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year 5, quarter 3
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The elixir was bitter against his tongue. Kuja fought back a grimace as he downed the bottle in one agonizing swig then leaned back in his chair, eyeing the flask moodily. It had been a long time since he’d had to rely on potions as strong as this for his life. Not since Garland had turned on him in Alexandria at least. The thought of it tightened his grip on the glass and he tossed it aside, scowling at the sound of its shattering.
It had been a very long night.
The flight from the Headstone Forest to his desert lair had lasted hours. For a time, he hadn’t been entirely certain that the mage would survive the trip what with its pitiful condition. He’d restrained it with magic to the back of his dragon and then watched idly as the landscape passed beneath them, shivering slightly in the chill of the winds. Their arrival had been no easier. A mere feather or string of curative spells weren’t about to undo the damage the mage had inflicted on itself. After six hours repairing the broken puppet, Kuja had found himself longing for the quick and easy fix of merely transferring the mage’s soul to a new vessel, but without Terra's technology, he’d been stuck fixing the unfixable. Finally after a sleepless night and an exhaustive morning, he had emerged more or less triumphant.
For as grand as his accomplishment might have been, Kuja thought that he should have felt more exuberant than this, but no. After everything he’d endured, Kuja longed only for a twelve hour nap and a long, hot bath.
Kuja rubbed at his temples and straightened himself. He’d promised he’d only take a half hour’s rest in the back alcove of his library and then he would be done with it. His body protested as he forced himself upright, but he was as used to sleep deprivation as he was to keeping prisoners. He’d put the mage to sleep, and his spell wouldn’t last forever. No, if he was to make this all worth his while, he’d need to handle this now rather than later.
He had an interrogation to attend to.
The halls of his subterranean lair flickered with ethereal flames. The tunnels were unfinished and undecorated without inlaid floors or walls or pillars. In fact, they most resembled what they were -- simple cave tunnels that he’d cleared and polished and set alight the best he could manage. The modesty of it all made him long for his desert palace back on Gaia, but his palace had once much more resembled this than the masterpiece it had become. He would upgrade this place in time, but for now, it served his most basic of purposes. It was a place in which he could not be found and from which there was little chance of escape.
He’d left the mage in a room not so dissimilar from the others. The walls were made of roughly hewed stone. The floor was uneven. He’d provided the very basics of hostage care: a simple cot in one corner, a hole for waste in another, and a trunk in which he’d left spare set of mage’s clothes so he wouldn’t have to look at its ruined ones any longer. In the center of the room, there was a tall-backed chair in which he’d left the mage slumped and unconscious to wait for him. Kuja smirked at the sight of its powerless form -- so vulnerable and helpless in the palm of his hand, before sighing and muttering his spell. ”Esuna.” It came as an almost disinterested sigh. How he wished he could merely crush the mage and be done with it, but no, then his work would all be for nothing.
”I’d like to make this quick if I may.” Kuja crossed his arms and looked up to eye the ceiling. ”If you’re still sentient after that suicide missions of yours, then I have questions for you. Or rather -- demands." He gave a long and indulgent sigh. "You’d do well to take caution. After the night I had, I can imagine no greater delicacy than the slick of your blood beneath my nails.”
It was dark. Visions and dreams swirled about. Vivi lay on the cliff outside his Grandpa's house as he waited for dinner. It was a warm and pleasant day as Vivi made pictures out of the clouds that passed slowly across the sky. One looked like his hat and another looked like the frogs that his Granpa was so fond of going out and catching. His tummy rumbled. Usually Grandpa would already have dinner ready by now. Vivi got up to go check. Maybe he was cooking up something extra special tonight that took longer. When Vivi entered their humble abode he was curious. Why was Grandpa just lying on the floor?
Vivi had never felt like this before. So much sadness; so much anger; hopelessness. His body tingled and he felt something surge through him. He didn't care as he rushed from the ship's hold to face off against the Black Waltz. How could someone do something like this? Those other mages hadn't done anything wrong. Typical of him, always letting his emotions sway his decisions.
Vivi was pulled from his dreaming by a simple spell. His eyes fluttered, two big yellow orbs blinking in a sea of darkness. What was happening? Where was he? Groggily he examined himself. His clothes were in tatters and when he felt his hat the seams had popped and the point lay dangerously close to falling off. It was dreary little room he was in but more importantly was the other person standing in the room.
