re not prying. I don’t really mind talking about where I’m from,” Zack admitted, glad that his natural charm was making conversation a little easier, “It’s not too terribly different from this place, if I’m being honest.”
It was always hard to describe an entire planet in very few words. He could go on and on about Gongaga and Midgar, he could ramble for ages about ShinRa. About his friends and family -- well, the bits and pieces he could remember, anyway. He traveled for months on foot, halfway across the planet. He could remember it’s vivid beauty. The strength it took to haul Cloud around while keeping them hidden, keeping them safe. How Midgar looked both beautiful and ugly in the distance of the wastes.
“I was a soldier in the military, so I think I saw the worst the planet had to offer. War, a constant onslaught of monsters, disasters, treason,” there were flashes of terrible things, bombs dropping on Banora, Angeal’s broken and bleeding body on the floor, Sephiroth in the fires of Nibelheim. Zack swallowed the lump that appeared in his throat. He didn’t want to think of all that.
So, he didn’t. He pushed it out. Fair forced back on the smile he didn’t realize he’d let drop, “But, it sure was a beautiful place filled with good people. The sky here just isn’t as blue.”
Zack laughed. He couldn’t help it, “Sorry, I guess that isn’t very descriptive. It sure is hard to describe a whole world and keep it short and sweet.”
Thankfully the waitress reappeared, breaking the awkward tension before Fair could make more of a fool of himself. She happily refilled their waters, expertly whipping out a pad and paper to jot down their order. Zack vaguely read something off of the menu, not paying much attention to it. Maybe he shouldn’t have started talking about Gaia after all. It was weighing heavier on him than he expected it to. Likely because of how he remembered everything ending.
Boy, what a conversation starter that would be. By the way, the last thing I remember from my world was dying, how ‘bout that?
The waitress wandered off, leaving them in a stiff silence once more. Zack had words on the tip of his tongue, and he likely knew they were about to fall out before he could catch them. His fingers absent-mindedly danced against his thigh, and his brain was running on all cylinders. He wanted to ask the same to Celes, but he, too, didn’t want to pry. After seeing what happened to her in the forest, he knew her baggage was likely just as heavy as his own, if not more so.
“You’re interesting and strong too, y’know,” Fair’s words were a little quieter, but still laced with good-natured humor and interest. It was fun to turn those strange compliments back on her, but for whatever reason, he found his own cheeks beginning to burn a little too, “I don’t want to pry either. I’m sure we’ve both been through a lot, both where we’re from, and here.”
How much more disastrous of a meeting could they have had, really? Bumping into each other while trying to save lives in Torensten while it burned to the ground. They’d ended up bloody, bruised, covered in ash and soot, surrounded by the living and the dead. Then, to that awful forest that played tricks on their minds, pulled them apart, and caused some heavy pain. Just in the short amount of time they’d known each other, their time in the world seemed all too painful, all too sad.
“But it’s lead me here with you, so I can’t complain.”
There was just a second of too-long silence before Zack’s face fell. Did he say that out loud? Did he say that, period? Alarms were going off in his brain -- DANGER, this is exactly the kind of dumb things he’d say to women and then they’d slap him and walk off! That was supposed to stay in his head, why did it fall out of his big, stupid mouth!? The cheesiest line in history! Of two worlds! Maybe three!
“I mean -- I’m just glad that we met!” Zack desperately started damage control, his cheeks blazing red, blue eyes brimming with near panic, “And -- And that we can just enjoy a conversation now. As friends! Instead of just -- y’know, there’s nothing crazy happening right now --.”
Well, besides himself, anyway.
“Sorry. That came out weird. It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten to just talk to someone, I guess.”
Fair wasn’t sure if he saved himself or not. If Celes got up and left, he wouldn’t be able to blame her. He was a mess, messier than a mess, like a pre-teen boy trying to ask a girl to the dance. He picked up the glass of water and began to drink it, perhap too fast, just to distract himself.
I’m an idiot.
If it was up to me. I'd rewrite history, and change my destiny. One last time.
I did not expect this date to take such a good turn. xD
Use your own eyes, and see for yourself which side I'm on.
Zack took a moment to respond. Far too long. Celes' fingers' chilled against her water glass. 'Say something. Please."
