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Post by Celes Chere on Jul 21, 2019 6:29:35 GMT -6
[attr="class","oneword1"]
[attr="class","fromyou1"]@arc
Celes is softer than she looks
Use your own eyes, and see for yourself which side I'm on.
Someone had made a mess of the marketplace.
Celes found the aftermath as she’d trailed past searching for a resupply of potions. Stalls were in disarray. Wood was splintered. People were cursing both under their breath and above it. Celes looked from the wreckage to the men before sighing.
From the sound of it, this wasn’t something she could ignore.
”What happened here?” she asked as she approached. Three men were busy cleaning up the ruins of their stall -- one setting the beams back in place, the other gathering their goods, and the last sweeping the dust and debris. The largest one eyed her coolly.
”None of your business,” he said as the one sweeping added, ”Some boy came bolting through here. Wrecked everything in his path. I think Mrs. Weathers is still cleaning up that barrel he split open.”
The man nodded down the street, and Celes followed his gaze to find a dumpy woman irritably picking out fish from a slimy pool of spilled water. Celes put a hand on her hip. ”This boy. Where did he go?”
”Planning to find him?” One of them picked up an apple and checked it for bruises. ”He looked more scared than anything.”
The larger of the three grunted as he hefted a wooden beam into place. ”Scared my ass, he’s a vandal, that’s what he is.” The beam shifted into a metal slot and he stepped back to admire his work. ”He had these long robes. A mage, looked like. Have you ever seen a mage running scared?”
The one polishing an apple hummed. The sweeping one nodded in silent agreement.
Celes put a hand on her hip. ”Which way did he go?” she asked again. The largest man grumbled something unpleasant before gesturing down the street.
”Out of the city, looks like. But why do you-?”
Celes was already walking. Her hand drifted to her hip and the sword that wasn’t there. Not that she’d need it if all went well.
It had been a week since she’d left the city and two since she’d fought anything at all. Instead, she’d chosen her civilian’s clothes (yellow jacket, black undershirt, hair half tied) and had taken to another job that Caius hadn’t wanted. The Dragonblades. She couldn’t have guessed how it would grow in only a few months. First it was only veteran mercenaries that had drifted to their door, but then Relm had come into their lives, and her flyers had brought in all kinds of bright-eyed, young swordsman looking to leave the city and make it on their own. And someone had to organize them.
”I’m a soldier, not a baby-sitter,” Celes muttered to no one in particular, but here she was, hunting down some lost boy because he’d sounded scared. Maybe he was another outlander. Maybe he was some local boy fleeing his mother. Either way, the wilds outside the city walls were dangerous, and if someone didn’t find him, some monster would. Apparently she’d chosen to be that someone.
What she wouldn’t do for a sword in her hand.
Finding him wasn’t hard. The boy had made quite the impression, and witnesses all claimed he was nearly hysterical as he’d scrambled past. He had, in fact, sprinted off the road and into the wilds. An idiot then. She hoped the men were right when they’d claimed he was a mage.
From there, she lost his trail. As her boots cracked over loose twigs, she wondered if someone else might have been able to track him. Gau, certainly, with his mastery of all things wild, and maybe Shadow too. Or his dog would anyway. Celes sighed, brushing her hair behind her ear. It was entirely possible that she’d simply lost him and wasted her time. The treetop canopy shifted overhead with a muted green light. Was it noon? If she didn’t hurry, Relm might worry, not to mention the other-
Her heel slipped. Celes let out a short yelp as she teetered forward, arms flailing wildly at her sides. After a moment that felt like hours, she managed to thrust herself back and right herself, panting heavily with the effort. A sink hole. Celes pursed her lips and edged closer. Gau wouldn’t have made her mistake. Or Shadow or just about anyone else when she thought about it. A single rough hole on its right side told her otherwise. She carefully tested her footing before peering down.
The bottom was shrouded in shadow, but she could make out some kind of figure sniffling inside. A not particularly tall figure shrouded in formless robes. The boy.
”Are you hurt?” she called down. An indistinct voice answered her, too echoed in the stony walls to hear clearly. Celes glanced around for anything she might use to haul him out, but there was nothing. After a moment, took a breath, steeled herself, and cast a spell.