Seeing Kuja opened the floodgates of the events that had transpired the night before leaving Vivi with a sense of remorse and fear. Why had Kuja brough him here instead of leaving him to die in that scary forest? Did maybe just maybe Kuja remember how Zidane had gone back into the tree for him and was trying to wash his hands clean of that. He hadn't remembered anything else so Vivi pushed the thought aside. Wasn't he about to answer Kuja's questions before he had fainted? That was probably it.
"I'm sorry." It came out almost like a whisper as he looked to the floor in shame. What he'd done was horrible even if it was against his tormentor. What demands was Kuja going to make him do? Perhaps he deserved this for the way he had acted after all. He waited for whatever was to come to happen. Anything would be preferable to the guilt that sat on his chest like a stone.
The black mage stirred to life. At first, Kuja wasn’t entirely certain what to feel, watching it. Disgust at the puppet before him? Pride at his own work, or perhaps…
His chest seized with something cold. It had been hours since he’d let himself linger on the puppet’s last words whispered into the wind. The mage knew something that Kuja didn’t. The very idea made his fur stand on end. ’You really don’t remember?’
’Remember what?’ Even now, Kuja’s jaw threatened to clench. What didn’t he remember? Just the idea of it was enough to drive him mad. Which was why he’d put it out of his mind for the better part of ten hours. Until he had the chance to act on such a thing.
Until now.
The mage’s eyes fluttered open and then stared about in their dull and hazy yellow. Kuja’s lips pursed as he waited, fingernails digging ever deeper into the flesh of his crossed arms. The mage looked to the left and then to the right before his gaze caught on Kuja and those eyes widened. Then he looked down, gloved hands clasped like a guilty child.
”I’m sorry.”
The words were low. Quivering. Weak. Kuja bit his tongue to keep from spitting bile. Sorry? He was sorry after what he’d done? After assuring destruction for them both and nearly dragging them down together? No. If he was to pull something so brash then the least he could do was have the strength to carry it with him. That was, at least, if he had some kind of will of his own. It seemed the mage was Zidane’s pet til the end -- lost, helpless, and unstable without him.
”What was that spell?” Kuja’s fingers balled into a fist around his sleeve. He didn’t have time for mumbled apologies or even for his usual sharpened tongue. He would get his answers and be done with it. What didn’t he remember?
”I’ve seen it before but I don’t know when or where. Surely, you’ve realized by now that most don’t make the transition into this world completely…whole.” He scowled the word with all the disgust he could muster, which given the situation, wasn’t difficult. ”For the longest time, I’d thought myself above such clumsy cliches as amnesia, but it seems even the most nuanced of characters fall prey to the whims of melodrama on occasion.” He shot the mage a chilled look.
Vivi wrung his hands as Kuja talked. So, he was right. Kuja didn't remember some of the nasty terrible things he had done. Vivi pondered on the idea for a moment. How sad would it be if he forgot his life? His friends and all the fun they had even when things got scary or stressful. Did Kuja have friends though, what was he trying to remember? Why would you want to remember every vile vicious thing you had ever done to another person?
"Doomsday," Vivi squeaked out afraid that even saying it without the intent to use it would cause it to manifest once more. Vivi finally looked up at Kuja. Of course he had seen it, Vivi had only ever used it once before, but still hadn't he just responded with a spell of even greater magnitude? He wasn't really sure what Kuja was talking about coming here "whole". So far he just met a nice man and girl in the big city by the sea. They seemed perfectly whole to Vivi.
Vivi thought for a moment trying to think of where to start. How much had he forgotten and how much did he remember. Vivi knew he should be afraid and very much so in this situation ,but instead he just felt an immense amount of sadness. How did you tell someone the atrocities they had committed and more importantly that they might be dead as well?
"You did a lot of bad bad things," Vivi started his voice still low and quiet. Visions of everything Kuja had done swam before his eyes in quick succession. Where to start? "You hurt a lot of people. Both nice people and mean but still people. You killed Dagger's mom. You made people like me, but didn't care about our feelings at all." Had he ever cared about anyone's feelings aside his own? The thought stuck with Vivi as he continued thinking about everything, "You hurt Dagger by having people take those jesters take her Eidolons from her. You attacked her kingdom with a big dragon."