“I should be the one thanking you.” Zack laughed a little under his breath and replaced his own glass back on the table. Somehow, he was still as cool as ever -- friendly, casual, and laughing. “You saved my life during all that, remember?”
"Oh." To be honest, she'd almost forgotten. That time in the fire felt so long ago. "I guess I did," she said, though it didn't make her feel any better. It hadn't been her first time running into a burning building, and she hadn't exactly kept her dignity afterwards. Her cheeks heated as she remembered hot soot and the stream of her own tears. It was the smell that had done it. The smell of ash and seared human flesh. The catch of charred debris in her throat. The wailing...
Her stomach lurched. No. She wouldn't think about that. Not now.
“You’re not prying," Zack said, and Celes snapped her eyes up in attention. Something, anything, to distract her. "I don’t really mind talking about where I’m from. It’s not too terribly different from this place, if I’m being honest.”
"Oh," Celes said again, then shifted in her seat. He was lucky then, she thought. To not be quite so lost.
But he didn't look lucky as he spoke. If anything, he looked sad in a way that she'd never seen before. His voice carried a certain heaviness to it that didn't suit him. “I was a soldier in the military, so I think I saw the worst the planet had to offer. War, a constant onslaught of monsters, disasters, treason."
She nodded. She knew all of those things well.
Zack was quiet for a moment with that solemn, contemplative stare that she'd seen too many times on her own world, and not often enough here. It made her heart surge with something that she couldn't identify -- something warm and quiet that made her want to reach across the table and take his hand. Safety, she thought. Something familiar. Something she understood.
Zack straightened and plastered on a weak smile. 'He's hiding something.' Celes frowned. She wanted to know what kind of disasters and treason could have darkened his usual smile, but then, she was no better really. He didn't know anything about her, and she wasn't about to give him reason to ask.
If they both wanted their secrets, that was fine by her.
Zack's smile widened. “But, it sure was a beautiful place filled with good people," he said. "The sky here just isn’t as blue.”
Celes nearly balked at the line. "Zack-," she started, but he was already laughing.
“Sorry, I guess that isn’t very descriptive. It sure is hard to describe a whole world and keep it short and sweet.”
Had she been anywhere but here, Celes would have shot him a sharp look and told him to stop wasting her time. She didn't have time for idiocy like that, and she didn't have time for nonsense sugar-coating. Honestly, she was considering saying it even then, but the waitress appeared before she could decide on the words. The woman refilled their water glasses (when had they both emptied?) and asked them what she wanted. Celes froze. She hadn't even looked.
"Ah..." She glanced down uncertainly at the menu in her hand, but thankfully Zack went first. He must have been more perceptive than she was, or perhaps it simply hadn't been as long for him since he'd done something so normal. She hurriedly scanned through the columns until she felt the woman's eyes on her. Celes made an uncertain noise then blurted out the first thing her eyes landed on: a roast pork sandwich.
Honestly, after everything she'd been through, that didn't sound terrible.
By the time the woman left, Celes had forgotten what she'd wanted to say or even why she'd been mad. She could only remember that something had offended her, though she supposed that meant it had been unimportant in the first place. Perhaps the distraction was for the best. She didn't particularly want to argue with Zack -- not unless he did something to really deserve it.
“You’re interesting and strong too, y’know."
The words came like a sniper's bullets. Sharp and unexpected. "Huh?" She sat up, suddenly alert. Her blush must have faded sometime in the preceding conversation because her cheeks burned hotter now. "Ah...Oh." It was nothing. Just the same words she'd used on him. Was he making fun of her? "Thanks."
Did he really find her interesting? And after the episodes she'd had, why on earth would he think she was strong?
“I don’t want to pry either. I’m sure we’ve both been through a lot, both where we’re from, and here.” Zack leaned back in his chair, watching her with that casual charm. “But it’s lead me here with you, so I can’t complain.”
Celes stiffened. "Ah..."
Their eyes met. Hers taken aback, his increasingly horrified.
What had he just said?
Zack's cheeks surged with color. "I mean -- I’m just glad that we met!" he cried, the words almost running over each other in his panic. “And -- And that we can just enjoy a conversation now. As friends! Instead of just -- y’know, there’s nothing crazy happening right now --.”
He froze. Celes stared at him. It was that same spotlight feeling all over again. Frozen, with a thousand eyes watching her. She swallowed her own quickened heartbeat. Was he flirting with her?