Float.
She muttered the word, and she felt the weightless turn of her stomach that told her it had worked. When her feet dangled a few inches off the ground, she inched to the edge, tightened her jaw, and jumped straight down.
The fall was terrible. Her trajectory was straight enough not to scrape the sides, but her spell did nothing to slow her. It wasn’t until she reached the bottom that she felt its push against her feet. Her knees buckled from the force and she toppled over onto her palms. It didn’t hurt. At least not much as she hovered several inches above the ground (hard, broken stone -- where was she?) and finally managed to breathe. In a moment, she’d straightened enough to dispel her magic. Her knees crashed into the stone and she winced, cursing herself, the stone, and whatever stroke of fate that had brought her here. Scrapes. Bruises. Celes grit her teeth and pushed herself to her feet.
She’d had worse.
”Are you hurt?” she asked again as she brushed her clothes and pushed her hair behind her. She’d have quite the time untangling it later. ”I’m here to help. If there’s a way out of here…” She trailed off as a tunnel caught her eye. It was dark and damp and drowned in shadow, but it was better than trying to climb out of this death trap. ”Well that’ll do it.”
Use your own eyes, and see for yourself which side I'm on.
Relm had changed everything. Celes knew it as she strode down the street, her heels clicking with every step. Of course, anyone would have changed her. Edgar, Sabin, Setzer, Terra. But this was different. Before Relm, she was on her own free to run to the ends of the earth if she wanted to and the only person she’d have hurt was herself. With Relm however…
Celes glanced to her. It was obvious that girl was trying to help. No matter what she did, she always had that look in her eye. Was that why Celes had defended her so fiercely? Celes had already made too many mistakes with her to count, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t try too. They weren’t a perfect match by any means, but that effort was worth more than words could say.
It didn’t take long to reach the stables, and as Celes had expected, Caius was there waiting for them. Celes stopped at the sight of him, steadying herself. His words had been harsh to say the least and hers had been harsher. She didn’t know what she thought of him at the moment, but she knew that it buzzed inside her like irritable bees. She shoved her hair behind her ear and continued forward without really looking at him.
Not right now. She couldn’t handle him now.
”All set if you guys are.”
”Then let’s not waste time.”
”Celes?”
Celes paused with her hand on the chocobo’s flank. Of course he wanted to talk. Hadn’t she expected that too? Still, she felt a flash of irritation cross her eyes before she closed them, taking a deep breath through her nose. She turned to face him. ”Yes?”
He gestured for them to step aside. She looked to Relm and then to him. Not in front of the child, hm? Well that was just fine by her. ”We’ll be back,” she said, following him with her eyes set forward and her shoulders straight. Whatever he was about to spew, she had no doubt it wouldn’t make the best impression in front of Relm.
Once they were alone, Celes crossed her arms and set him with a hard look. She wasn’t sure if it was her aura or his own emotions that did it, but he spoke fast and loose and without much direction. Classic Caius, really. It was an apology, and as soon as he mentioned his own fears, she felt her lips purse. No, she wouldn’t relent because of that. Caius couldn’t make himself vulnerable and expect her to forgive him all at once. That was…
Working, wasn’t it? Damn it all.
”Caius…” Celes sighed. What was she supposed to say? ”Fine,” she said. ”Fine. I knew it wasn’t like you. I told Relm as much. You just…” Celes shoved her hair behind her ear, harder this time. She’d known all of this, hadn’t she? So then why did she still feel like shouting?
”It was exactly the wrong thing to say,” she decided before pausing. When she said it like that, it sounded so… ”This is silly, isn’t it?”
She laughed. It was weak, but it was something. ”I think Relm has me all twisted up in knots. You know, it’s been easy with you. To pretend I’ve never been anywhere else. But with her here…” She bit her tongue. Was that how she really felt? It must have been or she wouldn’t have said it. ”Relm’s been wonderful, really, and I wouldn’t ask for anything else, but…” Her stomach twisted. This wasn’t fair to Relm -- to anyone, really. Was she really such a terrible person?