Vivi was now intensely staring at Kuja staring before him. He had done so much evil, why should he be allowed to get away with it? He knew that Zidane had told him life wasn't fair so many times and just to go with things, but it didn't mean he was upset over it all. He continued, "You tricked Zidane and the other mages into getting the stuff you wanted, and you tried to do to Eiko what you did to Dagger but it didn't work." Vivi's gulped hard as he tried not to cry. The way the other mages had believed so hard that Kuja could make them not stop was too upsetting.
The rest was something Vivi didn't know if he should say. What if he reacted the same way as when he had first learned about in that strange world of Terra that he destroyed upon the realization. "I didn't see you again until we fought in Terra. You'd let your emotions give you energy just like the rest of us had at that point. You almost killed us until that big scary man told you..." he caught himself considering whether to tell Kuja or not. Vivi knew he would want to know about himself if he had forgotten something, and with a sigh continued to divulge, "That you were only mortal and temporary, that you were gonna die. You got really mad. You destroyed your home."
YAY EMOTIONAL OUTBURSTS. Sorry if this wasn't well written. I tried. T__T
Why should the world exist without me?
The mage looked frightened as he found consciousness. Good. As Kuja sneered his first demand, the mage could barely squeak out an answer. ”Doomsday.” It sounded so dramatic. Had he forgotten the apocalypse? But no, hadn’t he maybe heard the mage shout that before all hell had broken loose? That was the name of the spell then though it hardly helped him. There wasn’t magic like that in all the archives of Pandemonium, nor in the Gaian texts of Daguerreo. In short, it shouldn’t have existed and there was no way that the mage could have discovered it on his own.
Even shorter, the answer was useless.
Kuja felt his teeth grind together in frustration. He’d put in too much time and far too much work keeping the damned puppet alive for this. ”You did a lot of bad things,” it said. Oh yes, dreadful things! He’d have dared call himself villainous! ”You hurt a lot of people. Both nice people and mean but still people. You killed Dagger's mom. You made people like me, but didn't care about our feelings at all.”
”Please. I did the world a favor ridding it of that hideous elephant woman.” The sheer memory of Brahne -- of her fatty rolls and piggish eyes and that smell -- were enough to make him scowl even now. It was a crime he hadn’t done away with her sooner.
”You hurt Dagger by having people take those jesters take her Eidolons from her. You attacked her kingdom with a big dragon." Kuja tapped at the side of his sleeve, lips pursed as the mage continued the list of his many misdeeds -- staring at him with those eerie yellow eyes all the while. ”You tricked Zidane and the other mages into getting the stuff you wanted, and you tried to do to Eiko what you did to Dagger but it didn't work.”
”Yes, yes. Get on with it!” His nails dug through his sleeves into the flesh of his arms. He knew this already! He didn’t need an extensive summary! And yet here he was, waiting for the truth to drop. Did he remember anything else after that? After Mt. Gulug?
He’d left Lady Hilda there to be found.
He’d returned to his Palace and then…
His lungs chilled. No. He didn’t remember anything else, and the mage wasn’t done yet. It fidgeted nervously, twisting its hands together with its eyes slightly lowered. The seconds passed in pounding heartbeats as the mage opened its mouth again.
”I didn't see you again until we fought in Terra.”
Kuja froze. ”What?”
”You'd let your emotions give you energy just like the rest of us had at that point.”
”You know Terra?”
”You almost killed us until that big scary man told you..."
”You know Garland?!”
The mage took a breath. ”...That you were only mortal and temporary, that you were gonna die. You got really mad. You destroyed your ho-.”
His magic struck in an explosion of thunder and light. It seared through his blood and sparked at the edges of his outstretched fingertips as the air crackled its tension. The light caught the mage’s silhouette, frozen and flailing as it barrelled into the nearest wall. Kuja stalked after it and seized its throat in a talon-like grip.
”How do you know about Terra?” His voice wasn’t steady. It burned with the same murderous fire that gleamed in his eyes. ”How do you know him? That hideous, hulking-!” His throat closed shut as he shook his head. ”Garland!” He threw the mage aside and swallowed back another spell. He couldn't kill it. Not now. But if it knew Garland. If it knew Terra...