“Sorry." The word sounded tired. Zack wilted in his chair. "That came out weird. It’s been a long time since I’ve gotten to just talk to someone, I guess."
Celes nodded slowly and let out a quiet breath. Then she looked at him, slumped there with his eyes lowered like a wounded puppy, and suddenly she was laughing.
She laughed like she hadn't in a long time. Real laughter, not from hysterics or irony or disbelief. She laughed so hard that she doubled over, arms wrapping around her stomach as her shoulders shook and her face went red. She couldn't have stopped if she'd wanted to.
This was all just so ridiculous.
"What is wrong with us?" She could barely get the words out for laughter. She shook her head, and for the first time since coming to this world, she was smiling. A half-deranged, lunatic's smile, but a smile nonetheless. "Are we really this damaged?"
Perhaps the thought shouldn't have been as funny to her as it was, sitting there casually in this restaurant filled with average civilians without a single clue what either of them had been through. Maybe it shouldn't have been funny that she couldn't get through a single nonthreatening conversation anymore, and yet it was. Hilarious, even. Celes was a woman that could stand toe-to-toe with every twisted beast a mad god could conceive of, and yet she couldn't even handle a simple lunch date.
A lunch date? Was that what this was? The thought made her laugh harder.
"Sorry," Celes said as her laughter finally quieted. She covered her mouth with her hand so that he wouldn't see her grin. "I guess I was a little tense."
As though that wasn't obvious. She'd probably be sore for days with how rigid she'd been. She took a long, slow breath and tried to steady herself. For some reason, she felt far more comfortable after that. Perhaps she really had lost her mind.
"Since you shared a little about yourself, I guess that I should too." Celes straightened and folded her fingers in her lap. She tried to keep her breaths even. "I was a general in the Geystalian Empire, not that you'd know it. I was raised as a child to fight in their military, and eventually rose to a position of leadership. Mostly, I think, because of my magic." She glanced away, smirking faintly. "I know it's not a big deal here, but where I'm from, magic is almost unheard of. I can only manage because of a procedure when I was a child. It drove the last man mad."
It felt odd, talking to Zack like this. Anyone else would have demonized her or at least watched her with a sense of caution. Admitting to a background in the Empire was like admitting to murder in her world, and that judgment wasn't entirely wrong. It was the Empire that had subjugated countless kingdoms for the sake of world conquest. It was the Empire that had given rise to Kefka.
It was Celes that had done that.
"Eventually, the Empire decided to kill me. I wasn't a fan of their policies for murder, and that's how it goes when you argue with an emperor. So I joined the rebels. One of them saved me, so there wasn't much else I could do at that point." She paused. She hadn't expected to be able to talk about it so casually. She supposed it didn't really matter to her anymore -- not after what Kefka had done. None of it really mattered, but still...
She must have looked like a psychopath, talking about her own execution like it was a rainy day on the beach. She probably should have felt something at the thought of it, but she couldn't muster up anything more than mild disappointment.
"Sorry. I doubt you wanted my life story," she said, though her story was by no means done. She picked up the water glass and drank slowly, savoring the chill of the ice. She'd found that it was the simple luxuries she'd missed the most -- ice water, soft sheets, the smell of her own clean hair. Even casual conversation, if she was being honest with herself.
And if she was being even more honest, sitting here with Zack left her feeling far better than she had in a long time.
Uh. I'm sorry about. All of this -Lala gestures at entire post-
While Zack was slumped in his chair, readily admitting defeat and offering his big, stupid head to be chopped off to fate or whatever mad cosmic force had somehow landed him here, a sound he’d never heard reached his ears. Soft, enjoyable, pleasant; like the sunset, like waves gently lulling against the shore, like the sounds of petals in the wind.
Was Celes … laughing?
Fair watched, astonished, as the woman before him doubled over in laughter. His mouth slightly slack jawed, he carefully set his glass of water back onto the table, managing to straighten up enough to appear slightly less surprised. Her laughter was quickly infectious, and a natural, pleased smile plastered itself back on his face. He was confused, obviously having no idea what had made Celes double over in front of him in an uncontrollable fit of giggles.
But, whatever it was, he was thankful for it. To hear the joy in her voice and see the wide smile on her face, the way her cheeks flushed, her eyes twinkling. It was like a breathe of fresh air and a smack to the face all at once. It sizzled up his spine and settled warmly into his heart.