”Oh nevermind.” Celes let out a short breath. ”Let’s just get on the damn birds.” She couldn’t help a small smile as she glanced to him. It was almost like a joke. Enough talking, we both want a sword in our hands.
She shook her head before starting towards the stable again. She nodded to Relm as they approached. ”Don’t worry about a test,” she said. ”We’ll be helping him and that’s all there is to it.” She pulled herself onto the chocobo and only then did she exchange a secretive smile with Relm. ”I think he’ll need it.”
”Well, Caius?” She grabbed for the reigns and smirked at him teasingly. ”Don’t keep us waiting too long.”
Use your own eyes, and see for yourself which side I'm on.
”Do you remember when you, Locke, Mr. Leo, and the others came to Thamasa?”
Celes blinked and turned to face her. ”Thamasa?” Celes felt something sink within her. How could she have forgotten? That town had been the beginning of the end.
’Espers fell, people fell, Mr. Leo…’ Celes touched at her lip. It flashed there bright with heat. The espers raging above in blinding neon. Kefka slaughtering them until their magicite showered him like rain. And then Leo…
A familiar panic bubbled behind her throat. It had been her fault, all her fault. Why had she ever trusted them? After all they’d done? After all she’d seen? Why had her spirits lifted as the emperor had stopped outside her prison cell? Why had she latched onto his sweet lies like a child? If she hadn’t believed them… If she’d chosen death instead…
Nausea touched at her lips. She repressed the urge to run.
"It's obvious isn't it, Celes?” Relm. Something beamed in her that cut through the panic if only for a moment. Something warm and as dependable as the sunrise. ”I don't want people to hurt.”
Celes stared at her. Helping people. It was all so simple, but hearing it from Relm when she had that look in her eye…
Celes laughed. Heat rose to her cheeks as she shook her head. ”You’re right,” she said. Funny she had to be told by a child. ”Helping people. I hadn’t thought…” And she laughed again. It was weak, but it was something.
Celes had made a mistake -- the worst mistake of her life -- but that left her nothing now but a debt to pay. Both of them had seen enough tragedy to last several lifetimes. Could she blame Relm for wanting to prevent even more?
”You’re strong,” she said. ”Even when I’m being silly, you…” Celes sighed. It had always been her faltering, hadn’t it? Some guardian she was.
Celes hesitated, uncertain, before she reached out and put a hand on Relm’s shoulder. She tried for a smile though she was almost certain it hadn’t come out right. ”I trust you,” she said. It wasn’t much, but any better words had long abandoned her. She hoped it got the message across.
”Well then. I wouldn’t want to keep Caius waiting.” Celes straightened and brushed her hair to the side. ”I swear he’s not usually like that. He must be the king of putting his foot in his mouth.” She glanced at Relm and smiled faintly. Perhaps it was wrong not to shelter her for the child she was, but it was impossible to keep her down. Her eyes burned with a passion far beyond her years.
Use your own eyes, and see for yourself which side I'm on.
Celes cast Relm a small smile. She was as eager as always. Maybe too eager given the circumstances, but that couldn’t be helped. War had damaged her. The world they’d left behind had damaged her, and yet she still held her head high with a kind of childlike fervor that scoffed in the face of tragedy. She had the spirit of a rebel and that more than anything had made her more than welcome in the ranks of the Returners.
Caius did not seem to share her view.
He wasn’t harsh with her -- only realistic. He knelt down with a somber eye and looked at her straight on as both a child and his equal. Celes quieted and watched. What he said wasn’t wrong. The Dragonblades weren’t something to be taken lightly and there was a certain responsibility to carry along with the inherent danger. A bad move would hurt their reputation. It felt almost callous to say, and Celes felt her eyes sharpen on Caius for even suggesting it. A life lost was consequence enough without taking reputation into it, and even so, it seemed an odd thing to mention to a child.
Perform well or it will embarrass us all? They weren’t fighting to bolster their popularity.
”She’s faced worse pressure before.” Celes’ voice dropped. Her eyes went even. ”A mistake here and we might lose money. A mistake there and we’d have lost our lives. He twisted together monsters that could have slaughtered five dozen bandits in a quarter hour. At least now she has the choice.” Celes put a hand on Relm’s shoulder and glanced at Caius. ”We’ll meet you at the stables.”