Kuja's hands balled into fists. His fingers were trembling. ”What did you do?”
The spell hit him fast. Vivi was unprepared for the sudden rush of electricity that toppled him out of the chair and into the barren stone wall. He slumped towards the floor, breathing heavily through the pain of it all. Truth hurts, Vivi knew that from his own self reflection, but it was still important to him that it should be known. He didn't have much time to react before Kuja had him by the throat. Vivi could see the monster in Kuja's eyes, the same monster that had hurt him and his friends so badly. Vivi wanted to hate him, and he did deep down, so much, but instead of anger Vivi just felt pity for the man at the moment. Reminded that he was doomed to die just as he was
Just as soon as Kuja had spat questions in his face, Vivi found himself thrown again to the floor. It hurt, as it always did. Vivi had grown so used to the physicality and pain that life brought. How many times had he been bumped, bruised, scratched, almost torn asunder by the trials that he had faced? The physical pain just became a part of him, and he wouldn't cry over it anymore. "It's not fair," Vivi squeaked as he stood up. His little fists shook with a righteous rage as he looked at his attacker. "You want to know the truth, but you get mad when you're told!"
"You told Miss Hilda about everything." Vivi explained not worrying about what Kuja would do next. Truth hurts, and Vivi was going to use it as a weapon He deserved to know the truth. "We learned about Terra from her! You're upset, and I know how that feels. We were both born to die." Vivi's anger turned to tears and sadness as he continued. "It's scary, but it's true. That scary man made you in the same way you made me. You just went crazy though! You destroyed your home! You wanted to destroy everything. You tried to destroy the universe."
Vivi let a simple sigh leave him as he thought about their situation, "This must be where we go when we die..." The thought permeating in the little mage's thought's since he had arrived here. "That's where I learned that spell. In the world that memories of our world created, before we stopped you from destroying everything. Is this our punishment?" The rest was too hard to say. The fight against the embodiment of nothingness, his own death, and the fact none of his friends knew he'd died. Kuja could kill him again but what did it matter?
The mage wasn’t particularly fazed, not even as the air sparked magic and Kuja’s eyes gleamed with danger. No, it rose to its feet again slowly if not calmly. ”It’s not fair,” it said almost quietly, and Kuja felt his tongue ready to lash at such ridiculous sentiment.
’You want fair? You think the world owes you anything? That you deserve some peace of mind just for living? That isn’t how this works.’
But the mage continued before he could even start. ”You want to know the truth, but you get mad when you're told!" It was the mage’s turn to brim with passion, his little gloves curled together and trembling. For a brief moment, Kuja was almost taken aback.
’You want to know the truth, but you get mad when you’re told!’ The thought made his lips purse. It wasn’t that the mage had told him what he’d asked for, but rather it was what he’d said that had provoked him. The mage shouldn’t know anything. Not about Terra. And hearing it from someone else’s mouth…
It was wrong. Just wrong.
”You told Miss Hilda about everything,” the mage went on, and Kuja couldn’t help but recoil. Lady Hilda? He touched at his temple, biting at his tongue as he tried to remember. Yes, he had told her, hadn’t he? And then…
He froze. He’d left her at the bottom of Mt. Gulug. He’d hoped that she’d pass the message along and direct that idiot Zidane towards what Hilda had called “Ipsen’s Castle.” From there, they’d only need to defeat the castle’s guardian then learn of the four protective seals and then…
Kuja stared at the mage. It really was from a different future.
The mage’s eyes wavered with tears. ”You're upset, and I know how that feels. We were both born to die." Kuja winced. That was where the mage was wrong. Genomes were ageless and made far less shoddily than any black mages, but the words still stung. He felt magic thicken at his nails.
"It's scary, but it's true. That scary man made you in the same way you made me. You just went crazy though! You destroyed your home! You wanted to destroy everything. You tried to destroy the universe."
”The universe?” Kuja repeated hollowly and then gave a hard laugh so he wouldn’t have to answer to anything else. ”I couldn’t if I wanted to, and I wouldn’t want to. ‘The universe’ happens to be where I live. What would that get me?”