Celes finally managed to contain her laughter enough to get some sort of response out, and her words even dragged an honest chuckle out of Zack as well. Damaged. That sounded about right, if he was being truthful. They were both damaged, perhaps hilariously so, and he’d never really seen it that way. Celes was onto something, though. Normal people certainly didn’t have such a hard time simply talking to each other. Getting Celes to speak had been like pulling teeth, and Fair was apologizing for every other sentence he spat out without thinking first.
“‘Suppose we are,” Zack agreed, a smile still pressed against his lips. It almost felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, as if things finally made sense for the first time in a long time. He managed to relax back in his chair, as best as a man of his stature could in such a small seat, anyway. A long held breath left his lungs, and his shoulders began to slowly unknot themselves. How long had he been tensed up? The entire time?
Celes apologized, hiding the bright, beautiful smile Zack had found himself staring at behind her hand.
“I guess I was a little tense."
Just a little, a voice echoed in his head. Even that little, three sentence line made him want to chuckle. Her laughter had been so contagious, it made him want to laugh at just about everything.
A moment passed, and Celes began to open up about herself, much more than Zack had ever expected her to.
"I was a general in the Geystalian Empire, not that you'd know it. I was raised as a child to fight in their military, and eventually rose to a position of leadership. Mostly, I think, because of my magic."
Fair nodded, following along easily -- perhaps too easily. Didn’t he know someone who was raised as a child to fight for ShinRa? It was on the tip of his tongue, surely, but he couldn’t recall. The annoying static that had been plaguing his memories since he’d woken up on this world was still just as strong as it had ever been. That person had also been a general, his general. Well, whatever, that wasn’t too terribly important. Instead, he found himself more amused that Celes outranked him. It was no wonder they had worked so well together, like brothers in arms.
Celes’ smile fell, naturally cascading town into more of a heavy smirk as she continued to speak. Zack found himself wanting to reach out to her, at that familiar look. Heavy, lost in thoughts and unpleasant memories. However, he held himself back, keeping his bare hand placed appropriately atop his thigh. "I know it's not a big deal here, but where I'm from, magic is almost unheard of. I can only manage because of a procedure when I was a child. It drove the last man mad."
Magic being a bit of a rarity wasn’t all that unheard of to Zack, at least. When he was growing up, magic could really only be found in Midgar and other sizable cities. ShinRa had started producing materia at that point, but nothing of the sort had made its way to Gongaga. He hadn’t a lick of experience with magic until he’d managed to secure an entry level position for the SOLDIER program. But, for magic to only be possible for someone by experimenting on them? That was hard to wrap his mind around. Celes was an experiment, then. Just like himself. Just like many others he knew.
With each passing moment, it seemed like they gained a hundred more things to have in common.
The way she spoke, though, had captivated him. Her tone was heavy, even if Celes hadn’t meant it that way. Her life’s burdens were attached to her voice as she spoke, sneaking out as she spoke. Though the conversation seemed much more casual than that, Zack could sense it, he could feel it. She had seen terrible things. Done terrible things. Other people looked at her in fear, because she was the terrible thing they so feared.
SOLDIER is a den of monsters.
And so too, perhaps, had been this Geystalian Empire.
"Eventually, the Empire decided to kill me. I wasn't a fan of their policies for murder, and that's how it goes when you argue with an emperor. So I joined the rebels. One of them saved me, so there wasn't much else I could do at that point."
Zack hadn’t meant to let his expression drop so quickly, but there was no saving it. His eyebrows rose, glowing eyes filled with concern. The Empire had turned on its own general, because she argued to save lives rather than end them? There was no denying his thoughts about the matter now, that Empire was filled with monsters. But, she’d broken free of them. Joined some rebels. It was … Well, to Fair anyway, an amazing history to have. All the pieces easily lined up in his mind, because for whatever reason, they all seemed to similar to his own. Even if he couldn’t properly remember it.
"Sorry. I doubt you wanted my life story."
Zack shook his head, bringing a casual smile back to his face, stretching the thin scar on his cheek, “Don’t apologize. I know you’ve barely scratched the surface, but it sounds like you've a more than a hell of a life.”
