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year 5, quarter 3
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With the last of the cats stuffed away for the moment, Alex took a moment to look at himself. He had been quite grateful that he'd actually been wearing his armor for all of this. Otherwise he imagined he'd probably have plenty of scratch marks all over him. Something he'd... quite like to avoid. Those always stung when you cleaned them. Still, his eyes narrowed at just the sheer amount of cat hair that now adorned him. He really, really hoped that if Prompto was gonna make it a habit of taking care of these cats, that he'd at least make sure to keep them groomed so they didn't shed everywhere. He'd go change first, then come out. Yeah, that made sense, as he made his way to his room, at least for a little bit. The cats were taken care of, and Alex, well, he wasn't entirely hiding per se. Just... staying out of Matoya's way while he got into something a bit more comfortable; the red sweather, the suspenders, ah it was always just something comfortable. Plus who knows, it brought him good luck the last time he wore it, maybe it would this time as well. Go out after this, get some espresso, maybe he'd run into the blonde homewrecker.
Patting his chest, he smiles when he was dragged away from his bliss by the sound of an old witch. He turned his head to the source. Matoya couldn't do anything like this? What in the world could stymie the masterful mage so? Well, that was an easy answer to be honest, if it was her temper, at least. But he didn't pick up her fury. Was he misreading it? There was a pause as he thought it over before coming to a conclusion and calling out "He's giving you that look, isn't he? That's just how he usually is!" Yep, lost puppy, that was pretty much Prompto's default expression. He'd gotten used to it before with Ryne, but having two youngsters that just looked like that all the time was, well, difficult. At least the two of them hadn't really met yet, and neither of them had gotten the idea to combine their dastardly powers to get all the gil they could out of Alexander, and for that, he was grateful.
Grumbling slightly to himself when she just went and marked up her prices, witch, he made himself presentable at least. He stepped out back into the group, his vanishing act at an end. Crossing his arms, he huffed slightly. "Joke's on you, I'd just do it if you asked." While, yes, getting something out of it was always appreciated, if Matoya ever really needed something, he wouldn't argue or haggle, he'd just go get the damn thing. He looked around, what was it she needed? A table? Well, that was easy enough, probably a place to set the Eye down and all that. Alex rushed out front momentarily, grabbing the edges of a table and dragging it on over, the wood scraping against the floor. Thank the Twelve it wasn't that large of a table, at least. It'd take him a few more moments, but he'd follow it up with a couple chairs. Prompto and Matoya were free to sit, he didn't mind standing.
[attr=class,lyric1]gonna keep on keeping on the only
[attr=class,lyric2]way i know how
[attr=class,bulk] ”Alex, I cannot help him like this.”
”Huh?”
The old lady looked fed up. Her eyes, he thought, looked a little like an angry lamia about to turn him to stone. It was the kind of look that instantly made Prompto feel sheepish, and like he’d done something very wrong.
He bit his tongue and shifted his weight onto his other ankle, glancing away so she wouldn’t see the wave of emotion that hit him all at once the way it always did. It was like disappointment, shame, and something else probably, but more than that, it was just a lot, and it strangled in his throat even though he told it he wasn’t going to feel anything right now, thanks, and he definitely wasn’t about to cry. That was for kids. He’d cried a lot when he was a kid, usually when he was hit with a wall of shame just like this. When somebody looked at him with that face that said, ’I’m not angry, just disappointed.’
’Really, really disappointed.’
She turned away with a huff. ”Where’s the table?” she growled. ”It’s easier to show you.”
”What? But I thought you said…?” Hadn’t she said that she wasn’t going to help him? Or did showing him not count as helping him? Must’ve just been so he wouldn’t keep asking questions, he decided. She probably just wanted to get his curiosity out of the way so he wouldn’t bother her about it, and then she’d go on her way. Because she could’ve helped him, but now he’d bungled it all up.
She could have found Noctis.
She still could.
Prompto jerked upright at attention. ”Oh! Oh, yeah! We’ve got tables! I’ll show you…” He shook his head and hopped in front of her, walking as he talked. ”Alex didn’t tell me anything, but I’m a fast learner! I’ll show you! Whatever it is, I can do it! Promise!”
Alex had tried to get him a chance, and Prompto'd ruined it -- first with the cats and now by running his dumb mouth. He’d get on the floor and beg her if he had to. He’d get her anything she needed.
Anything for Noctis.