The mage said something ridiculous about “coming here when he died” before going on. ”That's where I learned that spell. In the world that memories of our world created, before we stopped you from destroying everything.”
Kuja frowned for a moment. In the world that memories of our world created…? What did it mean…?
Kuja froze. ”Memoria?!” The word slipped out as sudden as it was incredulous. ”You went to…Memoria?” Even saying it aloud sounded ridiculous. Memoria was more of a theoretical concept than a physical space one could visit. It was a dimension at the center of the planet, the source of the Soul Cycle, and most importantly on a completely different plane of existence. It would take an incredible amount of magic to rip open a portal to it -- the kind of power that the world had never seen. The kind of power that could…
...Destroy the universe.
Kuja opened his mouth and then closed it. He turned away from the mage and then touched at his forehead, trying hard to steady his breaths as they came. ”You shouldn’t know about that place.” The words came more evenly now even as he stifled his own panic. ”Even if you went to Terra. There’s no reason for you to have…” He let out a slow breath before turning back to face the battered, exhausted mage.
There was no reason for kindness. No reason even for patience with a puppet like this, but for all of its infinite stupidity and sentiment, the mage had been right about one thing at least. ’You want to know the truth, but you get mad when you're told.’ It wasn’t unfair to abuse the mage whenever Kuja felt the urge, but it was counter-productive. In that moment, Kuja had been the one acting impulsively.
”I was surprised,” Kuja said by way of explanation rather than apology. ”You shouldn’t know those names. No one’s ever spoken them to me on any other planet. No one but Lady Hilda, I suppose…”
Kuja couldn’t help a scowl as he crossed his arms. Talking so blatantly about Terra...It left a bitter taste in his mouth. He felt his tail bristle at his own vulnerability.
”I’d forgotten my intentions with her. As I’m certain you realize by now, I left her for you to find. Or rather, for Zidane to find. The gate to Terra had been sealed for years. Garland didn’t trust me anymore, I suppose.” Kuja smirked bitterly. ”Not an unfounded fear as it turned out.”
What was he doing? Talking to a mage about Terra? About Garland? Kuja stiffened and cleared his expression. This wasn’t what he’d come for.
”Your name.” Kuja gave a dismissive wave of his hand as he tilted his head to the ceiling carelessly. ”Or your number. Whichever you use. If I’m to have a proper conversation with you, I might as well know it. Unless you’d rather I keep calling you a puppet.” His lips twisted into a smirk. ”But I’ve grown tired of that by now.”
Vivi blinked in confusion. He was so certain Kuja was going to continue to batter him with spell after spell. Instead the man just started talking more to himself than to Vivi, so he stood there his fists still clenched with anger until the man began to ask him questions. Questions that Vivi was hesitant to answer. He knew that if he said something Kuja disliked that it would probably result in him being flung across the room yet again, but it he had been telling the truth so far and he was going to continue to do so despite any consequences. The way Kuja was acting Vivi was really beginning to believe that he didn't remember this. Had he forgot by his own accord or by something else?
"But we did go there!" Vivi exclaimed as Kuja told him that he shouldn't have ever been there. "It was really weird. We all saw our memories played out in the skies, but then we started seeing everyone's memories! We traveled through there to find you at the Crystal!" Vivi grew quiet for a moment. He remembered his surprise as he looked into one of the many bubbles, and watched the first time his grandpa had ever cooked for him. He missed his grandpa; he missed everyone. He also didn't want to talk about that collisieum, the dread that exuded from that place. That being: The Darkness of Eternity. Vivi shuddered.
Vivi's eye widened when Kuja talked of Zidane. "Zidane!" Vivi squeaked in spite of himself. "Is he here too?" the hope shining in his voice. He partly wished the answer was yes, so he didn't have to be so alone, but he felt bad almost instantly for having wished. Zidane shouldn't be dead just so he didn't have to face his own loneliness. In fact he would rather that none of his friends ever showed up now that he thought about it
Then Kuja asked for his name. "Number?" he questioned. He knew the other Black Mages had numbers, but he didn't. At least not one he knew. Just like his friends weren't just numbers neither was he, so he didn't mourn the loss of not having one. He also wondered what kind of trap Kuja was setting? Did he really want to know, and why this sudden change in demeanor? Had he actually maybe gotten through to him? Was he ready to accept the fact that they were here in the afterlife?