He didn’t have to try and imagine it. After all, he’d had a hell of a short life too, and it’d hadn’t ended well. The parallels between their histories, though, was astonishing. It explained so much. Why Celes was always on edge, always looking over her shoulder. Why her eyes scanned the crowds for potential dangers. Why she could barely in the middle of peace. It was hard, for people like them, to flip the switch between soldier and civilian. Especially when you lived and breathed for a military that was universally feared.
“It’s … kinda weird, but our stories share some similarities,” he couldn’t help but laugh, knowing that it was kind of a rude thing to suggest. Zack leaned forward on the table, his tight jacket sleeves pulling up slightly as he moved, a number of thin, light scars shining in the light of the sun, “I guess I should elaborate.”
“I ran away from home at 14 to join the army’s elite program, called SOLDIER. It promised a lot .. Enhanced strength, vitality, reflexes and super-human abilities, extreme loyalty to the company, and as they tried to advertise, you’d be a hero to the people. We were fitted with top notch equipment, pumped full of boosters and god knows what else, and given access to an arsenal of weapons and magic the rest of the planet could only dream of. I thought, by joining, I could be a real hero, like our general was.”
The sun was warm on his skin as the pride he once had for Soldier bloomed in his heart. For a moment, Zack was wistful, lost in thought as he recalled a time long gone and muddled over. The excitement as he was donned a Soldier 3rd class. The pride he felt as he was promoted to 2nd class and Angeal took over as his mentor. Those hard, rough years were some of the best of his life. He’d never worked so hard for something, had never been so proud of something he’d done. He was chasing the ever, unattainable dream.
The simple days, where everything was about dreams and honor.
Zack sighed, crossing his arms on the table as he straightened up in his chair. He ran a hand through his thick black spikes, as the more unpleasant memories began to surface. What he could clearly remember, anyway.
“It took years for me to realize what I had actually joined into,” Fair’s expression dropped a little, still casual, but worn and tired, “Turns out, my general was an experiment, raised within the company, to be the perfect soldier. It was the same for my mentor, and his best friend. They’d all been experimented on before they were even born, and had become … monsters. All together, we were fighting for a greedy corporation intent on taking everything it could, without mercy. I was forced to kill my mentor, my best friend. My general went mad and burned down an entire town while we were on a mission together, claiming he wanted to rule the planet. Things weren’t uh … Well, they weren’t great.”
Zack laughed, real, honest laughter. Reflecting back on what happened now; it seemed so long ago. Like it was a lifetime away -- perhaps, because it was. All of that had happened years ago, even from when he’d died. And he’d never really told anyone much of this, as far as he could remember. Maybe he’d thrown his frustrated rants at a comatose Cloud, but that was likely the extent of his conversations as far as that went. It was … nice. To get it off his chest.
“The company captured me and a friend, and experimented on us for four years before I was able to break us out of that hell. My friend was in a coma, and after we’d managed to escape, the company sent the army after us. Seriously, who does that? I just wanted to go live my life.”
Again, he was caught in laughter at the absurdity of the situation. Reflecting back on it, he and Cloud must have been more prized specimens than he’d thought. How long were they on the road, barely dodging meetings with the Turks, before they hit a dead end at the army blockade? Months? In all that time, ShinRa never stopped chasing him. Never stopped trying to stomp out the fire and hope he held in his heart.
“Sorry. That was a bit much,” Zack’s smile was weighed down by the various memories he’d drawn back, but still relieved and even happy, “I’ve just, well, never really gotten to tell anyone about all of this before. Most people are nervous around someone like me -- for good reason, I suppose.”
But, it felt like something had been lifted off of his shoulders. A relief. He’d finally told someone who he was, what he was, what had happened. Well, omitting the important detail that he was supposed to be dead, but Zack wasn’t aiming to hit every target. After hearing about Celes’ past, he knew she would understand. That this, their history’s, were something that they now shared. Along with the history they’d created themselves on this new planet they’d been dumped on.
Zack grabbed his glass, letting the cool water soothe his throat. Now looking at Celes, he felt somehow more than he had before. As if she’d walked the same road he had. Like she understood. He wanted to take her hand and tell her all the things he’d wished he could have heard during the hardest years of his life, I understand. You only wanted to do good and help people. You’re trying your hardest. You aren’t a monster, I know you aren’t a monster.