They came into the front room which was a lot nicer than when Prompto had found it, but was still cluttered with stuff he hadn’t known what to do with and hadn’t wanted to thrown away without Alex around to ask. While Alex was gone, he’d unpacked all the crates that had been crammed together in here, and he’d moved most of them into the back with the cats. Now there were a lot of tables and chairs and some weird looking vases that Prompto hadn’t known what to do with so he’d put them on the tables with some scraggly flowers he’d found outside. The flowers looked more weed-like than flower-like, but they were a pretty kind of weed so Prompto had plucked them anyway. It gave the room character, he thought. And what really defined a weed, anyway, except that it was something no one wanted?
Prompto pulled out a chair for the old lady, giving her a sheepish look, and then he heard Alex’s voice coming from somewhere down the hallway. ”He’s giving you that look, isn’t he? That’s just how he usually is!”
”Look?” Prompto frowned. ”What look?”
Alex joined them a second later, dressed in a red shirt and suspenders. Had he changed clothes? Was that what he’d been doing instead of introducing them? Prompto didn’t get mad easy -- he really didn’t -- but he felt something prickly now as he slumped back into a chair across from Matoya, arms and legs crossed.
”You know, maybe this would have gone easier if you’d told me what’s going on,” he said. His boot tapped against the floor. His finger tapped against his arm. He felt all fidgety, but he tried to sit still. He didn’t like conflict. Not really.
”Er, yeah…” He looked between the two of them and then sighed. ”So...what’s going on?”
Prompto energetically bound forward, eager to prove her otherwise. He had spirit, she would give him that. She could see all manner of emotions go across his face. She would not apologize for her harsh words for she needed to see what he would do under pressure. Did he have a spine or was he simply pudding? [break][break] Matoya scowled and didn’t respond to the puppy eyes question bequeathed by Alex. No. She hesitated to show Prompto not because she was angry. He was simply not knowledgeable in what needed to be done, nor did he show the fortitude that was needed to do it. Allowing him to attempt something dangerous without any basic knowledge seemed reckless, if not suicidal. Though the old woman was a grump, she did not needlessly take lives. She usually dolled out quests she knew someone could handle, even if they broke a sweat doing it. [break][break] “One day, that tongue of yours will be snatched and fed to the crows.” She said in crude humor to Alex, a hint of a smile on her face at his sass. She raised a brow at his change of clothes, but he probably needed it after dealing with the savage beasties. The table and chairs were laid before her by Alex and Prompto. She removed a purple velvet pillow from her robes and set it nearly down on the table. Then, she reached atop her staff and removed the translucent orb from it. [break][break] Gently, meticulously, and oh so lovingly, she set down her prized possession on the table. She only allowed its use within her sight. A gnarled hand was waved over it. The magical seals and locks lifted in bright sigils before bursting like fireworks just above it. She stared at it fondly, as Prompto gave Alex a piece of his mind. Good. Perhaps, the boy did have a little bit of bark in him. [break][break] “This is the crystal eye.” She gestured towards the orb on the table as she took the seat Prompto offered her politely. She hated explaining herself, but she gruffed through it. “Think of it like a magnifying glass, but for threads of magic.” [break][break] [break][break] She glared at Alex for a moment, before turning her gaze back to Prompto. “I don’t typically make HOUSE CALLS…” She let that sit in the air for a moment. “However, Alex has begged my assistance in finding these friends of yours...among some other errands.” Her eyes darted to Alex peering up at him from under hat. “I’ve known him long enough to know most of his requests are not unreasonable and are with good intent.” So, she was agreeing to assist. After all, he had done quite a bit of good in the world, even if he was an eccentric. [break][break] She turned back to Prompto and got serious. “Now my services usually come with a price of my determination.” Equivalent exchange, generally. Typically to replenish her own stores or something practical. “Generally, the aether…” He didn’t know what that was. She felt a headache. “...that’s the essence of life and magic. It binds us all together…” Was that simple enough? She didn’t care. She could talk all day about how the aether could be categorized into six elements and separated on two polarities - the astral and the umbral… [break][break] “The aether can be searched for specific people, if one knows what to look for.” Disturbances in the aether could be detected. And each person had their own unique signature. However, she only knew a few were skilled in such a search. [break][break] “Based on your responses, I suspect you do not know how to search the aether itself. But perhaps…” [break][break] She gave it a little thought, as the silence fell. She studied Prompto. Or rather looked through him, studying his own aetheric field and feeling it out. It was unlike what she was used to. Finally she spoke, “There is magic in you that’s not wholly your own.” She said definitely. “Do you know its source? Or perhaps know of a magical bond shared between your friends?” [break][break] She turned to Alex, “Do you have some tea? If not, have the Poroggo featch some.”