Her heels clicked across the tiles as she reached the inn’s entrance. She didn’t say anything until they were out the door and nearly a block away. ”Relm.” Her step slowed to a stop.
What was wrong with her? Caius hadn’t meant anything by it, and Relm hadn’t complained. In fact, Celes had likely done more to upset her than Caius ever could, and yet she’d done it anyway. She should have felt guilt, but it never came. She couldn’t feel much of anything at the moment.
”Is this something that you want to do? You could get away from that life, grow up, become a painter.” Celes gave a dry smirk. If she’d had the choice, would she have taken it? This was all she knew. ”It’s over now. Everything. You don’t have to fight anymore.”
Use your own eyes, and see for yourself which side I'm on.
Relm was enthusiastic as always. Celes had almost forgotten her fighting spirit, and it made her stifle a laugh even as she wanted to smack a hand against her forehead. She wasn’t exactly making the best case for her maturity. If Caius noticed, he didn’t seem to mind though. Instead, he mused on exactly how to test her. Celes let out a breath she hadn’t realized she’d been holding. If Caius was thinking it through then it meant he would at least consider her, and Celes had more riding on this decision than she’d ever let on.
Relm may have been a child, but she was familiar. Dependable. Though she’d never admit it, she longed to have the girl fight by her side.
Caius’ plan certainly was well thought out. If it was up to Celes, she would have just set the girl lose on some monsters and been done with it, but Caius was more discerning than that. Celes crossed her arms and listened, nodding whenever he said anything particularly of interest. Once he’d finished, she hummed her agreement.
”Of course she can. It’s not like she hasn’t fought humans before. The world we left was crawling with bandits, and then there were those cultists. Even before that, we were in the middle of a war -- or something like it. She fought the empire at least.” Saying it outloud made it sound worse than it was for a child her age, but the first two were unavoidable. It was simply the world they’d lived in. If Relm hadn’t been capable of defending herself, Celes shuddered to think what might have happened to her.
Celes glanced at Relm a little too sternly. All this talk of testing had her feeling like a general all over again. ”I want you to stay behind me and focus mostly on magic. I’ll cover you. Without a sword, you’ll be an easy target.” Celes paused. Had Celes ever commanded Relm before? They hadn’t often fought together. Well, there was a first for everything.
”That’s that then. If you know where we’re going then there’s no use wasting time.”
Use your own eyes, and see for yourself which side I'm on.
”Nurturing type or not, you have a bigger heart than you give yourself credit for.”
”Huh?” Celes blinked her surprise. A big heart. That certainly wasn’t something she’d ever though someone to associate her with. She’d been known far more commonly as a hardass, an ice queen, or more recently, a traitor. Even among the Returners, her reputation hadn’t exactly been warm. If Edgar had told her to lighten up one more time, she might have pulled a sword on him.
”I don’t really.” When had she ever been driven by her heart? When she’d objected to Kefka slaughtered hundreds? When she’d gone pining over Locke at the world’s end? When she’d berated Caius and driven off just about everyone else? She gave him a doubtful look. ”But if you say so.”
Caius must have been wrong. Terra had always been the caring type, but her? No. She simply didn’t know how.
”Better than you?” Celes laughed in disbelief. ”Now you’re making fun of me!” Still, she couldn’t help but smile. At least Caius wasn’t taking this seriously. ”A dragon is nothing like a sword and you very well know it!”
She shook her head. One of the best at those he’d ever met? That was a compliment she could take. ”I’m hopeless,” she said. ”You’ll have to write that book. I won’t stand a chance without it.” Or he’d have to leave her a manual at least. It simply sounded more exciting to suggest the latter.
”Well. I don’t think I’ll do much good out here. I might start heading back. I heard some of the new recruits talking about a job they planned to take. From the sound of it, I might need to chaperone them.” Celes glanced at Caius before pushing her hair behind her ear. The afternoon had been nice. Memorable, she supposed, in its complete lack of importance, but in the end, that kind of quiet life simply wasn’t meant for her. Maybe someday. Somehow she doubted she’d ever deserve it.