Despite that, he kept still. One hand remained on the table, his lingering intention that he’d denied. Zack glanced around, taking in the sights and smells, enjoying these comforts he hadn’t had in many, many years.
For the first time in forever, Zack Fair truly felt alive. Happy. Even peaceful. And he wanted that for Celes, too.
If it was up to me. I'd rewrite history, and change my destiny. One last time.
Use your own eyes, and see for yourself which side I'm on.
Zack told her not to apologize. Some part of her must have known he would because she wasn't surprised. Still, the reassurance twisted something deep in her stomach. It made her want to spit out something scathing and unfair: 'Why do you want to hear more about me? My life isn't interesting! It's-!'
But she didn't have the right word for it, not even in her head. Tragic? Painful? Confusing? More than anything, she didn't want the pity. She didn't want Zack to look at her and think that she had some strength that was worth admiration. He didn't know what she'd done. He didn't know what she'd let happen, and he didn't know what it had done to her. She wasn't strong -- not really -- and in the heat of the moment, she'd given up rather than face what the world had become. The world that she'd caused.
'Why did I stab him? Why did I attack Kefka? Why-?'
Zack leaned forward, that same easy grin plastered across his face. “It’s … kinda weird, but our stories share some similarities,” he said.
Celes ignored the tightening of her fists around the edge of her chair. She gave him a dry look with a doubtful raise of her eyebrow. "Really."
His shirt rustled as he moved, revealing shoulders that were thick, bulging, and scarred. The scars caught in the evening sun, glistening in their unnatural way. Celes tried to keep her eyes off them as he spoke, instead opting to meet his jarringly colored eyes. As odd as they were, they carried a certain warmth to them that didn't match their inhuman color. There was humanity there -- something familiar and yet altogether alien.
“I guess I should elaborate.”
He told her that he'd run off to the military at the age of fourteen. He'd been artificially enhanced in order to become a "hero" as he called it though she thought the idea was laughable. Celes knew that kind of environment all too well -- of child soldiers and delusional dreams -- but there hadn't been any helpful euphemisms in Vector. The soldiers there joined because they didn't have much of a choice. It was for the good of the empire, they'd said, and because everyone knew what happened to deserters. Celes crossed her arms and longed for the weight of her bracers as her hands met cloth sleeves. She felt exposed without them.
Zack straightened in his chair, rustling at the spikes of his hair before looking to the sky. When he spoke, his eyes had lost that strange hero's gleam. Instead, they spoke of something darker. More painful.
“It took years for me to realize what I had actually joined into,” he started, and Celes' eyebrows raised. “Turns out, my general was an experiment, raised within the company, to be the perfect soldier. It was the same for my mentor, and his best friend." Celes blinked. Experiment? Perfect soldiers? She didn't realize she'd leaned forward until her elbow caught the table. Her eyes beamed with interest. "They’d all been experimented on before they were even born, and had become..." Zack paused for a moment, eyes wary as he searched for the right word. "...Monsters."
Monsters.
Celes felt something drop in her stomach. She leaned back again, arms crossed, as Zack went on about having no choice but to kill his mentor. About how his general had gone mad and started razing towns. "Things weren’t uh … Well, they weren’t great," Zack said then laughed at his own obvious conclusion. Maybe he thought it all sounded ridiculous out loud. Maybe he was relieved to say it all.
Celes didn't laugh. She sat back in her chair with her fingers digging into her arms. Monsters. Well, she couldn't deny that really. She'd seen far worse come from Vector's labs than just a razed town. A razed castle, for instance. And a poisoned town and a race slaughtered for magic and the end of stable civilization. Would she have called Kefka a monster? Maybe, if someone caught her on a bad day. But she didn't like the connotation that she and him were the same. That they shared anything really other than the same job years ago. But she knew that wasn't true. She could just as easily have ended up like him if Cid's procedure had gone wrong, and she knew her own hands were hardly clean of blood.
How many towns had she subjugated? Had those people thought of her as a monster?
Did Zack?
“The company captured me and a friend, and experimented on us for four years before I was able to break us out of that hell."
The words were so unexpected that Celes' eyes snapped to Zack's, startled and uncertain. For the first time since he'd started talking, she was really listening. Captured. Experimented. Hell. Her stomach twisted with something cold. She wanted to say something helpful, but couldn't manage anything other than a dull, "Oh."