[attr=class,lyric1]gonna keep on keeping on the only
[attr=class,lyric2]way i know how
[attr=class,bulk] Matoya snapped something grumpy at Alex then pulled out a full pillow from somewhere in her robes. Prompto didn’t know how she’d been carrying something like that without anyone noticing, but if he had to guess, he’d have said ’Magic.’ Or a special-made pillow holder which he kind of had to respect. Either way, it was old and velvet and looked like the kind of thing a fortune-teller would use which just got him more excited when she twisted the glass sphere off her staff and set it in the center.
”Woh…” Prompto blinked and looked between her and the orb to wait for some kind of warning to stay away. When it didn’t come, he grinned and scrambled forward, eyeing it about as close as he could without touching it. She waved a hand and it burst with a bunch of light like tiny fireworks. Prompto laughed. ”That’s your eye? Yeah, that makes way more sense than what I was thinking.”
He didn’t know what she meant about magnifying glasses and magic threads, but she’d taken a seat now and didn’t look like she was about to yell at him again. He carefully picked up the vase of flower-weeds and set them on the ground so she had more space on the table.
He had the feeling things were about to get interesting.
”Alex went looking for you because of me?” Prompto blinked and looked over at Alex for confirmation. ”Wow, that’s…”Super nice. He didn’t say it like that though because that felt weird to say out loud. So instead, he said, ”You didn’t have to. I mean, you’ve already helped me out a lot.” And Prompto hadn’t been anything to him but trouble. He wished Alex would let him out on some hunts soon. He wanted to pay him back -- ASAP.
She went on about something called aether which sounded like a cool way of saying magic, and Prompto listened, shaking his head and sheepishly saying, ”Sorry,” when she guessed correctly that he didn’t know much about it. She trailed off thoughtfully, and Prompto shifted, trying not to fidget in the silence.
The old woman raised her gaze, looking at him so hard that he felt the hair on the back of his neck prickle. It felt like he wasn’t just being looked at, but looked through, deep down to his core. After a long moment, she nodded decisively.
”There is magic in you that’s not wholly your own,” she said. ”Do you know its source? Or perhaps know of a magical bond shared between your friends?”
”H-huh? How’d you know about that?” Prompto blinked in surprise. ”You saw that just by looking at me?”
Holy…
”Yeah! Yeah, that’s right! It’s Noct’s magic. I mean, he’s the only that can do magic since he’s a king and all, but I got it from him! I’m part of his Crownsguard which, uh, probably doesn’t mean anything to you, but that means we get his magic. So we can do stuff like this!” Prompto waved his hand and summoned his pistol to it with a flash of light and an expert flick of his wrist. He twirled the pistol between his fingers then banished it again in another flash of blue.
”I guess, that’s why I think he’s gotta be here, or at least be around, you know? I can feel it. And...I guess if you’re trying to find a magic thread, it’ll lead you right to him. Right? Then the other Crowsguard, Gladio and Ignis, they’ve both got it too so...that’d be another thread. I think.”
Prompto looked up at her, eyes wide and hopeful. ”Could you really do it? Find them, I mean?”