”I’m glad you invited me out here. I’ll have to try again with Vordun sometime.” She glanced to the dragon. It had settled in the grass, chin on its paws. ”I’ll see you back in the city.”
Use your own eyes, and see for yourself which side I'm on.
”You sing opera?”
Celes froze. Was that what she’d implied? She supposed so, but that didn’t make it any less mortifying. ”Oh...well…” The memory crashed into her like waves into a cliff. The heavy lights. The shadowed form of a faceless crowd. Her heart pounding in her ears as her lines jumbled together and why had she agreed to this, oh god, were the others watching why were there so many eyes on her?”It was only because were desperate! It wasn’t like I wanted to!”
And then she’d played the damsel in distress. The whole experience left her sick with shame.
Still, Celes wasn’t entirely certain she liked the new shift in conversation any better. Caius gave her exactly what she’d asked for and then some, talking so fast and so much that Celes could do nothing but stare at him.
She was supposed to feed him, but not too much? She was supposed to let him hunt for himself, but if she did it wrong he’d burn the forest down? And the commands, what were they again?
There were so many points that she couldn’t possibly remember them all, and she wouldn’t remember a single one of them if her fluttering heart had anything to say about it. It was like her worry had formed a blockade between her ears and her brain, and each half-understood lesson only made it thicker. By the end, she wanted nothing more than to spew her questions out like vomit, voice squeaking higher every second.
This was exactly why she hated animals.
”A book.” Celes laughed weakly. ”I think I might need one. I’ll never remember all of this on my own.” She glanced back to Vordun. The dragon watched her like the enigma it was. ”It wouldn’t hurt to teach someone else too. I don't think I'm the best one for it.”
Celes glanced to him and offered a weak smile. ”I think it’s sweet though. How you dote on him.”Inadvisable, but sweet. She gave a short laugh. ”I’d have sooner left him in the cold. I’m not really the nurturing type to tell the truth.”
As though that wasn’t obvious. She wondered if she should have felt guilt for it as a woman. Then she berated herself for even thinking it. If anyone else had said it, she’d have smacked them upside the head. Stupid. She was a soldier, not a mother.
”This feels like learning to use a sword all over again. I have no idea what I’m doing.”
Use your own eyes, and see for yourself which side I'm on.
Celes suddenly felt as though she was in training all over again. Running drills, practicing her sword strokes, flushing every time her senior admonished her. It wasn’t a feeling she’d been particularly keen on revisiting, but she’d been the one to ask for it, and hadn’t it all turned out for the better.
Well no, actually. If she’d had the choice, she’d rather have minded her own business and stayed out of Vector entirely, but that was a different matter altogether
”Short and clear.” Celes took a breath and did her best to pretend she wasn’t stiff as a board. She’d never been one for animals, in truth. A trained chocobo was about as far as she went with them, and they’d never really been fond of her either. She didn’t know what it was about them. Their beady eyes? That lack of real understanding? The way they always seemed to want to touch her? She was much far comfortable running a blade through a hostile monster than she was even in petting a cat. A sword she knew how to handle. An animal? Not so much.
So as the dragon watched them with only a beast’s comprehension, she couldn’t help but stare at it. One word commands? But which words? Which commands? Didn’t they have to be trained to specific ones and what happened if she chose wrong? Would it attack or, far worse, nuzzle up to her? She wasn’t sure of anything except that she’d rather be doing anything else.
"Wait, you said learning how he works in case I have to leave him. Did you mean in combat, or... Did you mean just taking care of him?"
”Ah?” Celes bit her tongue. She hadn’t thought that far. ”Well. Both, I guess. You can’t take him everywhere, and someone has to know how to do it. If he’s trained, I want to know how to keep him in line, and if you’re gone for too long…” Her stomach rolled. What would happen if he got hurt or worse? Would the dragon fall to her? The image flashed before her -- a well of grief, denial, her hand over her mouth in horror, and then...the dragon. Watching her. What would she do with it then? She couldn’t let it go -- not when Caius cared for it so much -- but if it wouldn’t leave on its own…
”It’s not a bad idea that I know how to handle him.” Celes glanced towards Vordun and its gleaming black eyes. It looked...happy? Or was that just her mind playing tricks on her? ”I want to learn though I’ll warn you, I’m about as much good with pets as I am at singing opera. I don’t think I could keep a houseplant alive.”