But Zack didn't seem bothered by it. If anything, he was almost casual as he continued. "My friend was in a coma, and after we’d managed to escape, the company sent the army after us. Seriously, who does that? I just wanted to go live my life.” And then he laughed. Just laughed as though there was some humor in all of this. Celes still couldn't quite meet his eye. She bit uncomfortably at the nail of her thumb.
She'd misjudged him. Maybe he was just as damaged as she was. Maybe he was just better at moving on.
“Sorry. That was a bit much," he said. He didn't seem bothered though. In fact, he was smiling. Even after everything he'd been through. Even after everything he'd said. “I’ve just, well, never really gotten to tell anyone about all of this before. Most people are nervous around someone like me -- for good reason, I suppose.” He reached for his water glass, casually grinning as though he hadn't said something terrible or even tragic.
'Most people are nervous around someone like me -- for good reason.'
Celes felt her throat tighten. She knew that feeling too well.
"Zack..." she tried, but the word was strangled on her lips. She took a slow breath, planning to add something else, but she couldn't think of anything better. Nothing could convey the mix of emotions that battled in her chest. Sympathy. Sadness. Frustration. Shame.
Why was she so weak?
"Zack," she tried again, and then said the only words that would come to her. "You're right." She laughed at them just a little -- a soft, sad laugh through a throat that wouldn't cooperate. She reached up to touch her lips. She was smiling, but only weakly. "That sounds familiar."
The thought hit her like a train. When had anyone's life sounded familiar to her? It was absurd. It was ridiculous. It was-
Why was her hand wet? She touched at her eye and stared at her glistening fingers. Tears. Her stomach twisted in horror even as the tears kept coming, slipping down her cheeks in streams. She cursed under her breath and wiped them furiously away. When had she become so emotional?
"Sorry," she said through her teeth. She took a few steadying breaths and ran a hand through her hair. The shampoo smell was nearly sickening. "I didn't mean..." Her throat rebelled against her and she cursed it. Another breath and she tried again. "I'm fine."
'Fine.' That wasn't something she'd been in a long time, and it certainly wasn't something she could call herself now. She scowled at the thought.
"I'm fine," she said again. "It's just what you said. It was...familiar." She glanced away. How many times had she embarrassed herself in front of Zack now? Was it every single time they'd met, or did it just feel that way?
She wiped at her eyes again. "That general. The one that went mad. He got power. A lot of it, and-" She paused. Why was she telling him this? She took another unsteady breath. "-And he used it to ruin the world."
Her fingers were twisting together. They felt cold where her nails dug into flesh. "A lot of people died," she said. "I was unconscious for about a year, and when I woke up-"
'No.'
Her heart lurched against it. The smell. Dried earth and plant decay. The sweet drip of poison over cracked ground. The wind -- harsh and stinging -- whipping through her hair as she stood on the edge of a cliff face, heart pounding, breath tight as water rushed to meet her and-
'That's enough.'
She put a hand over her mouth to steady her breath. The phantom smell made her sick, even when there was nothing around her but roasted coffee beans and meat. She closed her eyes and tried to slow the hammering of her heart. None of that mattered now. Not when she was here, sitting on a cold dining chair surrounded by deafening chatter and with Zack in front of her. Staring, probably. What was he thinking? She bit her tongue.
"Sorry," she said quietly. She touched at her eyes again. Dry. "But I think I understand what you meant." She ran a hand through her hair, glancing away to the cobblestone ground beneath them. "You don't make me nervous, Zack," she said, and then paused thoughtfully. "Well, not for what you are." Her cheeks heated quietly. What was wrong with her?
The sound of his name dragged him out of whatever thoughts he’d drifted into in the short span of a few seconds. His eyes changed targets, from a couple of sparrows that had been peeping and hopping along the patio bannister, back to Celes. She seemed conflicted, her shoulders tense once more, unreadable emotions in her slightly widened eyes, her lips apart with no words sneaking through. Zack’s expression fell quickly, a concerned frown tugging down the corners of his lips, his head falling slightly forward as he leaned in to hear the words she was struggling to say.
Looks like I shouldn’t have opened my big mouth.
Celes struggled with his name again, the words coming out tight and restricted. A sad smile crossed her face, and Fair felt his heart crack. She agreed with him, the words soft and sad, complementing all too well the distressed look in her eyes and the weak smile on her face. He felt his mouth open to say something -- anything really -- but no words came out. He shut his mouth as he struggled with what to say, an apology, an agreement, anything, but nothing would come.