Dear Thaliak. What did he think her crystal eye was? She didn’t bother to ask as she now corrected his misconception. She cautiously eyed him as he scrambled to lean forward at it. She could not blame him. It was a crystal of light. It was made back in the years when the crystal’s power was at its peak strength. Very few have beheld such an artifact. [break][break] She was relieved when Prompto had enough sense to not take hold of the crystal. Though, his sudden movement bumped the table. The crystal wobbled, but she was quick to steady it more securely on the pillow. She gave him a cautionary glance, a warning to be a little more mindful. [break][break] Well, her house call didn’t quite happen that way. She came here out of curiosity of the name. That’s when she discovered the place was a trash pile that needed tons of work. Alex simply entreated her before she could even turn to leave. However, it wasn’t her place to ruin such a heartfelt moment. [break][break] She felt a bit of pride in her that he was surprised at her talents. She studied the aether all her life, and she was quite proud to share her talents to those who appreciated her knowledge. “Yes. You have your own aetheric signature. But there’s another, smaller thread woven into it. I have only seen it when the Crystal has bequeathed the echo to others.” It was not typically something she saw. Sort of like a ribbon strung through a double helix. But she had seen it before in her world. [break][break] So, the young man was part of a Crownsguard that received magic from the king. This king must act like a reservoir to be able to plant such abilities in others. She winced at the sight of guns and remarked, “Careful with those or you’ll shoot your eye out.” It was interesting. Perhaps his abilities were not so different from those on Hydaelyn. [break][break] Though she gave a slight shake of her head and a frown at how he thought this process was for her to find them. “You are right. This magic interweaves you with the others. It is a unique signature that can be traced through the aether. However, it is not for ME to find. I can only open the way for you and amplify the senses using my eye. The rest will be up to you. The question is, can YOU brave the aetheric noise and find them.” [break][break] She rested back in her chair and heaved a sigh. Her hat fell over her eyes as she did so. “Do you understand the magic in you to sense it? Sense it enough to pull yourself towards them? The aether is filled with much noise, which can distract you - memories, astral beings, elementals, impressions of others… If that happens, who knows where your essence could end up on this planet.” She gave a rough awakening. She would not hide the gruesome details of what could go wrong. He could end up in a rock or stuck between planes. She could not do it herself because she did not have that magical thread to tug. “You must stay focused on your task and nothing else.” “If you believe you are ready, I will open the way for you now and guide you through the beginning processes.” But only if he was ready. This had to be his decision.
The Adventurer looked at Prompto and eased away at the remark of maybe being a little more... informative. Was he being that obtuse? He blinked a couple of times, choosing to keep his silence lest he make it worse. It was only when Matoya really made him look good that he finally spoke up again. He confirmed Prompto's remarks as Alex cleared his throat awkwardly. Yeah, he had asked for help for Prompto. It's just... you know, Cassandra would have probably had a very diplomatic and pleasing response. Then again, Prompto probably would have found Cassandra rather pleasant to begin with. Most everyone did, really. There was a very good reason she had been the party face back in their world. "Well, yeah, why wouldn't I help?" He looked away, scratching his neck. Instead, he simply stayed quiet again as he let Matoya explain the Eye, she was the expert, after all.
At least until she brought up the Echo, then his brows perked. Wait, no, that wasn't how the Echo worked. Gift from the Mother--Right, she hadn't been to the First. She hadn't seen Elidibus' tomfoolery. Jeez that had been a disaster, but illuminating nonetheless. He just... really hoped the Emissary didn't show up here. A Primal formed from thoughts and prayers of heroes across the Rift? He'd be unstoppable here. "Oh yeah, that's right, you weren't there for... hrm." In fairness, it was the dominant theory for a reason; it was the only one that made sense with what information was available at the time. "So uh, in some adventures, I found out some things about the Echo you might want to hear later." He gave a thumbs up. She liked new knowledge, right? If nothing else, it might keep her interested for a moment. Something to talk about later.
Maybe though, change the subject, and shut up, as he stepped away quietly when Prompto brought the guns out. Still, shutting up, or changing the subject, was something that was likely a better idea. Instead, taking the moment to bring up something more related. Brushing his hands against his pants as he inhaled, he thought of something else. "Right, out of curiosity, when Noctis came to our world for a bit," He pointed at Matoya and himself to emphasize the 'our world', "He shared this kind of power with me, albeit only very briefly. Would I have these traces, too? Or too brief?" Other than that, let Prompto uh, work his magic, he guessed? Although it'd be nice to be able to give Prompto some confirmation of what he'd said in the past.
[attr=class,lyric1]gonna keep on keeping on the only
[attr=class,lyric2]way i know how
[attr=class,bulk] ”My own...signature?” Prompto frowned as she explained. He didn’t know what “aetheric” meant, but he’d thought that “aether” meant “magic,” and he knew he didn’t have any of that for himself. It was just Noctis’ power that made him special, that was all. Just Noctis and-
whatever they did to me in Niflheim
-and that was it. Prompto wasn’t even good with magic like Ignis was. Ignis kept saying he’d train him properly some day, but there hadn’t really been time after Promtpo had joined the Crownsguard. It was all running and fighting and camping after that.
Prompto tapped his fingers on his thigh. His heel was tapping out a fast rhythm on the floor. It was hard to sit still.
”Do you understand the magic in you to sense it? Sense it enough to pull yourself towards them? The aether is filled with much noise which can distract you -- memories, astral beings, elementals, impressions of others...If that happens, who knows where your essence could end up on this planet.”