Use your own eyes, and see for yourself which side I'm on.
”I'm sure they miss you. I really do.”
Celes glanced away, smiling wryly. Not long ago, she would have agreed. Once she’d found herself lost here, she’d been frantic to return, wondering as to the others and what they might think. But now? She’d never really known friendship before -- never really known a place to belong. She’d known kindness, she supposed, in its most base form, but not the way she’d experienced with Zack or Caius. These were men who’d cared for her more than just as a general or a fighter or a woman or some stand-in for what had been lost. Perhaps the circumstances had simply been too dire to make such connections. Maybe she’d been too cold to draw herself so close to anyone.
Regardless, the time had given her a new sense of clarity. None of the friends she’d fought so hard for had chosen her path without coercion, and nearly none of them had cared much for her unexpected survival. They had been allies -- hardly anything more. She’d simply been too starved of love to notice.
Caius agreed with her in his own unfiltered way. He’d taken to his previous position purely as a practical matter. He’d made only the most tenuous of friendships, and in the end they’d meant next to nothing. Perhaps that was why she’d connected to him so well. They’d both experienced trauma, both struggled to survive in a world long dead, and now they’d been gifted a chance at life neither had ever known. She wouldn’t give it up for anything.
”Sidetracked. Well I guess there’s time for it now.” She laughed weakly to herself. ”I’m still not used to having it -- time, I mean. I have no idea what to do with myself.”
Maybe that was why she’d turned so introspective now. Without that constant rush of battle and anxiety, she’d finally had time to think. She wasn’t particularly sure that she liked the thoughts.
She glanced to the side. Apparently Vordun had tired of frolicking in the grass and now crept towards them, snout extended curiously. Celes couldn’t help a quiet laugh. Perhaps there wasn’t so much danger in lowering her guard now. Perhaps she didn’t have to fear what she’d inevitably lose.
”Well, if I’m not working, I might as well do something useful while I’m here.” Celes pushed herself to her feet and considered the dragon carefully. ”I guess it wouldn’t be terrible to learn how your dragon works in case you ever have to leave him. I’m willing to learn if you’re willing to teach.”
Use your own eyes, and see for yourself which side I'm on.
Caius sat beside her in the grass. She still couldn’t explain her odd change of mood. Perhaps it was the warmth of the afternoon or her own strange peace in it. It led to thoughts, and those thoughts led to feelings. For once, Celes didn’t feel particularly ashamed of them. For once, Celes could simply be.
Caius empathized like she knew he would. He spoke of his mixed feelings being lost here, of the people and the wasted place he'd left behind. Celes wrapped her arms loosely around her knees and watched the horizon. What a strange place this was. Somewhere quiet and slow and warm. Celes hadn’t known what to do with it at first. She’d always moved forward. Always budgeted her time wisely. Always had a plan or a mission to enact, and she’d never had the luxury of rest. Was this what life was like for civilians? For people like Locke or Relm or Strago? She couldn’t imagine it.
She laughed humorlessly at Caius’ assurances. What goal could they achieve? Killing a god of magic? Reviving a dead world? Or was it simply to survive? No matter which he meant, she had her doubts they’d managed any of it.
”They did fine without me,” she said, shifting her boots in the damp earth. ”For two years. I’m sure they’ve gone back to where I found them. If they didn’t mind losing me once, they won’t mind again.” She smiled wryly. The wind blew hot and humid through her hair.
”The longer I’m here the more I find I just don’t care. About them. About the world I left behind. None of it matters much, and maybe it never did.” She looked at off before pausing and glancing at Caius, sheepish again. ”I don’t know where this is coming from. Something about the quiet, I guess.” Why was she saying this? It was funny what managed to find a way out of her mouth. At least it would have been if she hadn’t been the one to deal with the consequences.
”Well. I guess there’s no point thinking about it. We have the Dragonblades now and your dragon and…” Celes bit her tongue. ”Oh, can we just forget I said anything at all? I’m all wrong-headed.”