Vivi was more afraid of not answering though so he replied, "My name's Vivi!" Even though he said it Kuja, the sentence still came out the same way it did anytime he met someone new and introduced himself: full of joy and with a smile. He really hoped Kuja meant it when he said he wasn't going to call him a puppet anymore. Vivi tested the water of the conversation by asking a question of his own, "Have you seen any of the other mages? They stopped a long time before I did."
The mage had questions. Many questions and exclamations and enough enthusiasm to make Kuja’s fingers clench. But he willed himself calm no matter how much he longed to strike the saccharine naivete from the mage’s eyes.
This creature was nothing like him.
”Vivi?” he echoed with a raise of his eyebrow. ”As in life or…?” Then he paused, touching at his lips as he laughed softly. ”You mean sixty-six?” He gave the mage an incredulous look. ”V-I-V-I? That’s just another way of writing the number. Though I suppose that would explain your deviations. My first models were smaller and I hadn’t started rationing the Mist which powers your magic. Naturally, you’d be stronger than average.”
It was odd, speaking so bluntly with one of his own creations. Normally, they were nothing but soulless husks and even in his short interactions with those mistakes in the woods, he’d never really paid them much mind. But speaking to this mage (’Vivi,’ he corrected himself with a curl of his lip) was somehow different. Kuja wondered if the extra Mist might have extended the puppet’s life span. Perhaps that would explain the mage’s heightened level of awareness.
”As for Zidane, I haven’t the slightest idea. And you’re the first mage I’ve seen here with any semblance of sentience. I’ve been prototyping a new model of them as of late, but awakening is a rare malfunction and I doubt it possible in this place anyway. It has nowhere near the flood of unused souls that lurked about Gaia. A byproduct of the Soul Divider, I suppose.”
Why was he speaking so casually? Kuja’s tail lashed beneath its shroud, uneasy without his usual armor of lies and pretense and theatrics. But they’d do him no good here, not if the mage already knew his background and intentions. It was a strange thing. No Gaian had ever been aware of his true nature. No one but Lady Hilda, and even then…
Kuja scowled and shot the mage a look of pure disinterest before eyeing his nails. One of the tips had chipped in their earlier scuffle.
”Not that it matters. You’re sure to be offended either way. Weren’t you the one always running about screaming for the rights of soulless dolls?” Kuja laughed humorlessly. ”I don’t much see the point, but I suppose Gaia has a way of valuing life, doesn’t it? That’s what I took from Zidane’s righteous preaching anyway.”
Funny what a dozen years on that planet could do. It was as though Zidane’s Terran blood had been stripped away from him completely. A pity he hadn’t died of exposure when he was supposed to.
Vivi didn't feel as though this were right. He felt like he should escape, but to where. He knew if tried anything Kuja would just hurt him again. It felt like he had somehow landed in the eye of the storm and at any moment he would probably be right back in the maelstrom of Kuja's anger. This fear kept Vivi from correcting him. Maybe he did have a number, but his name was Vivi; his grandpa had called him that, his friends had called him that and that was all that mattered.
At first a sense of relief filled him knowing that Zidane and the other mages hadn't run across Kuja and hopefully not here. That relief disapperared in an instant when Kuja mentioned he had been working on new prototypes. "More mages?" his voice wavered uncertain and scared. Why did Kuja need more mages? What power could he possibly need in this kind of place? Was he planning on using them to hurt people again? As much as he didn't want to know his intentions, he felt like he needed to help them somehow. But how? No one should have to be a mindless slave.
It was as though Kuja had been able to foretell the feelings Vivi felt. He wouldn't cower anymore; he was going to speak his mind. Kuja was just a bully, a strong one, but still just that. "Zidane's not dumb! Caring's not dumb. You just don't understand! Everything has value. It took mr a long time to realize, but we don't have to be or do something great to have value. Just being a friend or making people smile is the value of life. It's our memories of those small things that matter." Vivi crossed his arms and pouted. He didn't really expect to get through to Kuja.
"How do you think people remember you?" Vivi asked unfolding his arms and shaking his head. "I bet you don't even care. You don't care about anyone else's feelings at all."