”Oh…” Prompto glanced away. It felt like she was looking deep into him again. By “essence,” did she mean...soul? It felt like she could see his essence right now.
He wasn’t the best at not getting distracted. It felt like his mind was a roaring steam engine, and he was somewhere in the back of the train car, watching the clouds drift past. Ignis had tried to teach him about “mindfulness,” but it hadn’t worked very well. Every time they tried to sit in silence, it just got Prompto’s brain chugging faster, and there was no telling where it might end up.
But this was important. This was for Noctis. If it was for Noctis, he had to try. Didn’t he?
”Yeah. I-I’ve got to. I mean…”
”Right. Out of curiosity, when Noctis came to our world for a bit, he shared this kind of power with me, albeit only very briefly. Would I have these traces too? Or too brief?”
”Huh?”
Prompto looked up at Alex, bewildered. When Noctis...came to “our world?”
For some reason, Prompto saw red. ”He did not!”” Prompto waved his hands in exasperation. He felt something bubbling up inside him. Something he didn’t like. ”Noctis wouldn’t give that to just anyone! It’s...It’s special!” Prompto clutched his hand to his chest. Even though that wasn’t where Noctis’ power was necessarily, it was where he felt it. Right at his heart. Right there with his essence.
”There’s the Crownsguard -- that’s me, Gladio, and Ignis. Then one day if he’s king, he’ll have a glaive. But that’s it. When you take that power, you have to promise you’ll stand by him forever. You’ll protect him even if it kills you. No matter what…”
Prompto looked away. He couldn’t remember the words he’d sworn on the day he’d taken his oath, but he knew what they’d meant to him. They’d meant…
That Noctis was the most important thing in the world. They’d meant that Prompto would never give up on him. They’d meant…
’I want to be by your side forever.’
Prompto laughed weakly. ”Man, I’m really over thinking this, huh?” He rubbed awkwardly at the back of his neck. ”I’ve just got to think about Noctis, right? I’m not so good at keeping focused, but I know him better than anybody. This magic...it feels like him. So yeah. I think I’ve got a pretty good grasp on it.” Prompto smiled and for the first time on that terrible, no good day, he felt a bit of light come back to his eyes.
He shuffled forward and sat up straight with his nails digging into his jeans.
”Sounds dangerous, but I’ll be okay. And if not, at least I can say I tried.” He looked at Matoya straight on and nodded. ”I’m ready.”
She raised a brow as Alex muttered something about her not being somewhere. “Yes. Let’s talk later then.” Matoya always had one ear open to new ideas. But she also liked to ruthlessly test the idea to see the strength of the theories the academic provided. Some felt her belligerent in doing so, but knowledge could not be added too without such open discussions.That was for another time and not right now. [break][break] Matoya considered Alex’s question for a moment. “It is possible you have traces, but if it was severed, finding the threads again will prove difficult. For this type of magic, the bond must currently be bestowed upon you to be most effective.” She did not want to debunk the possibility for Alex, but it seemed unlikely traces would have the same effect as a current connection. [break][break] She watched Prompto seemingly squirm in his seat at such an important decision. He said he had to do this. It was clear it was not for himself, but for this Noctis and his friends. He really did care for them, didn’t he? But, in the next breath he found some vigor to huff at Alex for potentially harboring the same power, but without its true meaning. [break][break] Once that was done, she cleared her throat. Uninterested in their squabbling. “Sounds like you are committed.” She really hoped SHE wasn’t making a mistake letting him go through with this. She gave Alex a look for no more distractions. “Did you send the Poroggos for tea, yet?” She raised a brow. “He will need something to eat after to ground himself.” [break][break] Prompto was inexperienced and would need something to eat to stabilize himself back in the material world. She placed her hands above the crystal eye, the brim of her hat shadowed her eyes as she concentrated. The aether flowed differently here. [break][break] A small sigil magically lit up underneath the ball. The ball took on a white light of its own. [break][break] Still, she was able to purify a small part of it in the Headstone forest to create her poroggo. She knew how to call upon it. [break][break] The sigil spun, its geometric shapes weaving until it was finally there was a humming stillness. [break][break] The connection was made. [break][break] “Reach out your hand to the eye’s gateway. Do not lose focus, no matter how you must keep it. To return, follow the thread back to your body. Or find Alex’s traces, if you must.” [break][break] The aether shimmered and indecipherable whispers seemed to rise. Perhaps even flashes of memories appeared to Prompto that no one but him could see. Something more than memories revealed themselves, perhaps connected to Noctis’s power. A small image flashed of Noctis reaching out to the crystal when his time came, as if showing Prompto the way.