But, as the tears spilled over Celes’ long lashes, the hesitation vanished. Zack quickly began doing his best to control the damage he’d caused.
“I’m sorry,” the words were blurted out, hard and strong, mixed in with Celes’ own apologizing as he scrambled to find something she could dry her tears with. Celes looked just as shocked about the tears as he did, which laced the entire situation with some relief at least. He leaned over, reaching blindly at the next, empty table beside them, remembering that there were cloth napkins with silverware rolled inside of them just sitting there. His hand wrapped around a set while he kept his eyes and ears attent on Celes, leaning back and carefully separating the cutlery from the cloth napkin.
Celes insisted she was fine, and for the moment, Zack cut the apologies from his tongue. He shut his mouth to listen, the cloth napkin clutched in his hand for the moment.
Apparently, what he’d said had been too familiar, from the sounds of it. Her general had gone mad too, and managed to ruin the entire world with the power he’d obtained. Sephiroth hadn’t gone that far, as far as Zack knew, but … perhaps, he could have. Unhinged and powerful as he was, he also had all the loyalty in the world and access to the biggest stockpile of weapons and troops mankind had to offer. Gaia may have followed a similar fate, if Sephiroth hadn’t been stopped in the Reactor that day.
What had Celes seen? A world, ruined by a madman’s power. From the way she cut off her own words, the silent horror in her eyes, the way the blood drained from her face; it had to be terrible. Worse than that.
No, it was likely the worst thing she’d ever witnessed.
"Sorry. But I think I understand what you meant."
A little too well, I think, the thought was loud in Zack’s head, but the words stayed silent on his tongue. On the upside, Celes had calmed down, and a small, warm smile returned to Fair’s face as he tried figuring out a way to save this little lunch date of theirs. Clearly, talking about their pasts too much was likely to send either of them, or maybe both of them, into hysterics. It all came back to what Celes had realized moments before, about how broken they were. They couldn’t even talk about the past without reliving it.
She wasn’t nervous about him being a killer super soldier, so that was a plus. But, Celes paused thoughtfully, her cheeks lighting red as a truth slipped between her lips.
"Well, not for what you are."
Zack couldn’t help but laugh, very lightly, at that.
“You don’t have to apologize. We’re damaged, remember?” Fair grinned with another chuckle, leaning forward and pressing the cloth napkin into one of Celes’ hands without a word as to why, “But, maybe we oughta change subjects for a little while. The past isn’t going anywhere, so we can talk about it later if we feel like torturing ourselves more.”
However, before he had the chance to make a suggestion as to what they could talk about, which was perhaps a godsend because knowing himself, he’d have picked something stupid like dogs, the waitress reappeared. She was bubbly and smiling, setting the plates down in front of the two before topping off their cups of water again. Though, as her eyes caught Celes’ face, she quickly shot a glare at Zack before trotting away, her heels clicking on the wooden deck of the patio.
Oh great. I bet she thinks I just broke up with my girlfriend.
The food was hot, and the smells from each plate were quick to waft up and cause Zack’s stomach to growl. It was a weird feeling, though, as he was simultaneously starving and too sick to eat all at once. Picking up a fork felt suddenly very foreign. What had he ordered again? Oh right, he just pointed to something on the menu. Fish, awesome, sounds good. What the heck kind of fish was that? Oh god, he was being too quiet.
“So, uh, do me a favor,” Zack shot off the words quickly with a nervous laugh, but a genuine smile on his face, “After the waitress murders me for making you cry, leave my mutilated corpse in a dignified position if you can.”
The Soldier shoved a piece of flaky fish in his mouth to shut him up a moment. Despite the tense knot in his stomach, the food was flavorful and delicious, and he knew he’d quickly be going back for more. The drive to feed his starving belly was more powerful than the awkward, clenching olympics his abs had been busy doing this entire time. Soldiers didn’t run on berries and dirt, after all.
His glowing eyes quickly found Celes again, his voice filled with humor despite the heavy atmosphere that had just been surrounding them mere moments ago, “She thinks I broke up with you, y’know.”
If it was up to me. I'd rewrite history, and change my destiny. One last time.