Alex looked at Prompto, completely and utterly bewildered by the sudden outburst by the younger gentleman. That... that was a violent reaction to what Alex had considered to be an extremely simple question. Sure, one could argue that he was ignorant of its meaning, but that was also the other part; there was no genuine intention of offense, Noctis never bothered to explain the politics and symbolism of that sort of thing. Maybe he was pressed for time, considered it unimportant to an offworlder, or maybe he just wasn't one for that sort of thing to begin with. Still, Alex could only look on as Prompto huffed and puffed, finally ending his outburst. "Wow. Okay." Alex blinked. Once, twice, before his gaze narrowed, squinting at Prompto.
He was gonna push back. He looked at Matoya for a moment, "I'll get that tea in a moment," And he would. But the reality was he'd just been called a liar, and he really didn't appreciate that. Sure he lied at times. He was lying to Prompto right now about being some adventurer, though was that a lie? He was just that in this world, but that didn't mean Prompto could just call him out like that. Uncalled for. He held up his hands in a defensive manner. "To start, Noctis never made me a Crownsguard. I'm not that special. Out of need, he made me a Kingsglaive. Because he was about to get shitslammed by a god from your world that was 'testing him.'" While also making it a point to use air quotes for those last two words. "Seriously, are all tests from your gods brutal murder attempts?"
And then, placing a hand on his hip and pointing at the young gunslinger, he continued on. "Also, the way you reacted, well, I'm wondering right now if Noct's fiancée is back on the market. Have you seen her in that white dress, Prompto?" He threw up his hands as he stormed off to get that tea, quickly hurrying some orders to the poroggos to come with him. Had Prompto seen her though? Well, probably. He was actually from that world. Alex had only caught a glimpse of the woman for the few seconds before Noctis got yanked back to his world, but still. But there was that underlying remark there that Alex hadn't actually remarked out loud. That being said, for the moment, he left Prompto and Matoya alone as he got to work on that tea, the sound of pouring water, and some mumbled cursing about "Should've brought my godsdamned kettle." The Kettle Nexus would have saved the day.
And then he finally spoke up, meaning to be heard this time, as he shouted from the back "Hips to die for, Prompto!"
[attr=class,lyric1]gonna keep on keeping on the only
[attr=class,lyric2]way i know how
[attr=class,bulk] ”Also, the way you reacted, well. I’m wondering right now if Noct’s fiance is back on the market. Have you seen her in a white dress, Prompto?”
For a moment, Prompto was stunned, staring at him. Noct’s fiance? In a white dress? She’d worn that dress at Altissia. That’s the only place that Prompto had really seen her, making her speech and then a little glimpse of her down by the water while the sea had been raging and people were screaming and he’d weaved around collapsing buildings as the MTs closed in. She’d worn that dress when they’d found her after, cold and still and soaked with seawater, blood blooming like red flowers between her unmoving fingertips.
White. Cold. Red.
He hardly heard Alex’s voice as the man left, footsteps echoing. All Prompto could do was lower his eyes and mutter, ”Lunafreya’s dead.”
It didn’t feel right to say it outloud. That’s why he had to whisper it. Because if he said it outloud then that meant that it was really…
Alex was gone. He’d gone for tea. And Prompto was…
”Ugh!” Prompto let out a groan of frustration and threw himself to his feet where he paced wherever his feet would take him. ”What. Is. With that guy?” He found himself next to the door so he closed it then looked for a lock, and when he didn’t find one he turned furiously back towards the tables and started pacing again.
”I’m trying to focus! I’m really trying! But then he just had to-! What was that supposed to mean, anyway?”
He slowed to a stop and put a hand over his face. Breathe. He wasn’t breathing right.
”Luna’s dead,” he said again. His voice was shaking. ”I know that. But with everything that happened, I never really got to...I mean, we never really…” It was hard to swallow. ”It’s just been a lot, you know?”
No. No, he wasn’t going to cry. Not here. Not in front of this nice old lady who just wanted to help if he’d stop being like this. But it was hard when his eyes were already hot and he just kept seeing Luna small and pale and stained in red with her hair tangled and soaked in sea water.
”I could have saved her,” he choked out finally. ”If I’d just been there. If I’d just been better. I’m not-” He shook his head. Shit. He wasn’t supposed to cry. ”Sorry,” he muttered. ”Didn’t mean to…”
